My Mental History.

About 20 years ago, when I got on the internet for the first time, I noticed something odd. British people didn't like me talking about their House of Commons. I could talk about their monarch, I could talk about God and religion. I think I could even talk about the House of Lords. But when I brought up the House of Commons they got very upset. I don't think that would make sense to any American. I was on this message board, around 2001, with this very nice British guy. And we were corresponding. Again on all subjects. Then I brought up the House of Commons. He sent me their weird joke saying he had to talk to his aunt or grandmother (I don't even get all their jokes), and he never talked to me again. On the last message board I got banned from, some time back (basically for doing nothing, like being too nice to Elton John and posting posts about light-hearted trivia, in the section of their boards , that was meant for light-hearted trivia). I told them I was having problems tuning into C-Span to the live feed of the House of Commons. So why not just stop? A British guy there asked me. What does that mean? I think you must see what I mean.

 

Like I was telling my therapist. I have a tendency to stare at people and not know it. My therapist said, that is because they never helped you develop that social skill as a child. But I told him, there was a thing they sometimes did when I was a child. When I was staring at an adult in a auditorium, they'd turn me and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want this seat?" Now, see saying that does a couple of things. It demonstrates I am clearly staring at them. And it shows I'm doing it to the point they think they must give up their seat.

Anyways, I think my intellect is somewhere in the normal range. I don't know, I like I've said. I sometimes find out I can do things even geniuses can't do. Smart people have to use acronyms like me. I was surprised to learn that in HS.

Also, they wanted to not stare at this kid in grade school. I never was. Actually, I now realize I never was at all. They really just had me confused. I had a harmless, basically thought, about him over Christmas vacation. When I got back, everyone in class seemed to know. About my thoughts over Christmas vacation. Because I knew I wasn't staring at him.

People just didn't seem to know when I was a child. Some of their plans weren't well thought out. If they wanted me stop doing something, like above. They didn't wait until I was actually doing it. They waited until they thought I was thinking about it. I think that would confuse anyone. Plus some adults just thought I was really stupid. I had Schizotypal Personality Disorder and Cerebral Palsy. But they thought they could convince me that people could tell I was ugly on the phone. Or maybe they just thought it was funny. I don't know.

But as I've said, a more direct approach is all that was ever needed for me.

 

This is going to sound weird. But I think I'll say it once at least. I was in this program in 1987-9. And there was this guy there. He appeared very normal to me. He was very religious, I know. And he seemed nice. I never heard why he was there. But he was telling us this story. He was a child, and I think this would be like the 50's or 60's, there was this young girl in his neighborhood. And she was being sexually abused by her father. And she accused him of the crime. I think either her father made her do it. Or maybe that's what she thought. But you know, he said, he had a solid alibi at the time.

Yeah, you know I always have a solid alibi. Some people say that's a strange thing to say. But I don't think so. I have Kroger, CVS and 7-11 sayings card which I use. Just for that purpose. I'm serious. So people know where I always am. I often use my debit card. Face recognition software is in all the cameras where I live. That's a plus. And you know, my car has a satellite connection. I was telling my therapist I last saw in 2022 (who works with law enforcement) about that. He said, yes. And he pointed out, even if I lost my service for lack of payment, they'd still know where I was. Good to know.

Because I know I'll never commit a crime. I've never even spent the night in jail. But if I were ever accused of a robbery, a murder, a theft, genocide whatever, I'd have an alibi. One guy told me, or rather implied, that sounded like something a criminal would do. Actually, criminals try to create false alibis. Not real ones.

 

Yeah, I'm sometimes not sure if people know what I mean sometimes. I seemed to find out my mother was in on the worldwide neo-con, or whatever, conspiracy theory a couple of weeks before Christmas 1989. And it led to radical change. It led to an era of peace and stability, that has lasted to this day. I am still in that stage of my life. Actually, I haven't been in any state of panic since the Elavil. I just had some left over concerns until that Christmastime period, 1989. My mother probably did the right thing by reassuring me she was part of the "conspiracy". Then I knew it was all harmless.

