This feels pointless.

how often do you get drunk?

 

When i said this i didn't mean as if we gotta be a lawyer, doctor, be in college studying or whatever proving that we can be superior in a capitalist society.

I'm sayin just a direction that is something you want and what you believe will make you happy. It can be anything.

 

Try a better anti-depressant or different dosages. I swear by Cymbalta. Lotrimine is great for mood problems. Tranquilizers are addictive. I have some but rarely have to use them.

Yet, I understand your objection to meds. It does seem stronger and more rewarding to conquer these mental problems on your own. Being one to suffer at 17, and 27, and 34, and 41...I finally understood that I couldn't. What I've discovered is that my true personality can come out since I don't have the darkness anymore, similar to what you are describing.

 

Usually between 1-3 times during a typical week.....but a lot of times I just like to have a beer or two and not reach the point of being drunk.

 

I really just don't think I could bring myself to ever ingest another SSRI...I don't think anti-depressants help me. I mean the prozac felt like a chemical lobotomy so I am really uncomfortable with subjecting myself to that sort of thing again.

And if the drug itself didn't cause anything bad to happen my paranoia about it doing so could certainly induce weird placebo symptoms. I mean I might not be totally opposed to looking into other types of anti-depressants besides SSRIs but depending on what I learn with looking into it would determine if I'm willing to try it or not.

But yeah I cannot really afford to go to any psychiatrist or anything still working on finding what resources I can access being flat broke. so I have to wait on anything like that anyways.

But yeah at this point I don't even see myself conquering it......I just want to cope with it and main thing is at times i just don't know how much more I can take.

 

drinking is only going to make it worse in the long run, although i'm sure it helps take the edge off in the short term.

i've suffered from anxiety and depression for years now, and what has helped me most is honestly just forcing myself to exercise, eat well and to do my 'chores' (wash the dishes, do laundry, clean the house - all things that normally don't get done when i'm feeling shitty) even when i'm feeling awful. i made myself a daily checklist and forced myself to actually complete all of the things on it despite how hopeless and shitty i felt, despite wanting to just lie in bed instead. within a week or so i usually notice an improvement in my mood. now when i can feel a bout of depression coming on or i'm feeling more anxious than usual, i go back to making a list for myself and working through everything, and it seems to help hold it off usually (or at least lessen the severity when it does hit).

going to bed at the same time every night and waking up at the same time every morning really helps too, although it can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

i'd also suggest taking some vitamin B12 supplements for a little bit - probably won't do anything but they're cheap and worth a try.

 

Anti-depressants are definitely not the answer.

It might be worth trying to give all drugs a break for a while. Exercise and proper diet, look into meditation, maybe yoga even .. I never felt more clear minded than when I was doing lots of exercise and barely any drugs.

This sounds like it could really help you. Having a clearly defined purpose would definitely make you forget about the pointlessness of life for a while, and achievement will surely bring you some joy as well.

It doesn't have to be some grand purpose, just to set some goals for yourself to work towards. Something you want to do.

 

Yeah I think my mom gave me some of those, I just never remember to take them...but that's probably more laziness on my part then anything else.

 

I personally don't think there is a meaning to life, it's what YOU make of it that counts.

 

I actually did take a break from just about everything other then occasional alcohol and cigarettes before I enrolled in community college....I was looking for work and kinda desprate so I wanted to make sure I could pass a drug test...but my job search failed, the one place I got an interview at was a disaster and so I was like fuck it I'll give college another go thought maybe I could manage community college since regular 4 year colleges didn't work out. But I was also feeling worse and worse so I decided if I was going to try and go to college I might as well have some relief so I could concentrate. There was lots of excercise involved in the job search period since i don't drive and had to walk and take the bus places.

Of course I had to realise being on a college campus triggers my PTSD, hence the reason I was feeling worse and though the cannabis and alcohol reduces the severity of the symptoms it could not prevent the effects of triggering myself repetitively by going to the campus for class. So yeah for now my goal is kinda trying to figure out what to do...not much of one, but I do have some ideas. I just don't think not smoking and thus having no relief is one of them at this point.

 

Anxiety and PTSD are EMOTIONAL STATES, not diseases. They just want you to think they are a disease so they can sell you pills.

I dont think youre a worthless bum, or that you are mental either. I know I dont know you, but there has to be something that you like doing. there HAS to. You just need to find what it is you can do that wont make you lose your mind.

