What have you stuck it in?

lol....take a condom, put some lube in it, put some lube on your dick, stick your dick in, and then insert your dick in between two couch cushions....and hump away. weird, but feels so good!

 

what about a real vagina?

 

I used a hollowed out cucumber. Was very wet and cold. Put in microwave and was warm and wet.

I also have an electric sander with a soft pad works great. The first time I used it I came without an erection.

 

Lovevto hear them

 

My god I was thinking what I haven't tried is a shorter list! Most did not work in fact some were dangerous and stupid like a glass vase mom had. The opening was smooth and very inviting but like a Chinese finger toy. Once in and hard its well hard to get off (double pun LOL) I slipped it in and as I got hard did not realize it was becoming a cock ring. It actually was becoming painful. Mom and I tried everything including trying to finish the orgasm but as I became that aroused it became painful. after a while it went down some but fidgeting with it and my penis made me harder again. A lap full of ice and time finally let me get soft enough to slip out. My penis was red and irritated after that. It was brought up several times after in a joking way.

 

The night before my first wedding. Two pillows piled up. Stuck it between them trying to train myself to thrust, for the wedding night. I hadn't had any sex for 4 years. Damn I had to wash the pillows and cases after that.

 

+1 vote for the couch cushion. Kneeling in line withe gap between the cushions.....perfect.

 

Beef liver was one of the best feeling thing I've used masturbating but I only did it twice. Wrapping a plastic bag around it and putting it between two pillows felt amazingly like being inside a vagina. However, it made a mess!

My favorite when I was a teen was unzipping the cover over my foam pillow, slitting a place where I could insert a lubed plastic bag. It was an amazing toy to thrust into on my bed and was well hidden between uses.

 

I've used a burrito. I warmed it up, bit one end off, then fucked it until I shot my load into it. Afterwards, I ate the burrito with it's special sauce seasoning.

To all of you that are warning not to try a vacuum.... you obviously are just parroting others & have no experience with them. I have actually used a few different vacuums. I've used my wife's upright vacuum with it's hose attachment. I've also used our two small Shop Vac's & my full sized Shop Vac. Non of them will suck the skin off or cause any damage. The largest risk I've noticed is the possibility of overheating the vacuum due to lack of air flow through it if you keep it plugged with your penis too long. As someone else mentioned, the best sensations cane from only inserting your penis far enough to allow air to flutter past it in the tube.

I've really wanted to get a milking machine setup to use, but cost has kept me from doing it yet.

 

A+ for ingenuity.

 

A modified vacuum cleaner, I used to love the sound of my cock flapping around inside the hose, sounds a bit like a massive fart.

The hose took the entire length of my cock, I used some lube first, I did this in my backyard shed, I often wondered what the neighbours thought, it was quite loud.

I even showed my wife who was also my best mate, she thought I was Lunatic.

 

Drunk, I thought it would be a good idea to shove my erection between the vents of our gas fire….which was on!

You could smell the burning flesh.

 

My first sexual experience with another person happened when I was a youngster in a garden shed. Even now all these years later, the smell of dust and warm wood brings back so many memories

 

urethal sounds 10 inches

 

I like to lotion up my cock really well and put it in a sock, then slide it in between the mattress and box spring of my bed. It’s the perfect height so it feels amazing, and the sock catches all the cum so no mess.

 

I can recall as a boy in our shed playing with my dad's tool box and sticking it in an adjustable wrench, which must have been set just wide enough for me to fit in. Needless to say my little fella started to swell and to my horror I couldn't unlock the adjustment lever.
After the longest 20 minutes in my life I managed to unlock it.
Phew

 

A broken huge teddy bear that my step sister owned, I put a condom on opened the seam at the crotch and pounded my dick for all i was worth

 

My hand if I was in a hurry. if I had time it was a Fleshlight.

 

A very long time ago, I was at home alone. There was a large pork roast in the refrigerator that my mother was planning on cooking for dinner. I took a long knife a cut a slit in the end of the roast thinking it might feel like a vagina. I "fucked" the roast until I came and put it back in the 'fridge. My mother ended up cooking it for dinner without noticing a thing. Everyone enjoyed the roast and nobody could figure out why I had a sheepish grin on my face all through dinner.