Okay. You want to talk about what led to my suicide attempt in 2004. The police. There I said it. Though probably not.

I'm not just talking about an unkind word here and there, like starting at age 14. (But I still want to find out what that was all about. I think, just think, that boy in the 8th grade falsely accused me of something. I'm sure he didn't.)

As I said, the local police had been following me around to the parks at least since the 90's. When I was pulled over for pouring my coffee into my mug in 2001, the policeman in that other city was very angry at me. He told me roll down your window, then he told me I want to kick your ass. He did. Because they were watching me. Yes, I said "watching". That's obviously what that was all about. Even though I did nothing wrong and am a very good person. The staff at the hospital I went to after my suicide attempt in April 2004 were bizarre. They put in a group therapy session where we were supposed to tell our deepest, darkest secrets. The other patients were terrified. I don't succumb easily to emotions. Put I could tell something was up.

Then there was a bizarre incident, actually more than one, at my barbershop (now closed). June 22, 2005 I thought I was just getting a haircut there. I'll just tell you what happened, and not draw conclusions. A man sat directly across from me in one of their red chairs. He was looking in my direction, and he looked kind of like one of those G-men, you see in movies. And I kept hearing him say "hard drive" in his cell phone, at least once, probably more. You know, I was seeing a lawyer, right after my suicide attempt. Very nice man. He said, I really don't think the police have any reason to arrest you, James. Then he eventually explain to me, the police know there's nothing on your hard drive. They'd contact me by now if they had any suspicions, he once told me. After my father died, he said, listen, forget my usual fee. He was a high-priced lawyer. And after my father died, he knew I couldn't afford him. He said, give me a couple hundred dollars, whatever you have, and you can come in and just talk to me. My barbershop. And dentist. Weird stuff going on in both. Probably not. I told everyone my uncle, who abused his adopted son, was telling lies about me. Then everyone started telling me they were talking to him. His barber went to mine, just by chance. He said, yes, I talk to your uncle. He likes pretending he can speak other languages (he did joke like that). My dental hygienist, used to tell me. You know, she'd say, I met your aunt and uncle. Pause. And I would talk with your uncle too, she'd say.

Then in 2011, my neighborhood pharmacist accused me of a serious crime, that I never did, and that everyone in my life told me to just forget about now, that incident with the pharmacist is in the past, they tell me. Nothing that happened around 2004 or before. Something that happened in 2011, actually. He accused me of something serious, possibly in front of my neighbors, as I point out when I tell people about that. Um. I had no idea what he was talking about. And as I told my therapist, I had basically had given up on the idea of any plans of suicide by 2011. Which is a good thing. Prison? Do you know what I would go thru then?

So what led to my suicide attempt in 2004? Well, I'm not depressed or suicidal. I'm not prone to panic. 2004, I don't know. Maybe panic had something to with it. I'll always make sure I have a bottle of Xanax in the house just in case. But I think the police and who ever was in communication with the hospital staff in 2004. What do you think? And I think they're lucky I didn't attempt suicide after April, 2004. Because with whatever was going on with my barber and dentist's office after that, probably didn't help. What do you think? Prison with my Cerebral Palsy? They told me they'd find a way to put me there. No, I now know that wasn't ever likely. But like with my mother and doctor wanting me to believe they were part of a worldwide conspiracy, that is what I was told.

I'm not ever going to name that barbershop or my dentist, BTW. So they don't have to worry. And I'm just relating what happened. Draw your own conclusions.

 

Oh, this is funny. A couple of years ago. A guy came to fix my computer. It was odd. He insisted on making a copy of my PC hard drive. My family said, well that was just coincidence. I think this was around 2016 maybe.

So no, there is nothing important on my computer hard drive, never was (I know one of you would have asked that).

