The Real Definition of a Slut

Today is just your turn to take the bullet for your whole peer group.

God only knows how many times I've been in business meetings where some egotistical old geezer started pontificating about what's wrong with the world, and what "everybody" needs to do to fix it. Usually, I know that the old fucker has never been outside of the United States; not even out of the South very much, so he knows absolutely nothing about what "everybody" is like, or what they should do. He only understands people like himself. And I've had to be polite to all those guys, when every cell in my body wanted to shout, "Shut the fuck up! You're an out of touch, backwards moron from the middle of nowhere!"

But if I can only be patient, it's only a matter of time until changing times leaves all those people in the dust. But it isn't easy. It's not my nature to be silent when something is on my mind.

Thank God for the internet! Here, on an anonymous forum, I can be honest about things I care deeply about without risking my financial and professional future.

HUMILITY is an important word to keep in mind all the time. That's a wonderful character trait that allows people to understand that they aren't qualified to tell everyone in the world what to do. Nobody is.

 

That’s an interesting perspective. I was going to ask what others thought about that. I believe that people can change/evolve over time. So it’s certainly viable that someone who was a slut early on, could reform and do a 180 to become the complete opposite. Though I also think it would be very difficult for a slut to let go of all their slutty ways. But then too, I imagine it gets harder to be a slut (in practice) as you age.

I was actually going to ask you (Karen) the question personally, as to whether you considered yourself a slut (past, present, or always and forever), but I didn’t want to put you on the spot :juggle:.

 

Slut is a funny word...in the not amusing way.

I personally think a slut is the woman who claims to be your friend and shags your old man behind your back, and would gladly do it in the room beside you if she could figure out a WAY...just a way...to do it. I've known some sluts...

I do NOT "excuse" the man in this...but the man is not what/who we are talking about. I would definitely "have" him share the responsibility, and having said that...it does not nullify the bitch shagging your old man, and what she is. She is still a slut. If you are my friend, I will NEVER, ever want to be with one of your exes and most certainly would Not Ever F**K your bf, husband or serious current thing...whomever you/my friend is with! I expect the same from a friend. period. ^ and of course, all of that is my judgement, my opinion. Like assholes, everyone is entitled to their own. :2thumbsup:

I've known other women - but not my personal friends - that did this very exact same thing to their own friends. I thought, and still think, those women are sluts...but I kept that opinion to myself. I didn't "spread" this. Staying away from them was always sufficient for me. Sometimes you have groups of sluts that sort of hang together and don't give a shit who shags who. That is their business.

Down south, you are taught that if you have sex before you are married, you are a slut. LOL...and of course that - or anything similar - is judgemental, stupid, and plain wrong on all levels. I personally never even paid attention to when a girl was called a "slut" when I was growing up, except for to find it interesting and want to know her, for information sake. I never passed on gossip, I was just so curious and naive. Now, after being grown and now being "mature" (lol), I know to heed nothing that is said around here...but to just observe.

Having sex with a number of partners when neither of you is committed or is in a relationship is nobody's business. period. You can whore around plenty and not be a slut. There are LOTS and PLENTY of single men/women to choose from.

 

I suppose some women change their views when they become parents. Probably, more of them just lose interest, or get so out of shape and ugly that they no longer have any options.

You'll never go into a sex club or swingers club and see a woman over the age of 70. The game has to end sometime, no matter how hard you try to maintain your appearance.

I feel that the label has more to do with opinions than practices. When I started cutting back, I did not develop the opinion that everyone else should do the same. My interest level has declined greatly, but I'm not one of those people who regrets anything I did in the past, or wishes that I could go back and do anything differently. I would never encourage a young girl to be a prude.

The couples swap I'm involved in now is a lot different from promiscuity, but in some ways, it might be the sluttiest and most perverted thing I've ever been involved in. I couldn't have handled it when I was younger.

It can go that way. Honestly, it depends for the most part on what the woman thinks of you, and how much she values your friendship. All my old friends have been extremely loyal and trustworthy, so far.

You find good and bad people of all ages, races, sexes, religions, lifestyles, etc.

On the other hand, she might honestly believe that she won't be doing anything harmful to you if she "borrows" your man for a little while, just for fun. Are you 100% sure?
:reddevil:

 

the reasons I would not want to be with a slut are practical ones. What motivates a slut to do what she does? a strong pleasure principle, a desire for excitement, risk taking, novelty, curiosity, drama, game playing, transgression of social taboos? A woman who was wired like that would never want to be with me. I hate drama, games, chaos. I like order and routine. l crave peace and quiet. I am primarily motivated by obligation, responsibility, selflessness. I like to stay home, I like to drink beer, watch sports, read books. This works with my wife because she likes to read, watch TV and cook. So it would never work for me or a woman like that. My 2nd girlfriend was like that to a degree and our relationship was a disaster.

