trying to read her signs and body language....

i don't really know, but my guess it that she felt like she was putting herself out there saying that shit on the third date, and then when you didn't kiss her she took that as you rejecting her and moved you solidly into the friend zone right then. or, she likes to play games.

 

dude, you had 3 dates, I had almost 6 months of such crap and from an older mature person. same shit, I am telling you. I think there is this category of people who don't really know what they want, yet they don't want to miss any opportunity to find it (while still not knowing what exactly they are looking for) and at the same time they don't want to commit to anything because they don't want to miss a chance to find something better.

So yeah, they sincerely express how nicely they would act if they met that special companion, describe all the wonderful things they would do to him/her and we are listening to them and getting all impressed, not realizing that they are generalizing and not implying that they are going to do all those things to us lol, but to that mysterious non-existent entity, love for whom they are sharing with us, seeing us as their lucky friends and listeners.

It must be some sort of a twisted psychology those people have, because analyzing their actions I came to a conclusion that the mysterious companion (who they say they want to cook for and be with) is actually a form of portraying themselves subconsciously and everything they say they want to do to that person is what they wish others did to them. Simply put they are trying to inflict some love and attention upon them and once they get some, they just move on until the next time when they are in a need of a new portion and you may or may not be the source they will try to approach.

She most likely will pull it back and forth all the time if you choose to be with her and if you want to be with her you have to learn to actually tell her what to do and constantly clarify situations. Like if you are planning a date, you will have to tell her to come and make sure she said yes, instead of giving her a choice and being fine with whatever she decides to do, her decisions may easily be influenced by the weather or any irrelevant sentiment, rather than a legitimate reason. Just think twice if that's the kind of person you would like to be with, I couldn't. In my case it eventually drove me nuts, because I was constantly confused. The reason I put up with that for so long was extreme chemistry we had ( we went far beyond just kissing of course lol ), but the peace of mind is far more precious to me, so never again.

Of course your case might be different and she could actually be a nice girl and you are too shy and she was getting bored of waiting for you to make the first move. I suggest you just call her and put it straight forward. Just tell her "listen, we went out a couple of times and I don't know if it's obvious to you, but I like you and expect something more than just friendship. If the feeling is mutual, let me know, because I feel like you keep me hanging on."
It's okay to be open about your feelings and it's okay if others don't feel the same way about you, at least they will let you know and you will start moving towards getting over it.

 

Yeah, too good as in 'man up' dude! She's looking for someone who is nice but who can take control! She said that to you. Be decisive! Call her up, don't ask her out to do the same thing, ask her on a real date!

Just sayin'

 

Thanks you are 100% correct.

I believe i shot myself in the foot, always being available for her when she texted or called, and i think i tried a bit too hard after the second date when things were getting shacky, another bad move.... me trying so hard put unneeded pressure on me to impress, which made me loose confidence to kiss her and worry of messing up...

I was thinking to logically when dating, in "normal life" Logic tells you that if it seems her interest is fading then you should try harder. But in the dating world it doesn't work. If she pulls back, you pull back further. Women will always wonder what you are doing and it shows that she can't play her games with you.

Maybe i some how "offended" her when i didnt kiss her on the third date, but on the other hand if you turn the tables, what happens if i wanted to hold hands with her on the second date and she refused, and i went missing like she did? Who knows and who cares...

My opinion is that she was seeing other people while we were dating, or met some one when she went out of town for the long weekend, and this person ticked all the box's. Perhaps i was the "rebound guy" for her after she broke up with her last bf, and was used to stroke her ego and build up her confidence untill she found some one better. Or, maybe i was the fallback guy to fall back on incase the other person she was seeing didnt work out with....
Last time i believe a girl who keeps telling me she is a "nice girl" and wants a "partner" to cook for them... or that she is going away with "old high school friends" hahahahaha

I think the valuable lesson here is that when you are dating, its ok to date other people and not get fixated on the one person. Its good to have options in case things dont work out. Im more old fashioned and never liked this idea, but i can see the positives of it now....

Anyway time to move on, mobile and all texts have been deleted. Im wondering if i will ever hear from this person again, hopefully not LOL

Im still kicking my self of all of the stupid mistakes i made while dating her, FVCK! LOL...... I feel like such a idiot

 

Cant send her a message, deleted her from mobile lol.....

With other girls i only liked them for their beauty, their personality sucked and they eventually annoyed me.

This chick had beauty, but a very nice personality as well. We got on EXTREMELY well and pretty much everything in common in terms of interests and goals. Maybe because clicked so well and things were going too well she got bored and wanted a challenge, who knows...

But yeah looks like i was wrong on the whole nice personality thing

 

So my question is, i know i made a mistake adding this chick on my facebook page after a few dates, but do you think it will be overkill to delete her from my "friends list" on facebook?

Im worried that if i leave her on, i might do something stupid like contact her and make a fool of myself, or if i delete her it will give her a small victory knowing that i am upset at her.

At the same time i want to show her that i dont care if she is with another guy and act cool, but to be honest if she was to post pictures of her new guy then i admit i might get a bit jealous

 

you should stop caring

 

Thats the thing, she says she is a "nice girl" and she just broke up with her ex (well about 4-6 months ago)..... maybe she wants to take things slow. And i still dont get or like the "3 date rule"...
if you had met a nice girl and you went on 5 dates but didn't kiss based on the fact that she was a slow mover, or had come from a bad relationship, would you panic?? everybody is different, if just because she expects a kiss on date 3 and doesnt get it, then if she is the sort of person to react to it, she is a waste of space, turn the tables around, if you were expecting to hold hands on a 2nd date, but didn't , would you panic and cancel her???? no you'd be expected to suck it up. so why should it be for you?