EDIT: And my computer hard drive in 2016 had everything on it that was on it in 2004. Because I hold onto everything. Which works to my advantage sometimes...

 

I guess I can fill in more about 2004. To make it clear. I was following the Paul Reubens case around then. He was gay and into classic kitsch. The Los Angeles police said they didn't like him looking at muscular men with their hands on their hips even. Look up the story. Everyone was laughing at that point. Then the story took a bizarre turn. And he was arrested for something stupid. I don't know. I was interested in physique magazines. Tasteful ones. And I did own the book "Beefcake" by Petra Mason. The point is that I had been told since age 14 the police would find a way to arrest me. Okay, I probably took them too literally. And then that stuff with pouring the coffee in 2001, which I think really began in the early 90's. But something was going on in that city. No, trust me. That led to my suicide attempt in 2004. The Olanzapine led me to where I am now. As I said.

But the barbershop? The dentist? They're lucky I didn't attempt suicide then, aren't they? As I've said, I basically stopped thinking of the idea of self-deliverance (as I call it) to deal with what the police might do to me, putting me in prison, by 2011. But the police. Maybe they should behave better.

Detroit has a new chief of police now, James E. White. They say he has degree in psychology. And he is running things differently. Police are now told when they confronting a suicidal person to tell him he won't be arrested. That doesn't apply to me. But I know the feeling.

 

You know, I thought at one time people knew what I was thinking. I think when I was still a young child, I thought maybe they could read my mind. As I got older, I assumed there was a logical explanation.




Now, think about this. What logical explanation could there be why someone can know your thoughts? People can't read minds. I knew that. So follow my logic:

• People can't read thoughts.

• But I never told them.

• So something else in my brain must have.

• Therefore, it must be a personality I have. A malevolent one, that can use my mouth thru something called a negative hallucination.



Anyway, I now know there was a logical explanation for much of what was going on in my life. People were watching me, there were private meetings behind my back. My mother wasn't necessarily in charge. Maybe it was that nice lady psychiatrist I saw in 1975/6 at age 7. I still don't know. People found out things other logical ways, etc.

But even thinking people could read my thoughts created some unique ethical dilemmas. Like I told the doctor I am seeing now, like what if your thoughts offend someone. Should you stop thinking them. The obvious answer is no. But what if they really offend? Or should you wait till you get home or never see that person again?

Anyways, they actually covered this subject in the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode "Attached", Stardate: 47304.2, Original Airdate: 8 Nov, 1993. Here are some quotes from that show:

"I'm beginning to realize that you always seem to have some... acerbic remark on the tip of your tongue."
"Well, at least I've trained myself not to *say* it anymore."

"Isn't it astonishing though how much clutter there is in the consciousness?"

"I am not being unreasonable!"
"I didn't say that you were. I may have thought it, but there's a difference."

"I didn't know you felt that way."
"Didn't you?"

"You're right. We can't react to every random thought that crosses the other person's mind. Isn't astonishing, though, how much clutter there is in a consciousness. Odd memories coming to the surface. Bits of half-remembered songs."

"Stray day dreams, scattered minutiae. I wonder how true telepaths sift through it all."

 

And I don't know why I am such a good person. Or why I am so law-abiding. I mean, it doesn't make the police hate me any less. It doesn't make them act anymore responsibly towards me when they do their job.

 

I still tell people this story sometimes. As I said, my personality seemed most active in my junior year in HS. And at one point, to stop him, I constricted my nasal passages really tight. I never passed out doing this. I did feel perhaps a light headed sometimes. One time as I did, exchanging classes in HS, I got this really weird feeling. But after that my intellectual abilities were never the same again. I was sure it was lack of oxygen due to what I said above. All my doctors assured me, no, that couldn't have caused brain damage. My first psychiatrist Dr. T said that would require loss of blood to the brain. My pediatrician, said, you felt weird once? Well, you know, divers hold their breaths very long. Then there's this weird syndrome where they feel dizzy for no apparent reason after that. And this is weird. I could have sworn I could read as fast. Or learn or comprehend as fast. No, no, no. My doctors all told me. It never happened. And this weird, this song by Diana Ross, "Swept Away" sounded different:



