What makes you stay?

Enhancer is a guy that doesn't do things to people he does not want done to him! Yes I think people that cheat are selfish and not reponsible. Leaving a bad relationship is responsible and the right thing for everyone involved. Really would it be better for the kids to find out one of their parents runs around behind the others back? That would be a good lesson for them? If you are not happy with the person you are with kids just run around and have sex with other people, but whatever you do don't leave that person, because that is so wrong.

 

They know, and it was devastating. Parents aren't perfect, and if anything they learned that about their mom. It caused damage to my own dignity. I am very remorseful about the hurt I caused. But I'm here, making a stable home for them, and they know I won't leave until the time is appropriate.

 

I am not distracted by a new lover! We both give them all the love and attention they need and deserve! Not like I am leaving them at home to go out and fuck somebody else. That might be distracting.

 

My dad and my mom were very distracted by their new spouses, no matter how much we were all in the same room. Come on.....don't insult your kids to think they aren't feeling left out.

 

"Left out" is not exactly what I would call it. But for children to know that their parents can just find another lover that quickly after divorce/breakup can have negative effects on their personality whether they know it or not.

 

I don't insult my kids and they are not being left out! We have very good communication skills in our house and are very honest with each other about everything. There is nothing but respect going on, because that is how they are being brought up in my home. Yes when they are with their mother things are a little different, but there is nothing I can do about her problems or unhappiness, but pick up the pieces and be there even more for them. Me being with her still and being brought down to her level would not benifit my kids in any good way at all.

 

So you see....you have good to report despite the wrongness of leaving a marriage. And I have good to report as well, despite staying in a marriage.

 

sorry to jump in the middle of the discussion, but I think you're being a tad bit hypocritical here. Your children know you have an affair and know you aren't happy in your marriage and know you're staying for them and you think this is somehow better on children than divorce and a new spouse?

Neither situation is exactly ideal.

When someone cheats in a relationship where children are involved, it teaches the children dishonesty and it negates trust. I would rather my child know that I walked away from a situation than know that I snuck around for years ("sacrificed" for the children....I don't ever, ever, ever want to lay the weight of my sacrifices on the shoulders of my child) and made a fool out of my partner.

 

I'm not confident "quickly" is an important factor. Parents do things privately from their children because we are adults and do adult things and have adult thoughts. When a new marriage occurs, new household, new step kids, new rules, new dynamics etc....it is all out there affecting their day to day. That can affect how they cope.

 

All that is very harsh. I wish you could meet my kids. They've learned more about humanity and responsibility and devotion and imperfection, than most.

 

Just for the record I did not leave my marriage! I just did not let it ending end my life.

 

I have no doubt and thats kind of my point - adults aren't perfect and no situation is ideal but we still manage to raise great kids despite this. It just seems like you're judging someone else for splitting up from their partner despite having children and patting yourself on the back for staying in a loveless marriage for the children. Like I said, neither situation is ideal but parents in both situations still have an opportunity to teach their children how to be exceptional people.

I apologize for sounding harsh. I just think everyone in this thread is being unfair to each other.

 

I wasn't judging. I am adding balance. My situation is much easier to judge, and I take it in the gut a lot. (you can go see how many time enhancers has talked degradingly about "cheating" so lecture him about judging). Someone that splits up their home toots their horn about honesty etc. In both scenarios, there is good to report.

 

Again I did not split up my home! I picked up the pieces and made a better life out of it for myself and my kids. I stayed for all the wrong reasons myself. I was wrong. As far as cheating yes I do think it is a shitty thing for someone else to do to someone and I have no respect for anyone who does it. Would never do it under any circumstance and would never stay with someone that did it under any circumstance. If that somehow makes me a bad person then I am fine with that. I don't lie, cheat or steal I know how uncool that is by todays standards, but I feel good about myself so that is all win for me.

 

I don't call other people shitty nor show no respect toward others on forums. That's uncool too.

 

The only people I don't show respect to are the people that don't show any respect to their partners, because to me that is uncool!

 

I have an unconventional model of what respect is.

I think it's an unearned thing, and that all people should get it by default to their existence, their actions though are subject to criticism and their trust should be earned.

I think a lack of respect, creates the foundation for the problems of the world and largely ties in with ego and pride.