well, i guess i was just told how it is

Rolling is kosher.

 

ehhhh
losing his friendship is my biggest fear cause i consider him my BEST FRIEND.

 

kosher, that i like

 

I have been sick and then very addicted to benzos..... my back was so bad that for days i would wake up screaming every ten mins. so for a little while i was unable to do much. I am ALWAYS nice to him.... i thank him when he helps me and now that i am getting better...the house will be spotless... i cook every day.... i dont know what you mean....there is only so much you can give when you are sick.

 

I totally understand. Do you understand why he gets upset though? When you make promises to stop doing something and continue doing it it must really hurt him. Because he isn't very emotionaly healthy it seems like he tries to hurt you right back. I bet having that bag in your house really made him feel disrespected, much like you felt disrespected from how he talked to you, which was very wrong.
What does he want from you? Does he ever tell you what he wants or expects? I am sure he would prefer a loving and healthy wife who wasn't too good at keeping the house clean as oppossed to someone who indulged her illness.
AS for the camera, do you think he keeps it because he's afraid you may trade it for drugs? If not, then the camera has more behind it and maybe he feels like you guys are so out of control the camera is the only thing he can control.

 

i think he is using the camera for control cause he knows i love it and i use it more then him. when he got it for his bday he said we'd SHARE it but he knows that even though i left it at a friend's house i GOT IT BACK. no one stole it. it wasnt lost. its control.

he did say he's bringing it back tonight so we'll see.

and yes im sure him finding that bag pissed him off. see he was addicted to heroin. i never was!!! so just cause he cant do something doesnt mean i cant ya know? BUT after i did od and then he found a bag....let's just say he no longer trusts me. he now buys me things instead of giving me money its annoying because im not doing dope again. ever.


i guess he wants me not to be addicted to stuff but i am trying. im going to the doc. tomorrow for a plan to wean off benzos.... i mean i only had a half a valium today that's IT and one beer cause im so shaky. he should notice im trying to change and get better.

 

I registered a new account to see if I'd be able to post, so this is a test. If it works, cool; if not, fuck it. lol

 

yes!!! hi baby


see if you can get on gmail at the same time

 

Listen to this statement

" he was addicted to heroin. i never was!!! so just cause he cant do something doesnt mean i cant ya know? BUT after i did od ..."


come on Trish? are you stoned now?!

 

yes i over dosed because i mixed it with benzos. i have NEVER gone thru opiate withdrawls and no im not stoned. im way too sober.

 

That's really good that you only had half a valium. Soemthing cool that helped my withdrawals and anxiety is benedryl and it's not addicting either.
I know that you feel him not being able to do something shouldn't stop you, but you guys are married, it's a partnership. Any's in the military and can't do anything at all. I always ask him before I do anything if he's OK with it. He's said no before and I stopped doing it. Being married means having to make sacrfices. Dan seems to make a lot for you and perhaps your relationship would be better if you made a few more for him.
If you want to save your marraige A really good book is Dr. Laura's The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. It sounds traditional and conservative, but it so works. I get anything I want and Andy is happy and we're healthy. We kinda weren't in the begining and got into a lot of heated fights. Since I read that book and changed we have gotten along great.
If you don't want to save your marriage be prepared to support yourself financialy and please don't put yourself in a situation where you are dependent on someone else.
You should commit to one or the other 100 percent. Also I know you guys have somewhat of an open relationship, but does it go both ways?

 

BSR.....I totally understand why you feel like me moving in with Trish wouldn't be the best thing for her situation, but my past benzo use isn't gonna be an issue. Like I told her, I love her more than I love benzos and, yes, even more than I love weed, believe it or not. She's right when she says I'm not gonna let her harm herself, because I won't, if I can help it. I keep telling her I want her to get better and I've told her I won't even use benzos while she's around, if at all, because benzos(particularly xanax) have causes me problems too, and as much as I like taking them, I have grown up a lot over the past year and have learned where my priorities should be. I haven't taken any xanax for over a month, and I haven't taken enough to get fukt up for even longer than that. The last few times I've taken them were only enough to reduce my stress/anxiety.

I want nothing but the best for Trish, and I have even told her to be selfish with her situation, and to not be with me if she thinks it won't be the best thing for her or if it's not what she wants. I am even the one who tells her that Dan actually DOES love her, when she says he doesn't. I was talking to her last night about how I feel guilty, because I don't want her or Dan to get hurt. I don't think they should be together because they haven't been happy for a long time, and I truly believe that they will BOTH be happier if they split up, even if she's not with me. I certainly don't wanna be the only reason they split up, and she assures me that I'm not. Like some of you have said, you can only work on a marriage for so long, and if nothing gets better, you have to cut your losses and move on.

 

lyns
yeah benadryl can be good. ill remember that. and honestly the reason im not doing dope again is cause he doesnt want me too..... as for anything else, im not convinced i want to be with dan anymore. so thanks for the advice but unless something drastically changes and it's not gonna be me, i have other plans.

not trying to be rude. love ya.

 

Hey baby. I'll get on gmail in a minute, but I'm gonna respond to some people who have pm'ed me while I couldn't post and shit. Give me a little while, or you can call me. I'll be on gmail soon though. Promise.

 

I really hope that everything works out for you.

 

Thanks man. And believe me, I'm really not gonna do anything to make things worse for Trish. I do love her and I HOPE I can make her happy and even give her some strength and help her get better. I'll do what I have to and I'm confident that she'll do what he has to do, as well. I know you realize that she's a strong woman, but I get the feeling she's stronger than any of us truly realize. I have faith in her, and so should all of you.

 

I don't think you are being rude at all,. I was pushy. i am sorry for that.
I hope everything works out. Most of all I hope you take care of yourself, because you deserve to live the happiest and best like you can.
HUGS

 

Well I guess I can't PM on this account until I have more posts. I forgot all about that shit. haha find me on gmail, Trish.

 

This is very true. She deserves the very best. Which brings me to ask.....why the hell are you with me Trish? hahaha jk, but seriously.....you deserve nothing but happiness Trish, and you'll have it, one way or the other