Why do we dislike others?

Never said that. I think you aren't dealing with all your shit.

I know this is a bit radical, but why not express it as anger? So long as it isn't destructive, what's the problem?

Ummmm.... which is what I kinda thought I was saying? There's nothing wrong with feeling jealous, for example. It's a perfectly healthy emotion when something we hold precious is threatened. The problem arises when we fail to understand the emotion and allow it to dominate us to the point where we our ability to act rationally is impaired.

Well that's fine in the context of your personal life, but it doesn't do much to progress an objective debate, does it?

Now you sound like a born again christian. See, I can accept your hypothesis about energy (although I don't believe it - I think it's just psycho-babble shorthand for explaining peoples' behaviour), but you get right up my nose when you start to tell me what is and isn't real. OK, so matter is vibrating energy, but there's nothing proven in there that equates this with pseudo-hippy concepts of 'negativity' and 'positivity'. So what we're left with is something that's your opinion - nothing more, nothing less. My opinion is that new-age shite workers (no offence - thinking more of the Glastonbury posse here) use this language as a means of control and power. By saying someone gives off 'negative energy' (ie actually expresses how they feel when they're down, angry, jealous etc as opposed to bottling it up and pretending to be happy) there's an implicit criticism, and an inherent assumption of superiority. You're essentially saying that you're spiritually whole, while the person who's 'nagative' is spiritually crippled. This is no different to the christian attitude of the redeemed and the damned. Elitist shite.

Now I agree with you that some people have what you might refer to as a negativity about them, but I don't think it can be reduced to spiritual shorthand. Some people are destructive, critical of everything arounf them, demotivated, unhappy as a lifestyle choice. But apart from that you've already stated that negativity is entirely subjective in your mind, so you appear to be judging people for something that has no actual grounding in objective reality - unless you'd care to be a tad more specific?

Wow. What a load of crap! Not only are you judging massive sections of society simply on the basis that they don't share your own lifestyle choice, but you're also making ludicrously naive and complacent assumptions about the festival and club subculture. To me, this sums up one of the things that I find the most sickening about the hippy/alternative scene - an unwillngness to address the problems in its midst, and a pretence that if you smile hard enough, all your troubles will vanish. This has led to so many people's lives being wrecked it's tragic.

Why? So you don't think that dancing, listening to loud music, and getting off your face on whatever drug's to hand is a good way to avoid your problems? Seems tailor-made to me. Not to mention that fact that I'm not assuming anything. I spent most of my 20s at festivals and free parties, so I'm not just judging something I've never had any involvement in. I'm not saying that this is all that festies and clubs are about, but the proportion of unhappy people is about the same as in any other walk of life as far as I was ever able to determine.

No, I'm saying if you have serious problems, a shit-load of fun is probably a great way to try and forget about them.

Wow. You can really judge for England once you get going, can't you? Of course clubs and festivals mask emotional reality! People are out of their faces dancing and listening to loud music! Just how much emotional reality do you think that leaves room for?!? Hell, I can even remember doing it myself... .going to a festival to forget about a bad break-up for the weekend.

Ummmm...... yeah, I read exactly what you said. You said:

Now colour me confused, but I don't even see the remotest possibility of falling apart mentally anywhere on the horizon in my life, grip or no grip. If you can see 'falling apart mentally' on the horizon if you don't 'get a grip' then you're on the verge of a breakdown. Sure, you may very well be quite capable of avoiding it, but you're still on the verge. If you're not on the verge of a breakdown, then you haven't explained yourself adequately - and that's a failure of your ability to communicate, not my ability to understand.

Well I satand by my assertion. Your deluded assumption that festivals are full of happy, healthy flower children is a perfect illustration of how you selectively screen reality to suit your own ends.

(continues)

 

(continued)

See above. You'd like there to be an alternate culture of happy people, so you project it. That projection is the barrier. The uncomfortable reality is.... hmmm, the real world. Go figure.

What else would you like me to base my opinion on? If you don't want to discuss this, then that's fine. But if you do, then I have to form an opinion based on what you've written, don't I?

I could pick you a hundred born-agains who'd say exactly the same thing. If their version of reality is correct, then yours can't be - and vice versa. The two are mutually exclusive. Many spiritual paths will see you through a crisis, but it doesn't make them objectively true.

Sorry, but this just isn't true. I have an ex who talks constantly about her abusive stepfather. She's quite open about what she went through. She's been to counselling. She thinks she's moved on. However, it's quite evident to anyone who knows her that she's still suffering from the affects of this abuse, but is too scared to confront it on a deeper level and deal with it. She's in denial. Does she realise this? No.

No, I've not judged you. I've formulated opinions based on what I've read, which is surely to be expected. I'm quite prepared for the 'real you' to be entirely different to my expectations. The written word is rarely the best form of communication.

Sorry, thought you had done

 

So then you would appear to be agreeing with me. The problem is not anger, but rather the way you deal with it.