I really didn't like it the first time I heard it. It sounded kind of unsophisticated. I like all her other music though. I just liked the way she put emotion in her voice when she sings some parts in the song though. After the time when I constricted my nasal passages, I loved this song. It sounded no different to me than any of the other music I listen to. Again, the first thing I thought was brain damage. (I first heard this song at the beginning of my Junior year, you know.)

Anyways, I was taking the Haldol at the same time I was constricting my nasal passages in the Junior Year. Exact same time, in fact. When the akathisia was at its worst, in fact. And my therapist in 2011 paused, and said cryptically, it was the probably the Haldol that slowed your brain down and caused your apparent intellectual problems. Like he knew something. I'm serious.

My intellectual function certainly didn't return immediately after the Junior Year. If it even returned like maybe 5, maybe even 10 years, later, I would have noticed. I don't know if more of my intellectual function is back now. It's been a long time since my Junior year in HS. November of 1984, as I've said. The damage, I just point out, wasn't severe, if there was any. But it was enough to notice.

Did that Haldol cause me brain damage in my junior year? Or just impairment for some other reason. I'm still feeling it's effects to this day. I took that Haldol again the next year, in my Senior year, 1985-6. With a lady doctor from the Philippines, Dr. M. The side effects were severe one night, that I never took it again. My mother then told me she looked up that side effect in a book. Then Dr. M put me on Mellaril, briefly. Dr. B (who I had till 1992, and Dr. C, my present psychiatrist) had me on Thorazine from the end of August 1986 (my calendar said I was inpatient there Aug. 22) till I stopped taking it late Fall, 1986. I got bad side effects from Thorazine, though not as bad as Haldol. And it didn't help me at all. Dr. B was reducing the dosage every time I saw him after Summer, 1986. Like 50-100 milligrams each time. That would be September, October, November, etc. By November I had been cutting the pills in half as I took them. Then by November I had just stopped altogether. By 1987, Dr. Bazini told my parents he and I reached an agreement that I should take no medicine at all. Then (long-story-short) he switched the Elavil to Triavil, in November, 1989, I remember. Triavil has Perphenazine in it, which is ten times as potent Thorazine. I had terrible problems with Haldol, remember. I thought he was trying hurt me by putting me on. So I never took a single pill. That probably was no accident. I don't think he ever thought I would. Then, 1992, or shortly before, my parents claim they found all the untaken Triavil, under my dresser in my room. It's a very small space, and not easy to find. It was an open secret by then my mother was searching my room. But I told her, you'd have to really have searched it well to have found the small, brown, sealed glass bottle I had it in under there. They didn't comment on that. But they claimed to have just found out suddenly that way. Dr. B started acting silly, basically more than even usual. Demanding I take neuroleptics again, and then taking that statement back. Dr. C, my present psychiatrist said it was actually all my mother's idea in 1992 that I be put back on antipsychotics. He told me recently he had nothing to do with it. I had a scary situation with Haldol again in the inpatient in August of 1992. Nothing really. I only took it one night there. Not enough to cause any akathisia really. Then my parents claimed they were trying reach Dr. C to tell him. No, he gets a bad reaction from Haldol. Just put him on Mellaril. And I took Mellaril from 1992 to about 2003. At end of December, 1993, I started hiding the Mellaril pill in the side of my mouth. My mother eventually seemed to notice. So I started this thing, where I took the Mellaril, like every other day. Especially if went out the next day. Then I'd stay up all night. I thought my mother didn't notice. She probably did. She even joked about it from time to time, that she knew. I did this, take the Mellaril every other day, till I started the Olanzapine in 2003. The Olanzapine worked much differently, I noticed. It seemed to build up in my system. Skipping a day seemed to make little difference. So I just took it every day. Until last year. November as I said, I stopped for 6 months. And I felt fine. No irrational worry, no panic, no thoughts of suicide, etc. Then when my doctor found out, he put me on 2.5 mg Olanzapine. Which I am still on to this day. Olanzapine causes me Type II Diabetes. And drugs like Haldol turned me into a virtual invalid. I asked my therapist if I am like under some kind of court order to take Olanzapine. He says of course not, well yes, well no, well yes, etc. As I said, there is still a lot of secrecy in my life. Presently I have no reason to believe that will ever change.

