What is that you need so badly?

Love. At the moment, I feel more loved then usual. But without it, I have no confidence. If I sense or feel that someone is mad w/ me, I am uselss.

 

You know Vana, you're very right. I didn't realize that was true about myself, but it is. Currently I have a friend mad at me for an unknown reason and honestly it's eating me alive. Thanks for helping me realize that, its a good lesson.

 

which astrological sign are you?

 

I can relate as well, though I think I'm getting better with that. It used to be that I just couldn't stand to have anyone mad at me for any reason at all, but in the last two or three years I've had two or three people develop unreasonable grudges toward me, and I think I'm developing a thicker skin.

Bigblondafro, you have a tough one in not knowing the reason. I always try to determine what the beef is, if possible, then decide---often with helpful feedback from friends whether it's legit or if it's just some unreasonable blaming.

If I decide it's legit I try to make amends however I can, but if I talk it over with a trusted friend an the two of us decide it's just BS, I seem to be able to brush it off pretty well---even when I'm living with them.

I was in a situation several months ago where a roommate had a dangerous dog of his get loose and attack a neighborhood boy. Even though I managed to save the boy, though I ended up getting hurt myself, The roommate and his girlfriend were pissed at me because I didn't have the presence of mind to get contact info from the boy that got attacked so that they could call his parents.

I just wasn't able to think of it at the time---I was too shook up by the whole thing to really think that clearly. My roommate pretty much forgave me but his girlfriend never did for the rest of the time I lived there. But after talking to a friend about it and the boy's parents, who only lived a block away, it was clear that the grudge she had was completely unreasonable.

I probably could have seen that for myself, but it still helps to have an objective outside opinion confirm it. I don't think anyone gets through life without stepping on toes now and then, but a lot of people are pretty unfair about it too , and when they are, just figure it's their problem not yours.

 

Hope. Could do with a good dose of nice, promising, hope.

 

For me it comes down to freedom...even money to exercise that freedom.

 

O sorry for not responding Vana, I fell asleep


I'm a sagitarius if that matters, I'm not a big follower of astrological signs. If someone tells me personally what my future will be because of astrological signs, I'll believe them if I know they're not just making it up. But I can't bring myself to fully believe the newspaper ones, because those are just generalizations that can be interpreted so many millions of ways.

Yeah groovecookie, I see what you mean with that one. The friend I'm currently having trouble with was my good buddy for the last five years. Both me and him were completely ignorant of the school social loop and managed to stay out of it very well. Last winter however, he out of the blue started drinking every weekend with a very average group of friends, started acting very different, and pretty much shunned me. It really bothered me because it made me feel as if something was wrong with me.

Then this summer we were good buds again, but as soon as school started this year he's back to his old antics, but even worse than before. Now he hangs out with the same people me and him used to look down upon as sheep and treats them like closer friends than me. It doesn't bother me nearly as much as last year, because I'm beginning to see that he is addicted to being the center of attention and will do whatever it takes to be in the limelight, even if it means dropping his best friends.

Childish isn't it?

 

That happens. Things probly havnen't changed much since I was in highschool. It's all about cliques. When I was in highschool there were the preps, the punks, and the stoners. I smoked with the stoners once in a while but never did really get into any clique. I was a loner. That was my clique. Me, myself, and I. Sad, huh?

 

No, not sad at all actually. I'm a loner and proud of it. If I was part of any crowd, I would hate myself for it. If you look at all the cliques out there, the people involved all listen to the same music, participate in the same activities, dress alike, talk similar, and hate/ like the same people. There is no crowd out there that is that similar to me. In my middle school/ early high school years I was once a part of basically every crowd but the jocks, but never stayed with one for more than a few months.

This summer I realized how futile it is to be a part of a clique, because then all the negative stereotypes associated with them are associated with yourself, and because then you are no longer an individual, but just a part of a whole, a follower.

In my books, there are two basic types of loners. There are the loners who hate being alone and think there is something wrong with themselves. Then there are the loner who are confident and know they are right. They float over top of the social scene and are generally adored by many and hated by many. This type of person is generally a dominant person and can easily lead large groups, but instead opts to have a few close friends and many acquaintances.