You were doing so well, and now you're right back to where you started. An arrogant, self-righteous, opinionated, patronising bitch. It seems to me that as soon as you feel threatened, you fall back on this behaviour pattern of avoiding rational debate, and dismissing the opinions of others as those of lesser beings who "don't understand it yet". I'm delighted that you're such an enlightened example of sublime perfection, and truly overjoyed that a creature of your resplendent magnificence should even stoop so low as to communicate with a humble peasant such as myself. Yet again, a great impression of a born-again.

You work with energy, and so since you've experienced it, it's real. Christians work with christ, and because they've experienced him, he's real. No room for debate. Seeing any similarity yet?

Indeed. And yet, amongst the various practitioners of different forms of healing, there's significant disagreement over what forces they're actually utilising and how it actually works. But hey, I'm sure you're the one who's right and nobody else know what they're talking about!

It's interesting to see you lower yourself to the level of a petulant child in order to attempt to 'win' an argument. Of course, it's perfectly common for arrogant people to assume that everyone should be jealous of them, since their lives are always so perfect and full of happiness. In such instances of overwhelming, patronising idiocy, it usually escape them that the person with whom they're arguing may actually be perfectly happy and content. Because surely theirs is the only path to happiness?

Honestly, this is pathetic even by your usually low standards. But then I suppose it's a superb substitute for a rational argument.

Would that be like christians who 'see' the holy spirit?

But interestingly, you did just avoid the question......

Ummm.... yeah, frequently, actually.

You're gibbering again. You need to make the effort to explain yourself if you want to debate something.....

Oh I see, so you're actually advocating recreational drug use as a path to enlightenment? And I've heard the shit that gets talked on come-downs, and it's seldom anything to do with addressing real problems.

I wasn't assuming anything. I was speaking from direct personal experience of the festival scene over many years. But of course because I don't share your interpretation, you leap to the conclusion that I'm making assumptions. How very new-age of you.

Oh do me a favour! You could apply that sentence equally to people at the cinema, in the pub, down the beach..... it's meaningless.

Ummmm.... no I couldn't. Not without some exceptional intervention of external circumstance. That's not avoiding reality - that's self-awareness.

Umm.... I was kinda thinking mentally well-balanced, emotionally well-balanced, happy with my life...... the sort of things that tend to help avoid mental breakdowns. How, exactly, is that arrogant?

Strange that, because I thought you were degenerating into personal abuse... which kinda puts the lie to your whole bullshit facade of emotional wholeness and new-age lightiness. You talk about not disliking people because it's 'negative energy', but you're quite happy to unload your personal shit on me in a confrontational and destructive fashion. Did you not notice how we were having a reasonable discussion until you started your old routine? I don't mind you being a hypocrite - hell, we all do that from time-to-time, but I do object to the self-delusion that allows you to claim superiority to the rest of us.

..... which you seem to base simply on them being somewhere that they want to be. Which is such a ridiculously facile argument, it simply holds no weight. People on holiday are 'where they want to be'. Or are you judging them because they're not taking drugs and dancing? Why, exactly, isn't their energy positive?

Interestingly, I see your sensitive empathic nature is boiling down to personal abuse again. Seeing as I have no need or desire to force my spiritual beliefs onto others or project them as objective facts, I'm quite happy to keep them private and personal. Since they don't involve buying crystals or arranging my 'wealth corner', I don't think my beliefs can really be described as a hobby. The difference between you and I is not the profundity of our beliefs, it's the extent to which we attempt to derive from those beliefs objective facts, which we can then use to judge others and justify our arrogant attitudes. Hands up if you think you're an indigo child....

 

But seeing as you're allegedly the spiritual one, doesn't it seem a tad ironic that you're the one with the ego (constantly telling me how superior you are to me.....) and also the one who introduces personal insults into the debate? I'm very impressed with your advanced spiritual connection with the universe.

Right. So what you're saying is that they're basically no different to anyone else?

I see. So you were there, were you? Met him, did you? Or are you just fitting him to your own agenda like.... well, like christians, actually!

What a load of empty, ignorant, childish shite. So would you equally say the same about a child who's been sexually abused and who refuses to deal with it in any way? Or would you say that they need help? You're one stupid, fucked-up bitch with your head so far up your arse you could lick your own teeth clean. How dare you accuse me of being arrogant about a relationship about which you know absolutely nothing. To follow your reasoning, she could knife me in the ribs, but my opinion wouldn't matter....... because it's her life, and what she thinks is all that's important. What a load of ludicrous bullshit.

The girl in question is know to me (who, despite three years of abuse, am still her friend..... but obviously I'm the one judging her) and to some other people who are all amongst the most well-balanced, caring, non-judgemental people you could hope to meet...... they all think she has issues that she needs to face, but you - who've never met her - think you know better. This is brilliant! This is exactly indicative of why twats like you who talk about healing actually do more damage than good! You encourage people to avoid their problems and bury them! This girl needs help, but you're there on the sidelines shouting "don't worry about it so long as you can deny it". Way to go.