 

Someone wants me to stop looking and thinking about black men. I am not joking. And I think the police might have a hand in this too. I am still not joking. I think this may all be over with now. I am not sure though.

Also I don't think I was ever really staring that much at black boys or men. Even by the 8th grade I was getting better at avoiding that. I think they just found out about my interest in that boy and black men in general some other way. People, including my therapists, always knew everything in my room. Including the pictures I had.

And they have been harassing me on the subject, since then basically. Telling me I'm not to look or think about men. My mother had no problem with things like pornography. She was actually very open-minded, I should say. But in public, I was not to even think about certain men, apparently. And at one point, I suspect, someone was even trying to break me from my interest in black men in general. Even though I really had no idea at the time what was even going on.

I couldn't make up this stuff. Could I?

 

Yeah, someone is trying to stop me from looking/thinking about black men. Yes, just black men. I have no idea why just black. But that's all I know.

Sometimes other men. But for the past, like maybe 10 years, mainly black. I am not kidding. There is evidence to support this. I think this is the last time I'll say anything about this.

 

Also, you know, my pediatrician claimed I had Mononucleosis in HS, starting in the junior year. No I didn't. It was the akathisia. He claimed to do a blood test each time I went there for at least another year. And he claimed it showed the presence of mono. No didn't. He lied about the results. I'm onto that deception now. Mono was a funny thing back then. It also was associated with chronic fatigue syndrome. And I am not saying my pediatrician was doing anything wrong. I still think he was a good man. But he was in on the deception. And since, perhaps 1992, when I sign for things like colonoscopies and other medical procedures, I am signing a fake document. Why does this deception continue, when I know all about it? It's being used against me. My doctors have warned me. And yet it continues.

It may end soon. But I have no reason to believe it will now though.

 

I think some things I've seen on TV are meant to be satirical of people with mental and intellectual problems. In other words either or both of those things. But in a kindly way. I think in fact that might be why Matt Groening created the cartoon character Homer Simpson. In the Simpsons episode "HOMR" (2001) Homer Simpson's IQ is revealed to be 55. That would be considered on the low end of mild mental deficiency. I think Groening might have based Simpson on people with mental issues too, for example those with OCD as a symptom. As we can see in the conversation between Homer and the Movementarian in the airport in "The Joy of Sect", Season 9, Episode 13 (air date February 8, 1998):

"A new and better life awaits you on our distant home planet, Blisstonia."
"Hmm. Makes sense."
"We're having a free get-acquainted session at our resort this weekend."
"How much is this free resort weekend?"
"It's free."
"And when is this weekend?"
"It's this weekend."
"Uh-huh. And how much does it cost?"
"Um, it's free."
"I see. And when is it?"
"It's this weekend."
"And what are you charging for this free weekend?"
"Come on, Dad. The team's arriving."
"It's free, right?..."

"It's free, right". Anyways, I have already shared Homer Simpson quotes on these board. Some of them are just meant to be comical. But I think some may show symptoms of some classic intellectual and psychological illnesses:

Does Homer Simpson Get Stupider Every Year?

 

Documents like the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities say that a person should be presumed competent and able to make all important decisions until it's proven otherwise. This doesn't mean that they will always hold that status. It will still be decided on a case-by-case basis.

