Trying not to lose a friend

dmgreen, you are so right.

 

I'll find my way. I'm not mad at anyone (including myself). I just wish it was easier. Life itself isn't easy as it is and for fate to throw this at us on top of the normal riggers is like spitting on a guy after you hit him in the face and he's on the ground. Its just not right. The worse part right now is that I am in the military, once I get out and don't have to hide my feelings anymore, it will all be better. My life got so much better when I actually was able to tell my best friend my dark deep secret. I felt liberated. If that happens when telling one person, I can't wait until more people find out. I know they all will be totally shocked, because I am next to impossible to peg out as gay. Which, in a way makes it impossible for me to attract other gay guys. I mean I see the signs when looking at other people and can usually guess when someones gay, the only problem is that I am not into (for lack of a better word) flamming men. I have nothing against it, but if I wanted that I'd be with a woman. I'm only 22 and have plenty of time left to find what I am looking for. I almost hate that I met someone like Nate, he's too damn cute, funny, spontaneous and into the same things as me. I think I will just beat around the bush with him and see what happens. I'm not going to come out directly and say do you want a blowjob, but maybe a little flirting. If I sense resistance I'll leave it alone. I remember one time back when I was maybe 17. I became good friends with this guy Mike, another cutie. Blonde hair, blue eyes, nice body, really in touch with himself (not self-centered). One day he was introducing me to someone and he grabbed my hand and started to walk with me. After about 10-15 seconds I pulled my hand away and was like, dude what are you doing. He just kind of staired at me with this long face and then went about what he was doing. I am 100% gay and I pulled my hand away from a hottie that was holding it. What was I thinking. Geesh, I guess I'll figure this gay thing out soon enough.

 

I wish you the best Owen!!! and keep us posted!

 

I read part of your post and was reminded of what "Da Bruce" once said, "Never love anything that doesn't love you back!

 

Owen I'm not hitting on you or anything (okay, yes I am), but you and I are about the same age, and we're both fretting over lost love (or in your case, unattainable love), and also I've been in love with a friend, and trust me I know how much it sucks not to be able to say anything. I cried so much when I left this guy (I had to move, long story), but in the end I'm happy that I never said anything. Even now a year later I'm still gripped by this notion that he'll fall in love with me and we'll get back together, it's completely irrational I know, but that's just how it is.

 

well your army guys, get REALLY REALLY REALLY drunk, throw a party or something, lol, anyways the point of the story is get really really drunk...then tell him. if he is cool with it, try real hard not to forget you told him, and tell him again when sober.

 

Listen, I'm not gay, but....

...why not be open and honest with the dude?

He knows you're gay, he's not enough of a homophobe to avoid seeing you. Simply phrase it as "frankly, you are a good looking guy, and if you were interested, yes I would be too. If you aren't, I'm not gonna push myself on you or otherwise harass you that way, I'm merely being factual."

Ball will then be in his court.

Be honest with people. I mean, this is gonna screw your friendship up one way or the other. Don't get him drunk, don't brush up against him in a shower, don't try some weird contrived crap.

Simply tell him how it is. "You know I'm gay, you're cool with that. And in case you were wondering in the back of your mind, though I would never force myself on you or otherwise impose on the friendship between us by making that an issue between us, if you were ever interested, for what it's worth you're a good looking guy. What that means is this. Until told otherwise, I won't look at you as a potential partner, I won't try to cop a feel or stare at you when you aren't looking or other creepy behavior, I like and respect you."

That gets stuff totally open and in the air. It gives him an option to speak his own mind if he's interested, if he isn't, he can breathe easy you're not going to try and seduce him (and you aren't.... seriously. Don't.) And you're paying him a COMPLIMENT the entire time.

 

you never know, he could be gay too

 

I'm pretty much on the opposite side of the spectrum. My best friend recently came out to me as bi, and since then I've slowly started to realize that over the years I've had similar feelings about my sexuality, but I was always pushing them aside thinking it was wrong, and swearing to myself to steer clear of those kind of thoughts. My friend and I are very close and we've known eachother since forever, and when he told he was bi, although I never expected it, I accepted him for who he was. Never had it occured to me that I might be, so that was even more of a shock. I've come to terms with it now, but I haven't come out to anyone.. it's only been a few weeks since I've realized it and I don't think I'm quite ready just now.

*edit* ..posting this felt good, despite the anonymity involved. I haven't told anyone yet.

 

haha! Iv been in the EXACT situation! literally exact anyhooo, i told him alone and i was being pretty serious and stuff then i said not to worry if you think it's too weird, because i can control my emotions towards people having done so all my life. He just seemed a bit shocked and he said he was just flattered really =D good luck ...my friends been fine since!

Sam

 

I do that all the time, like if a guy kisses me or even touches me (drunken or not -_-) i back away or flinch and even though i want this person to do it to me its like a gut reaction, il hopefully get used to it, im still young(15)!