Would you like to know the benefits of being a Christian?

I had a personal relationship with god,but jeasus got jealous and started talking shit about us.When I complained to god , god said that I was just making a big fuss over nothing,but then one day I got home and god was in nothing but a thong and jesus was hiding in the bedroom afraid to come out.Anyway we ended up having a threesome and I haven't seen either one of them since.Am I going to hell for that?