The only issue I can think of that should be approached carefully is being a parent. If people, especially with intellectual problems, want to become parents, there are more than just their rights involved. There are the rights of the children too to consider. I personally believe there should be a mental cut off age. I don't think a person with a mental age lower than a ten year old should be allowed to be a parent. I could be wrong. I am not a doctor and I haven't studied this issue too much. Plus, I think if they are receiving things like government assistance, checking up on their children should be built into that. Make sure that they not neglecting them, for example.

I don't know what my legal status is. It's still a secret. My doctors warned me my cousin was my legal guardian. Now they are back to denying it. Also they say I have a normal legal status. Yet everywhere I go people seem to think I can't even tie my own shoes. Like I have a legal status of someone with very low intelligence. I think I am somewhere in the normal range. I don't remember taking any IQ test in my life. Actually the tests I did take, I usually scored well on. When I entered some new educational environment, like the first grade or junior high, I had to adjust. But once I did, I did well again. Also as I said, people are using my legal status to make decisions behind my back. Some that could potentially hurt me. Like taking away my car in the city I live in. The last time I spoke to my cousin on this matter, he told me he still was going to do it some day.

I think I will probably always need a little help. Most or all of my problems are probably psychological. Plus as I said, I often find things a lot easier than I thought they'd be. But as far as I know, there is no change in my life. Everything seems the exact same.

 

I recently told my family physician, I know my limitations. Not everyone does, I've noticed. One thing I've noticed in science, is that things are never as simple as they would seem. When I was a young man even, I thought I could go back in time and alter my DNA. And back then, from the news reports, it sounded so simple. I probably wasn't the only person to think that. Just extract the DNA from the nucleus, and put it in a new cell. But consider Dolly the Sheep. She was cloned in 1996. (People thought she was the first animal cloned. She wasn't. In 1958 a British scientist cloned a tadpole.) And it was not easy or safe to do.

They said in the news reports of the time, she could have had some pretty serious genetic diseases. She did die in 2003, just 6 years later. Euthanized due to lung disease and arthritis. The problem was she was born with the same genetic age of the host that her DNA came from. So it's not easy to do.

Actually, mental deficiency seems easy to correct. Brain damage, like due to an accident, can be reversible. Because, although you die with fewer brain cells than you are born with, sometimes your ganglia can grow back. So some people speculated, again when I was a child, if someone has a developmental problem, simply stimulate their brain. And you can get their ganglia to grow back. I even read an article in a tabloid around that time of father who was doing that for his developmentally disabled daughter. Doing things like stimulating her mentally and having her breathe pressurized Oxygen. Again it's clearly not that simple. Or we'd be doing it by now.

Also I learned something interesting in 1986, at my eye doctor's office. I thought up till then the human eye only has one tear or mucous layer on it. Actually, it has several. And the process which the eye uses to coat itself is very complicated.

The point is often things aren't a simple as they seem. And I realize that now.

 

When I was a kid, I thought it was my business to know everything that was going on. There was this boy in my grade school. Another child brought in a record with his picture on it and songs he had recorded. He said he didn't remember recording that album. Although he was in a recording studio once. His parents told him he was recording songs just for fun. And the picture on the album was a family photo. I guess his parents couldn't afford private school, and they thought he deserved it, because he was more intelligent than average. So they secretly sold that album to pay his tuition. When my class found all this out, I told him, well, you're going to tell us how everything turns out with your parents. Aren't you? My fellow classmates told me it was none of my business. I don't know, we were involved up to that point. But the point is, I know a person doesn't have to know everything all the time, even in his own life.

Now I do have to say. If someone is making decisions behind his back. Especially dangerous reckless decisions, that's very different. As I said, that seems to be what is happening with me now.

 

I also don't know if some people realize that things that are thought in popular culture to be intellectual, really aren't necessarily. I still don't see the big deal about William Shakespeare. I'm not saying his works are on a low intellectual level. But they are not much more than average, I think. Especially when you take into account his works are written in Jacobean English, like the King James Bible. He did have an insight, I know.

