Wierdest reasons for not coming into work.

the ostrich wont take my jock strap off.

 

Jesus aint answering the phone

 

Got the ebola virus again.

 

my blood is leaking out

 

My heart stopped beating.......again......oh well.

 

my computer crashed.....into my neighbors face!!!!!!!!!!

 

while I was getting the gasoiline this guy came in the place and bought some nerds candy and crushed them on the counter and snorted them up..

Then he became a instant nerd and built a time machine out of a candy wrapper, a cell phone(boost mobile) and a glass rose.. so Im like wtf dood.. and he said "do you want to go with me?", and I said "sure".. But not thinking my car was still at the pump and these people was getting mad.

So the nerd dood built a lazer out the checkout barcoder,, Vaporizing them.. So Im like holy fucking shit right.. And then I can hear fire trucks coming and nerd doods like hurry up the time potal is closing... So I just made it when it closed and then we went for ice cream and I just lost track of time after that...

 

I just got arrested for shooting cops

 

karma is hunting me

 

a prostitute bit my tongue

 

hubby hide my car keys

 

there are ninjas on the lawn trying to kill us!

 

my car sparked a womans sundress on fire

 

my neighbor needs to be terminated

 

my lawnmower is being repossessed

 

bad hair day

 

It's sunny. (I'm a vampire)

 

A mortar hit my CHU... Wait a second, that is not a weird reason where I am at!!

P.S. CHU is an acronym for Containerized Housing Unit. It is for soldiers in iraq.

 

the monkeys told me to steal 45 bananas

 

Im busy chasing cars