Your Biggest Mind Fuck?

Man death fucked me up, when my mom died it was like a wierd trip, everything was slowed right down I don't know but death definatly screws with you.

 

it is & has been my biggest ever.i've always had a short penis & i've always been ashamed of inviting a girl to my home.& now that im 23 i feel so fucked up with the matter of sex & i think it'll continue forever & i just get more fucked up day by day & cant break this shit & another thing is that i cant keep a good relationship with anybody so it seems ill be forever lonely too.this loneliness is worse than the first problem. so have you ever had this much big fuck in your brain? lol ,yeah i have it. enjoy your lives.you're not worse than me however.

 

parents (or parent) followed by govt. i dont remember my dad much. he was away at work alot. he and mum separated several times. he died when i was 13. but my mother is the main reason for my probs. she never understood my interests. never encouraged me. only belittled me. the things that i did have a passion for she pretty much killed for years and years. its hard to believe that i was a product of them. i am so different than they were. i am still healing though. she didn't kill the hippie in me.


now for the govt. what to say that hasn't been said before. it sucks that we have people dictating our lives who aren't free. who and what gives them the right to say who can marry who, what we can do with our bodies, to stick their nose in others business, to not listen to the massses is beyond me.

peace and love, may you find yours

 

wow. you have it so easy.

 

I voted for other.
As there was a short period of my life in which four of the options all happened at once. and it was not good.
My story starts four years ago.
All the things happen 2 years ago.
And the rest is its after effects, which i still feel 2 years later.

School:
School did me some good and some bad. It helped me realise i dont fit in the mainstream, it helped me realise that nomatter how people reacted to my hair, or opinions, i could stand firm in my beliefs. However, my beleifs resulted in me getting called names, generally insulted, and beaten to a pulp, more than just a few times. It had an incredible effect on me, I have more than every confidence in my belief's but none in myself. Both to the extreme.
It also resulted in me taking craploads of drugs way too young.
Which moves me onto...

Drugs:
Well, in all the chaos of school, i ended up hanging out with a bunch of friendly freaks, all aged between 1 or 2 years older than myself.
We had a hardcore goth chick,
A 6.5 foot tall gay asian guy,
The neo-hippy lesbian raver girl,
A nerdy classical guitarist,
A philosipher,
and a few oddballs on the side.
When i met these guys, my life changed, i had the best time of my life for 2 years, when i first started smoking dope.
After that I had a major freakout, and became a severe hyperchondriac.

Death:
xmas, 2 years after my unity with the friendly freaks;
Life was great, i was dating the neo-hippy lesbian raver girl, who at that point, i was very much in love with.
I had safely experimented with dope, large amounts of booze, speed, coke, mushrooms, and maybe a few others.
Sitting by the xmas tree, on a fine christmas morning, with my family.
My father bursts in the front door after taking his mother to the hospital the previous night. We had been waiting for him to start xmas.
The only thing he says, is 'Your grandmother's dead'.
I didnt cry, i just sat there in shock. we were all very close to her.

Love:
As previously mentioned, i was dating the girl of my dreams.
I loved her, but she, didnt me.
I had known her for a very long time, and my love for her just built up over the years, i didnt even realise until i actually dated her.
We were only dating for about 2 months, and i had lost my virginity to her.
About a week after i was informed of my grandmothers death, she dumped me, becuase i liked her 'too much'.
under a week later she was dating my best freind, and still is to this day.
After about a month, the gay asian guy revealed to me that it was all prearranged my himself the girl, and my best freind.

So all was great until that xmas.
The events happened in this order, as they all interlink.
School,
Death,
Breakup 1 week later,
Freakout/panic attack the day after.

After that, i am still recovering, and have a near constant fear of sudden death. Social life destroyed, all sense of confidence with it.
I went through a year and a half of alcoholism and coke abuse with loads more drugs mixed in when i couldnt afford coke.
Havent had a girlfriend since, thats just about 2 years ago.
Im finally starting to get sorted out though.
Ive quit durgs and alcohol etc.
Maybe taking some courses.

 

ahh i dont like most of those and most of em have fucked with me in one way or another.. haha but i would have to say my parents marriage fucked my faith in love. i am 18 and have never had a serious relationship, i avoid them, i have a hard time connecting with people because i feel self conscious that they are just going to abandon me.. emotionally. its strange. i really cant say if all my social problems stem from my parents, their marriage, their love for eachother and lackthereof, but i would assume it has played a pretty vital role...

 

Drugs for sure. at 14, everything is fun and games but once you find out there are OTHER substances out there besides what you hear on tv and through other people, your whole world is consumed by a sick obsession of interest that really goes nowhere. all I have learned from psychedelics is a bunch of vague bullshit that cannot be communicated to that has not psychedelics. it is like a dead language that does not mean anything. I have wasted and dedicated too much of my life looking for an answer that was never there. that was the biggest mind fuck ever. spending so much time and realizing there was no means to an end, but rather had completely fooled myself.

 

Mind fucks are so awesome for growth because they ask - now what are you going to do about it?

 

internet relationships.

 

My dad died four years ago when I was nine. I still get terrible dreams where I'm chaing him, and I wake up before I get to see him again. I can't fall asleep after them, and I'm left alone to cry in the dark until morning.

 

Thinking about my theory that based on the theory of life that everything happens for a reason, could you not completely eliminate the brain functioning portion of the decision making process by doing something as simple as flipping a coin, is my biggest mind fuck.

 

Relationships. Love is mine. Not marriage- just love.

 

i was stoned bout an hour ago and i realized that every grateful dead song is one 30 year song they all run into eachother

 

i guess i'd have to say human gullability. i mean people keep saying if you don't know history you'll repeat it, then i see those who DO study history, most of them, reapeating it deliberately, and i don't mean the good parts, if there are any good parts, either.

=^^=
.../\...

 

i voted church, sitting in sunday school listening to them preach and some of the stories are absured..i mean really , someone living in a whale??? But i think its a good mix of all of the above.

 

society

 

my mind fuck is definatly done by "The Man" and the media they subliminaly fuck with us and pollute our minds

 

damn the man


i'd say men

 

My biggest mind fuck is how church always told me "the greatest commandment is love". The meanest people I ever met were prominant people in church. I have never seen as much hate as religion brings. Islam, christianity, etc.. so much hate against gays, blacks, jews, etc...


"If you aren't one of us then I am commanded to kill you" attitude is what is all boils down to.

 

It was a mind fuck when i started reading other people's thoughts on acid...one crazy mind fuck!