Also, I got the book "Man and His Symbols" about 25 years ago. It was published in 1964 by famous analytical psychologist Carl Jung. The lady who sold it to me at the book store told me it was written for laymen. You know, most of Jung's works are very intellectual. I also got "Utilitarianism: For and Against" by J. J. C. Smart at my community college around 1994 or 5. I can also tell it is written on an average intellectual level, at best, meant for laymen. I think it is also meant to be kind of tongue-in-cheek.

I was telling my doctor, when I was a young child, still about 9 or 10 perhaps, I once saw a real college text book. The print was small, much smaller than the print you see today in most American college books. There were few pictures. Only charts, if necessary. And there were no cartoons, satirical I mean. Text books today, even in colleges, usually have one or two satirical cartoons.

I know again, in my country, there are basically three types of colleges, I've noticed. Universities, that only the most smart people qualify for. Commuter colleges, that unlike universities, you don't have to live on campus at. And community colleges. The last school I went to was a community college, in 2000. Shortly after my mother died, I was surprised by what I read in the class catalog. Do you consider yourself mentally deficient, it asked. I was surprised to read that. But you know, to get a good paying job in my country with a decent salary, you have to have a college education. Last I heard, in places like Europe, they still had the university system. Where only the most intelligent could qualify for college.

 

You know, traveling back in time when I was in HS and shortly after. I now know I could never understand how to do it. No laymen could. Plus time travel would fraught with things like temporal paradoxes, physicists think. I thought I could have just gone to a university. I thought the human genome had already been mapped out (it wasn't until 2003). Get a book and genetics. And voilà, that's all I had to do. It's nowhere near that simple, I now realize.

But you know, I did have an ingenious idea for time travel. It probably wouldn't work either. But I'll share it. I saw a book in the 7th grade on Einstein. I didn't read it thru. But it said time travel involves the speed of light. It actually involves faster than light speed, I now know. Why not just use light then? Not travel on a light beam. But maybe use a laser beam in someway, I speculated. I know I'm not a scientist. But I wonder if there is something to that.

 

This is going sound strange. But educators say, most young Americans can't write cursive. I think that's a red herring. Or maybe they are just talking about the average pupil now. Educators know that we are lowering the standard of our education system, so everyone can basically graduate. I don't know if you know this. But at one time, many people didn't qualify to finish most schools. Like universities. Only the smartest of the smart qualified to go there once. And most of them still failed. Did you know that? Same thing with grade schools and high schools. I don't think most of them failed those. But many more did than do today, I think. I still remember. It was not uncommon to fail grade school or HS when I was a young child. Now it almost never happens. Is that correct? I know at the community college I went to, they seem to have to give you a passing grade. In the Fall of 1994, I was taking an accounting class there. And I really didn't understand it. Debit in one column, credit in the other? I could never figure out how that all worked. But it didn't matter, I was only taking it for fun. I obviously failed the class. But the teacher still gave me a passing grade, though very low. I'm serious. I am not saying educators are doing this on purpose. Actually, the thing about our education system now, is that more people just are meant to qualify for it and pass it. I think I read on the internet recently that now about half of all Americans would be considered of low intelligence and fail school, even in the not too distant past. I don't know if that's correct. It might have been an exaggeration. But I think that's good, inclusion. I still think certain jobs should only have the most intelligent people in them though. I'm sorry.

 

I think I'm only going say this once. But for about 30 years now, I have assumed I am pretty dumb. And that is kind of frightening. But I actually maybe no more or less smart than the average American now, which is even more frightening. Maybe average Canadian, Icelandic person and European too. I don't know.

You know I now know I was deprived of Oxygen at birth and I do have probably have some form of brain damage. The doctors think maybe just Cerebral Palsy. And Schizotypal Personality Disorder, which can appear to affect your intelligence. But I am still confused by it all now.