But as others as said, not kissing her on the third date was probably a big mistake i did, but if she gets upset over that and doesn't understand that maybe i was a bit nervous and shy, then maybe i dont need some one like that in my life.

Im kind of glad things didnt work out with this chick now

 

She sends me this text today:
"Hey (ny name), sorry ive been missing in action lately, i really enjoy chatting to you but have been busy with work.... hope to catch yp soon"
"



Ok, after 8 hours of thinking i responded to the girl. It may come across a bit hard, but i had to say it, i had to get it off my chest. Perhaps i will never hear from this girl again, but i feel like im not the only guily party here as her actions recently have been appauling in my opinion. Yes i know its only been 3 dates and i dont "own her", but it still doesnt give her the right to treat me like crap....

I sent this text to her, 8 hours after i texted her:

"In 8 days you couldn't find 1 minute 2 text me back? Why do you never return my calls? Why do did you leave me hanging friday and not at least get back to me that you couldn't make it? I deserve more respect then this, and it seems like you dont respect me"

3 hours later she sends me this:

"Im really sorry about that i just wasnt ready for anythin more than frienship n it seemed like it was heasing that way with the fancy dinners... that friday i was pumped but the royal wedding n forgot thyat i handnt msged you and got busy with work after... i respect you a lot and hope that u know thats true"


So basically i have been politely rejected and friend zoned i am so crushed....

Is there even a remote chance of me getting with this girl, she says " i just wasnt ready for anythin more than frienship" perhaps there is a crumb of hope? Perhaps she is sayin to me take it slow????

Thanks everyone...

 

No. No hope. A true winner knows when he's lost. She let you down easy; and by saying that, she rejected you in the easiest way possible for her. Don't let her weakness rub off on you.

Take what you've learned and use it next time. If you're going for a girl like her, you have to act more quickly; this isn't your highschool sweetheart, this isn't a respectable well-aged woman; the only thing most girls know these days is sex.

You can either play by their rules, look for a girl that doesn't know/follow the rules, or look for another type of woman all together.

 

how do i respond to her then????

 

1) Friendly - if you want to be friends
2) Scold - if you feel that you were strung along and want her to know it (debatable)
3) You don't have to, if you were just looking for that sweet spot; though that's not necessarily a gentlemanly option

 

Ok i waited a couple of hours after her last text as i wasnt sure what to say.....

I responded with this:

"Thats cool (girls name). I appreciate ur honesty.. i still respect you and want you to understand that i do do not have any bad feelings towards you. I honestly thought you wanted a 2 be more then friends when you told me you wanted to cook for me, that you wanted to go travelling with me and that your goal was 2 have a partner and companion. Are you trying to 2 tell me that you only want 2 be friends, or are you trying to take things slow with me? Either way i wont be offended, just want to know if we are on the same page."

I then feel really bad about the aggressive message i sent her and send this txt 15 minutes later (yeah i know stupid move):

"Sorry last text 4 2nite im sorry sending you that harsh txt (girls name), i was a fool 2 doubt you, you are a good person. I had no right 2 talk 2 you like that"

She then sends me this txt:

"Thanks 4 that (my name), i really appreciate that. I enjoy your company and im sorry if i led you to think i want a relationship so quickly. Lets hangout as friends 4 now and see how things go"


So thats it, perhaps a second chance, a new beginning??? Im thinking she is saying for me to slow down... hopefully...

What doubts i had of this person are now gone, she is a genuine person, thats why i like her

I just sent her this txt msg:
"Thank you (girls name), first understand you did nothing wrong, and im sorry i made this awkward 4 u. Lets start fresh, just hang out and have fun. Give me a buzz wen u want 2 catch up. Enjoy your day (girls name)."

Im actually feeling a bit better now, actually much better

 

I don't think she wants you to slow down, I think that she's too spineless to say she isn't interested, or is keeping her options open.

Either way man, have some goddamn respect for yourself.

I was rooting for you before, if you check page one and keeping an open mind towards her position.
But at this point, any second that you continue to think this could go further than friendship, you mights'well be in a collar licking her toes.

 

She just sent me this txt:
"Great idea (my name), thanks for being so understanding"

 

I will have to first find out more about this person, the more i know her and interact with her, the more i can find out her true motives. Time will reveal all

 

The way I see it, your first message was perfect and could've earned you some respect from her. Apologizing kinda hurts that though.

 

this. so much this.

 

It sounds like the friend zone to me. Date other girls whilst seeing her. Don't always be the one to intiate hanging out with her. Cool it on the compliments, she knows you think she's beautiful. She stated she likes tough guys but nice guys who treat her right. She's basically saying she likes agressive men who are forward in the physical sense but don't treat her like total garbage. Do this.

Also she probably is still fond of her ex. Don't always be the one to foot the bill for her, she'll take advantage of your kindness.

This is my interpretation and advice.

Worst case scenario you've got yourself a friend and wing-man. Friends who offer to cook for you and can discuss a broad range of subjects are keepers...... you could also play the friend card for awhile.. usually that takes the edge off of stressful sexual tension and results in incredible.. oh-my-god-we-shouldn't-be-fucking-we're-friends sex.

 

This is pathetic. You deserve what is going to happen to you.