writing letters

awww, i tugged on jojo's heart strings

*gigggles*

 

We're a good hearted crowd in here I'll let you know.

 

haha i just realized we like barely ever criticize eachother. i should make myself the dedicated insulter. in case theres a thread where no one can stand to critize someone, i'll be here.

of course i really digged the stuff that was put up there. and im too high to remember what im writing about. hehe.

 

i know the feeling, jojo.

*gigggles*

i say we write love letters.... what do you think????

i know you've probably written a few in your day, jojoeyes...

and lovelight... come on, bust out!

i found one, but i have to type it.

i *will* post it, however.

 

lol u act like im olhippy, a romantic old guy.

my letters are shit though. although i find my straight writing to be better and more rewarding than songwriting

 

Resignation letter:

Dear management,

I, White Scorpion Esq., hereby present my thirty days notice of resignation. I would hereby like to take this humble opportunity to thank you for teaching me such a vast plethora of knowledge over the last ten years: namely fuckole. I appreciate that the art of 'nothing' is considered heavenly bliss in some cultures of this vast planet, but it would be truly ungrateful of me to say that I gained nothing in that intermitent period that some would decribe as employment.

For instance, nothing gave me greater joy than having your pretentious managers comment on mine and my staff's appearance, be it long hair or an ear ring that was a nanometer beyond the acceptable circumference. It was fascinating to work in an environment that resembled a draconian medieval society with all its superstitious whims on witch hunting anything that is not within their rigid and anal retentive form.

How could I ever forget all the fuckups your proactive managers made and unconsciously blamed on me? Truly remarkable ingenuity worthy of great note that even the calculating Machiavelli would have stooped to applause, had his IQ been similar to yours and the protozoic life you share your brain cell with.

It would be rude of me not to mention the courses and seminars which I organized that saved your company money and made it look promising to your deluded investors, whilst you took all the credit for it. I think the word for it is 'plagiarism'. You can look for it in the dictionary. It's under 'p' same as 'piss', 'poor', 'pathetic', 'pricks'; some words that you are already quite familiar with.

Lastly, and hoping that you've managed to reach this far since you are illiterate, I would like to thank the unexplained entity that made you for showing the random and chaotic power of creation. It is nice to be able to puzzle over our existence and wonder why some things were born in human form when they have the mental capacity of a dung beetle and, albeit, less use in their environment.

With all my kindest regards,
May you live as long as a gastrotrich,

White Scorpion.

P.S. Most people like to mark the end of an era with a quotation. There once was a great Chinese philosopher who never said a thing. His name was all that mattered. He was called Fuck You.

 

*applause*

that was magnificent, Scorpy

 

LoL.

You have me in tears!!!

*gigggggles*

 

Thank you, darling Hippievixen. If anyone's had enough of their workplace and they're treated like shit, they're welcome to copy the letter out, change the details as appropriate and send it to their benevolent boss.

 

Dear Mr. President,

I know you won’t read this, but I’m hoping that you can find someone that can read it out to you. Basically, and so as not to waste too much of your precious time which you need to pursue the pleasures of fishing and golf, I will get straight to the point.

I know that it doesn’t concern you much, but do you realize the effect your leadership is reflecting on your country throughout the rest of the world? For a little while now, I’ve been surfing around some forums (that is a term we use on the internet and doesn’t involve surfboards, sea and tanning lotion. If you ask one of your NSA advisors they will explain it to you.) and I have met many Americans that I am glad to call my friends. They are smart, good-willed, and have respect for life and other cultures.

Obviously, there are some as well who have pigshit for brains, but show me a country that hasn’t got tripe on some menu. The thing is, however, that they’re not running the country. And in a sad way, you aren’t either.

The problem arises in the fact that as leader you’re not drawing the respect you should. Frankly, I don’t think you’re ever going to do that by bombing third world countries and getting a lot of Americans needlessly killed in the process.

I know I’m boring the shit out of you. You’ve heard this so many times from so many people, including that fat man that keeps pestering you and all that. And I know if you were going to reply off the record you would say: “It’s not really in my hands.”

But I was wondering if you could at least give some semblance that you are running a democracy. Most of us know that it’s a sham and one big soap opera, but America’s image overseas has really gone downhill, even in England. For heaven’s sake, you allowed your own people to drown for how long before sending aid. And you’re supposed to live in the most powerful nation on earth!

Can you see that this is bad management? Maybe you should sack some people and bring some new faces in. I mean you can still carry on playing golf, or whatever, but please find some people that actually care a bit for those they represent.

And please, no more reality shows. Our brain is enough mushy already.

Things are only complicated if we make them and it’s never too late to turn a new leaf. My advice: give a decent payoff to some of your old crew, get some young people that will bring some respect back to your lovely country, and bring back those poor troops from Iraq.

I know you will give my missive the outmost attention.

My regards to you and Babs,

White Scorpion

P.S. Once the NSA agent has explained the internet to you, feel free to visit the Writer’s Forum here. We’ll help you with spelling, reading, writer's block, athlete's foot, etc.

 

hiipievixen your piece was touching. really human.

love light, your break up letter reminded me of shitty relationships. ugh. bad energy.

white scorpion you should totally send that as your resign letter.

on a personal note.. i did somehting pretty sad recently.. i wrote a letter to my high school nemesis, apologising for being an awkward teen. He's a teacher, and a bit like a vulture. i gave him real hell, and we had some intersteing 'conversations' ie; thats so unfair. well thats life... well thats a very pessimistic view, ever heard about equality?

yeah.. bad idea to confront a teacher head on about his authority issues. i should have just called him sir, and let him be.