About debts... everyone has debts bro.

i reccomend having a look at this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Mind-Brain-Neuroplasticity-Mental/dp/0060988479"]Amazon.com: The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force (9780060988470): Jeffrey M. Schwartz, Sharon Begley: Books

you can buy it used for 2.59. what have you got to lose?

 

Yeah, we all know potheads are real go-getting overachievers

Keep making excuses for yourself, unless you change your patterns your results will be the same.

 

I don't think I need an excuse to smoke cannabis anyways, I know the reasons why I smoke it and what it does...I know the possible risks and it's not really interfering with my life it's not like I avoid other things to smoke weed. I smoke weed so I am better able to do the things I need to do otherwise I would avoid things more. I do plan to address my psychological issues however which is what's really interfering.

But whatever I shouldn't expect people in general to understand...not everyone will, which is just a fact of life. It's also a fact of life that guilt trips typically don't work on people. I am not going to stop smoking cannabis because someone tried to guilt trip me out of it. Besides would you want to constantly be in pain or have some relief? do you function better when you're dealing with nearly unbearable pain or when you have relief from such pain?

I'm glad exercise and a healthy diet works for you, but it does not work for everyone else.

 

PTSD and anxiety are not an emotional states they are anxiety disorders, and can be quite severe....both interfere with my ability to function severely. But don't worry that doesn't mean I'm going to accept whatever pill any doctor pushes on me...I mean I know your trying to help.......but the last thing I need to do is start denying this crap again by convincing myself I can just ignore it and it will go away.

As for what I like doing I like listening to music, I really have no issue with cleaning....I do like concerts, but yeah I don't really have an interest that I can really do anything with. I do like researching information which isn't a bad thing for college......but unfortunately being on a college campus triggers PTSD symptoms and anxiety. But besides that I don't even really know what I'd do with a degree even if I could get one.

And I suppose I can look at that book....though I don't have any way to get things off amazon but I can look it up or something.

Also I guess everyone has debts, it's just stressful having no way to pay them back.

 

No, I meant you are making excuses for why the advice people are offering wouldn't work for you.

Guilt trip? You think it makes any difference to me whether you are miserable or not?

Pain? If your pain is relieved by weed, then it's not fucking unbearable. I don't know real pain, and the more you post, the more I'm sure you don't either.

But whatever. You're not interested in making things different for yourself, you just want a pity party. Good luck with your shit.

 

Well I guess sort of...but I have tried some of the advice before and it hasn't helped, so I am just trying to explain that and I guess sort of figure it out myself why so much does not work...or whatever.

Also no I find it doubtful that it really has any effect on your life....any more than your opinions change my reality.

And yes pain, mental disorders like I have can cause a lot of it...not all pain is totally physical....though the PTSD and anxiety can have some physical symptoms. But anyways I don't see how the fact that cannabis gives me some relief from it indicates its not unbearable for me. If it was so mild why would I need anything for it?

Also the point of this was not to have a competition over who has more pain...but I am sure you are the authority on pain I'm not you, you're not me so don't assume what's true for you is true for me.

Also if trying to get help for my psychological issues like I said I was going to do...or trying to find ways of coping with the crap I can't overcome isn't trying to change things and is just me wanting a pity party I guess I don't know what trying to make things different would look like.

 

Try reading that again, I said I don't know real pain. But I know people who have been in real pain, emotional and physical, and smoking a J wouldn't have done much for them.

I guess not.
Just stick with your old patterns, I'm sure things will look up for you in no time.

 

Well you don't know me, and as I've said the same things don't work for everyone. Also if cannabis could not help peoples pain there would be no Medical Marijuana.

Also sticking with my old patterns would mean pushing myself past my limits, trying to suppress my problems just so I don't fucking disappoint everyone. I'm done with that.....If my best isn't good enough for people then that's their fucking problem...my goal is to quit beating myself up over it.

But even if I do change that pattern what makes you think things would look up?

 

The thing is we don't know that... Sometimes it is our old patterns that are keeping us stuck, sometimes it's not that at all. If somebody tells you it's this thing or that thing that you do or don't do is at fault, all you have to say is "prove it"... Surprise! They can't. They can come up with examples of other people with similar issues, but those people are not you. So it proves nothing.

It's something we have to solve for ourselves...

Not much help, am I.

 

Actually for whatever reason this was very helpful...so thanks man. I mean honestly I've been kinda relying too much on others to tell me what I should do...when really it's kinda up to me and I have to do what works for me...I mean I sort of have an idea what I should do but i get too stuck on what people might think of it. So I should probably say fuck em.