This makes me so mad..

Well that may or may not be the case, I don't know--I'm not denting that there are fathers out there who are controlling. But there are certainly mothers who are, as well. My ex-girlfriend's being a PERFECT example.

About your list, I find it very unlikely that he was so stupid as to say that she couldn't have a period. Moreover, there is absolutely NO WAY that he could watch her vote. Telling her to vote Rep is one thing, but he can't enforce it.

 

I agree, she is 15 and worried about a 14 year old. Also, I think you are much older and wiser than a teenager, so I think you need to refrain from rude and derogatory comments made about some one that this poster is actually sympathizing with .

You might not try to be manipulative, but a 15 year old can get manipulated quite easily.

 

yeah i feel like shit now so i'll just stay out of this thread too.god i wish i didn't even post it.

 

Haha, it sounds like Jiim's losing.

He made sure that she registered as a republican. If I'm not mistaken, she could of voted either way.

 

He did tell her she couldn't have a period.

And he watched her fill out her Voter Reg card and she voted Rep because he told her that if she didn't he would beat her.

I never said mothers can't be abusive.

 

Moonjava, please don't feel bad for posting this thread. Everyone here agrees with you, and empathizes with you, except one person. And he really HATES womyn, you could post anything, and if you are a girl or a womyn, he will rant and rave about how wrong you are. Ignore it. The other men and womyn on this thread agree your freind is in a horrible postion. She had NO control over who her mother married, yet she is effected by his abuse. He IS abusive, no doubt. I cannot even imagine my REAL father or the REAL father of my children getting involved in Feminine Hygiene decisions. This is just sick.

NO YOU DON'T. Unless you legally adopt the child, the child is still the biological father's responsibility. A step father had no obligation or rights when it comes to step children, unless there is an adoption or a contract. Course, you, jimman, without a vagina, a uterus, a wife, a real child or even a step child, you wouldn't know, wouldja????I think that is what is pissing you off more than anything else. One cannot define all of feminity, and all relationships based on the experience of ONE crappy exgirlfriend. Which is what we are seeing here, jim. Get MORE experience with womyn, and maybe your opinion will be better accepted.

 

You know, Maggie_Sugar, if you were to stand beside a pile of manure, I think it would be next to impossible to tell the difference: you're so full of shit, it's unbelievable. Never have I stated that I hate women. Never. Of course, you as a radical feminist, automatically equate any man who critiques feminist "theory" who expresses a concern for his own rights a "misogynist". That said, I find it interesting how you are so certain that the story is true, and that if it is based on fact to some degree that you would be willing to take it at face value because the poster and her friend happen to be GIRLS. Talk about sexism. The nature of the original poster's language is such that one has to wonder whether the whole situation has been totally distorted. Teenagers have a particular propensity for distorting the injustices that they encounter at the hands of their parents. As for the mother: if she married some guy she met over the Net, then SHE DESERVES WHAT SHE GETS. And when it comes to "feminine hygiene," it defies logic that someone like you who claims to loathe gender stereotypes can claim that a father "getting involved" in "feminine hygiene decisions" is "sick". A father has the right to be involved in all aspects of his child's development.

Save me the baloney. If the child is living under the step-father's roof, then he has rights and responsibilities toward that child, and that child has an obligation to respect his wishes. A family can't function any other way.

Now, as for this about my ex-girlfriend. This is exactly what I was expecting when I threw this out into the open. It really shows what meagre level of intellect you're working with, for you to make this kind of comment. Experience with women hardly comes from having girlfriends alone--it stems from day-to-day interactions with women, be they a mother, a grandmother, aunt, friends, coworker, etc. Seriously, if you think your dig at my supposed inexperience really bothers me, think again--it's just another indication of how you're totally out-of-touch.

And last but not least: Oh, so I don't have a vagina, a uterus,a wife blah blah--BIG DEAL! By your logic, since you don't have a penis, you shouldn't have the right to comment on all things pertaining to male behaviour and conduct. Oh, but that's different, isn't it??? Give me a break. You make yourself out to be a "modern woman" but your mindset is in fact extremely antiquated.