Idiot. You talk as though I know nothing about what you're talking about. I've spent many years with friends who practice all manners of alternative therapies. I have friends who are reiki practitioners, colour healers, shaman, witches...... and pretty much everything else under the sun. Why on earth would I want you to practice your healing on me, when I believe you have so much still to heal in yourself?

 

Just a thought, but maybe you should reply when you're a little more chilled. You seem to be cranking up the aggro handle with each post at the mo, which isn't doing anything other than turning this into a slanging match.

 

I suspect there may be some dislike happening within this thread. Mirrors are hard to look at sometimes, eh? I feel that if you shine enough light on anyone you can soften them at least enough so that they won't hurt you. Be carefull with dislike, in my opinion it is a form of psychic attack and only perpetuates negativity. Thoughts..actions...statements are all exponential, if everyone were to waste their enewrgy on disliking people the world wouldn't be a very pretty place, now would it? I believe that everyone has good in them. When I meet a person thats what I look for and it is invariably what I find.

 

The level of misunderstanding surrounding this concept is astonishing. Disliking someone does not require energy - it's simply a reaction to the way a person is. If I dislike fried food, you wouldn't say I was wasting my energy, would you? For some reason, people still seem to insist on confusing 'dislike' with much more negative emotions and reactions.

Furthermore, disliking someone does not preclude the recognition of the good in a person. It's perfectly possible to dislike someone without believing them to be devoid of good.

 

Hmm, "shining light" on people is probably the worst thing you can do for anyone who is having any real yproblems as it encourages they to put their problems to one side where they tend to grow into much more damaging problems.

 

Is it not a fair reaction to dislike something that is cruel or hurtful?


Wouldnt it be more strange to not dislike it?

I dislike war... does that mean its because I am in someway jealous or inflicting bad phycic energy?

NO! it means I am having a perfectly valid reaction to something that is distasteful.

If someones rapes someone... Am I not allowed to dislike that behaviour?

Its just human nature to get on with some people better than others.

If someone is arrogant, I feel within my rights to dislike that side to them. It does not mean I dont see there good points too.

If someone is cruel I reserve the right to get angry at them. It may help them grow as a person to know how there behavior upsets others.

Bottling perfectly valid feelings and opinions up is a bad thing in my opinion and only leads to LESS understanding not more.

Love Clairexxx

 

I don't hold grudges, so no worries.

You are free to dislike him and need to give yourself permission to do so. Don't hate him. Don't judge him. Don't pretend there's no good in him or that he's entirely to blame for his own problems. But you are not obliged to like him.

Reluctant though I am to use your candid admission against you.... I'm afraid I'm going to have to use your candid admission against you

The thing is, you talk about positivity and how all this lightworking makes you a better person and how you never dislike people, but here I am trying to hold a reasonable (if slightly argumentative) conversation, and here you are dumping your shit on me. Can you see how I have problems taking your perspective seriously when it doesn't seem to actually lead to you treating people any better or being any less negative and confrontational? No offence intended there.

We were just starting to get a good conversation going there before you started getting aggressive, and it's a shame to see you allow your issues interfere with your ability to communicate effectively. I'm sure we could get along if you didn't take everything so personally and if you were prepared to consider alternate points of view to your own. Telling someone that you're right and they're wrong, point blank, no discussion is seldom likely to lead to you getting along with them.

Be glad to welcom ya back to the human race

 

Hey! My mum always tells me to make a list when faced with shit like this...

You know a list of all the bad things and the good things in relation to the query / problem i have. In your case your ex.

Seeing it all in black and white seems to help make things clear.

Get happy over the good stuff... get mad over the bad stuff then throw the paper away or burn it (wiccan popping in there )

(OOO and being very drunk while you do it helps )

Seriously... anger is a stage in this case... embrace it, move through it and you'll be free mate

Or you could just kick me for being a patronising cow hehehe

But seriously, I hope you get what I mean?

Lots of Love Clairexxx

 

I would say to you right now that you need to slow down and breathe. Just take your time to give yourself some space - everything is dealable with. You make excuses for this man when really there aren't any, he may be the sum of his experiences but he has the choice whether to inflict those on others. How would you feel about yourself if you behaved in the same way? I imagine you'd loathe yourself, why should it be different towards him? Stop forgiving him, stop fretting about whether you do or don't like him - it's not important. What is important is that you tackle what's coming your way. Take it one step at a time. Write down everything he's threatening and what he can practically do - it'll help keep things in perspective. Secondly, take control. Tomorrow morning, find a solicitor who specialises in that area and get your free half hour chat. One step at a time. Find out what's really on the line and what you can do. If his behaviour is shitting you up like this then he knows it, don't give him that power, behave in a way that he won't expect - sort it out! Find out as much info as you can online and talk to people you work with (if you're working at a school you must be able to talk to parents etc, they'll always know others in the same situation!) Just keep breathing and remind yourself of the bigger picture. There is always hope.

Sam

*edit for colour!!!!*