I was originally the first type until I got into psychedelic and learned that I am unique and proud of being who I am. Now instead of being rejected, many crowds accept me and are fascinated by the odd stuff I do. I'd bet money you're one of these individuals as well.

You have to embrace yourself before you can embrace others. Every single leader or revolutionary in history was a loner, but they learned to use this to their advantage. What I've noticed is that every loner who learns to love him or herself is also very intelligent and have a very good sense of humor.

/tangent

 

Oh god. I ask myself this question every day. A lot of times I would say that it is love, like theongoingwow, but I feel that one can't rely on another person to fill a part of you. I know that is cliche... but it's true. No one is truly reliable, even if everyone's beautiful.
I think that, right now, I find a lot of that happiness in art and painting.

 

Good first post! Yeah through the hard way I too have learned that you can't rely on people to ever do what they are saying they will, which makes everyone hypocrits and liars. But you must connect with at least a few of these people in order to make life a little more pleasureable. The one person you must rely on is the love of your life. If you don't trust each other enough to lean on each other, then how are you in love? With this clause comes the fact that lovers will let each other down, but these are just tests to see if you are truely in love.


Do you make a living painting?

 

Well, you're right, I'd rather have been a lonely individualist than a popular follow-the-flock type. It is sad how lonely I was though. Thank god I finally stopped believing in the separation hallucination.

 

I need constant joy...naturally. Don't like empty boring feelings, and I don't think they have to be there, but get there because of natural causes which can include certain foods, and actions.

Meeting great shinning souls has so much power!

 

In my opinion, if you are having empty, boring feelings often, then you are living life wrong. Something in your life must not be right. The title of this thread demonstrates this as a matter of fact. If you feel empty or bored, something must be changed, you must need something. For me I need to be free of society and free of unjust power. And until you right the wrong, you'll continue to get these feelings with increasing frequency and depth.

 

I think you may have that wrong. I'm speaking in general...as in we need constant joy which for me is normal. And if we get depressed or lack joy, then we must acknowledge that we are out of sync, and need to get back to normal.

When we focus on money, company, or other things to fulfill us, we miss the mark, because the effect cannot come before the cause.

 

Yes, that's what I'm talking about. If you are out of sync, then something has to be causing that. Sometimes it's just in your head, but sometimes there is something wrong with the way your life is that needs to be changed before you can truely be filled with happiness. To get back to 'normal' we have to right the wrongs to achieve inner peace

 

My belief is that no amount of spirituality, enlightenment , material gain or lifestyle choice can bring unending joy without suffering.
Joy is to suffering as up is to down or as front is to back. We have to experience both to experience either. It's the relative nature of things. That was what I was trying to say with the yin-yang in my last post. I know that viewpoint isn't likely to be a popular one.....I'm not crazy about it myself, but I have to choose my beliefs by what seems true, whether it's what I want to be true or not.

I do believe one can transcend both, but having one without the other is impossible IMHO.

 

No, you are very right about that. Sometimes I forget that fact, but I try not to. Nature demonstrates it very well with Summer and Winter, Birth and Death, Rain and Sunshine, Moon and Sun, Day and Night, etc. Unending joy or unending pain is to be found in the afterlife, depending on how you did on Earth. I'm still forming an opinion on reincarnation, but currently I'm fairly sure that we have one conscious, one body, and one chance to live life. You must make the best of it while living morally and simply. We're only here for a short time, so live the way you want. Anything that happens on this Earth is so ridiculously temporary, yet we are weak. Every human complains about how much they suffer, but if they knew what the future held, then they would smile and laugh.


If you live right, unending joy awaits you. The challenge you now face is, how do I pass the time we live here and end up with my head in paradise?

Thanks for correcting me, you put some good thoughts in my head.

 

So you believe the one sided coin that cannot exist in this life will exist in the next? And do you really believe that those who live in paradise can be happy knowing that people they love who went to the other place are suffering forever?