 

i'm gonna come clean and let everyone here know that i grew up in just that same household. i was never allowed a lock on my door, so people were always walking in when i was changing my clothes or on the toilet. i was never allowed on the phone for more than 10 minutes, and i'd hear every minute the countdown. i wasn't allowed outside after school. all my mail was read by my mother, and all my stuff searched by both my parents, and several times i'd caught my mother listening in on my phone calls. we didn't have internet then.


all this did was make me a sneaky, passive aggressive liar who moved 2 states away from her family and never calls. i have social anxiety, and permanent fear of people watching me or spying on me. my PARENTS never see me or her grand daughter AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY DESERVE. fucking psychos.

 

wow, KC, my deepest sympathy for your situation there. I think it is great, however, that you are able to recognize that this treatment was wrong, and break the cycle. Too many children that are raised this way turn around and raise their children this way as well.

Children are people too, they deserver trust, respect, and to be treated how you yourself want to be treated. I don't think that children get enough credit from adults.

 

well, one thing many parents have to learn is that as children get older, they require more personal space. treat them with respect and care, and start letting them make decisions for themselves. if you don't, they'll just sneak around you. that's what i did. having a home where children are able to be open and honest and are treated with respect creates children that are able to treat you with the same degree of courtesy, or at least, it betters the odds.

 

I grew up in a household where there was minimal privacy and no one talked about periods or anything to do with sexual development. My mother controlled how many sanitary towels I could have ( usually about five or six per period, I have horrible memories of doing dark things with lavatory paper to make them last out...) and I was not allowed to tell my sister who is five years younger than me that I was menstruating. When my sister aged about ten saw me on the way to the bathroom with a sanitary towel, my mother told her it was a dressing for a boil on my bottom.......... I am forty two, I hoped things had got better. Moonjava I am trying to think of things your friend can do to help her situation. I got a Saturday job and paid for my own sanitary products in the end. Could your friend ask her father to intervene here, or try and arrange to be at his house close to her period and ask him to give her money for tampons?

 

What an ass. He sounds like one of the idiots who think women get off on Tampons ("Devil's little cotton fingers")

 

Hey I can't blame him, the women in those Ads are always so happy... you have to wonder why sometime.

 

let's kill that myth. if inserted properly, you can't even feel the tampon. that's the point. and most times, if you can feel the tampon, it's down too low and rather uncomfortable.

 

The tampon/pad issue is obviously best left up to a mother and daughter...period (pun intended).

 

Sure , lets butcher it... but i was only kidding.

 

Im just going to say that if i had a dad like that i would run away..Girls can do whatever men do.i do whatever i want whether or not its good or bad.i learn from my misstakes and i grow as a person.i wish i could help your friend with her issue and if i where you i would stand up to her dad and tell her what you think.dont care about being rude or whatnot. women have periods.women curl there hair.women wear makeup.im not sure about what men do but no man should controll a woman and no woman should controll a man.thats just what i have to say. *hugs* best of luck to you and your friend

 

the bottom line is that BOTH parents should have a say in how their daughter is raised, and THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN ARGUE that the father understands "girl stuff" better than the mother. is this some christian, father is head of the household opinion? wtf!? ...and wtf am i doing in the women's issues forum? eww. j/k. peace

 

yeah its also not the 1500s

 

This made me laugh:
Originally Posted by jiimaan
Actually, yes he does have a right to decide. It's his house, his money that maintains the household, so it is his right.

Moreover, we only know the situation based on the ranting of a teen friend of the girl in question. How accurate is her portrayal of the situation.

This mom and her daughter could be real fruits, and the father an upstanding, concerned man. Perhaps he knows that tampons are a potential health risk, and is concerned about his daughter using them and being exposed to carcinogenic materials, but that his wife and daughter would rather disregard these concerns. Therefore, by locking the cabinet, he is in fact not being an "asshole" rather a responsible parent.



So because the man OWNS the house, and his money MAINTAINS the household, he somehow has authority over his wife and step-daughter? Does this mean, if the wife earns more than the husband and owns the house, she can also decide which personal care products he uses? Because, according to your argument that would also be her "right"? Give me a break this kind of attitude is right out of the dark ages.

Moonjavaseed, I really sympathise with your friend, it is totally unreasonable for her stepdad to treat her like that. He is obviously a control freak, and possibly mentally unhinged (if he believes that tampons and wearing makeup are "disgusting", this is quite a weird viewpoint considering most women and girls use them). I would advise your friend to try and help her mother stand up to this mans bullying as much as possible, unless he becomes physically abusive in which case, get the police onto him.