 

You brought up an excellent point, Karen. Actually, if I'm not really "friends" with a woman and we are only acquaintences, I feel totally different if she gets with someone I'm seeing. I have had women just blatantly come on to someone I was out with - and I was not acting like I "approved" or liked that, or whatever...I'm sure you know what I mean. Still though, I didn't automatically think slut...I'd immediately thought "how rude"..."what the hell is the matter with you?"

But if someone is my friend, they know how I am. Seriously. They would know. That is one area where I am totally (and possibly brutally - lol) honest and upfront.

I was once friends with a woman that truly seemed incapable of wanting to date or sleep with a man unless I had seen/been with him first. However, each and every time she found another of my exes, she always "cleared" it with me...making sure I didn't care. The reason our "friendship" had a parting of the ways had nothing to do with a man.

There were 2 (and only 2) times that she was not given "clearance". Like I say, I don't ask anymore of someone else than I do myself.

...I don't consider a whole lot of women to be my friend, never have...and there isn't this long list of men to "keep away from". ha - in fact, at this point in time, (death takes a toll!) there is only 1 I'd ask a good friend to "leave that alone".

In years past though, the ones that "borrowed", knew exactly what they were doing, and how it would sit with me. :seeya:

 

Very true. Father time retires/defeats everyone at some point.

 

Who's going to be there for you then?

 

She had you screening her dates! She must have thought you had good taste! It's always nice to get a "scouting report" before the first date.

How much responsibility do we carry for looking out for other people's relationships anyway? If a man is ready to bolt at the slightest temptation, how long could that relationship last under the best conditions? I stopped losing sleep over such things a long time ago. A man is responsible for his own actions. My main goal in controversial situations became keeping myself out of catfights.

A lot of guys used to say, "I'm in an open relationship" or "I'm seeing someone, but it isn't exclusive." If we believe him and he's lying, is that our fault? Are we supposed to investigate and follow up with the wife or other girlfriend? It isn't our job to play police detective. A grown man needs to handle his own personal business and deal with whatever consequences there might be.

:rofl: I've already been called a prude by a hardcore BDSM person! I laughed, and wished that I had the comment on audio tape to play for some people who have had opposite things to say about me.

 

A slut doesn’t have to be “completely” moral free. But if you understand what society’s moral code is, then you’ll also understand that one has to go against “most” of those morals in order to be a slut.

I agree it can be both good and/or bad. But when people use it in a token congratulatory manner (as in the example you gave), it not only devalues the meaning of the original term, but changes it as well. So then slut in the positive sense gets applied to anyone and everyone under the new coined term, most of whom could never meet the standard parameters of old.

Look, I applaud people for using the term slut in a positive sense. My problem is with people who token out the term like a little chip to be throw at any girl that does a “good” or dirty sexual deed. All I’m saying is if you’re going to place the label on someone, they should at least have a sufficient history to warrant the claim.

I’d compare it to the hall of fame in sports. There’s never a set criteria for people to get inducted into the hall of fame. But the people in there were voted in because they had a proven history that warranted them being there. This is how I see it when talking about who is a slut and who is not. Do they really deserve to be in the class, or are we just throwing out free tokens to anyone who does a dirty deed for the night?

 

The word slut is just a definition created by culture to call women who simpley enjoy having sex, and it is often used in a negative sense becasue of fear based religion and other outdated cultural standards.

 

I wonder if Saga have thought about moving into this potentially viable commercial region. After all, the current 'Granny' generation is actually made up of those that gave birth to the Free Love doctrine of the 60s. Plus I have found that women, well into their 60s, continue to be extremely sexually active.

Age doesn't necessarily mean you lose your sexual desires. In the past it may have meant that making contacts in order to fulfill such desires could be somewhat limited, but now we have internet dating, open to all age groups.

 

That could put a new twist on the concept of being a slut! I've already read about a recent spike in STD's among the elderly.

I can't say that I'm looking forward to playing that game. Unless my husband is dead by then, I'll probably be content to be a bore.

I love the hall of fame analogy! :rofl: I wish!!!

 

If it's any consolation, I would gladly vote you in first ballot

 

That sounds very annoying that wannabes would employ the label slut to describe their tame behavior. Is that common nowadays?

 

Is there anyone else on this forum who believes in Monogamy? About not fucking casually ?

 

sure, i believe in monogamy. i also believe in fucking casually. both options are valid choices.

i've seen a lot more posts supporting monogamy than otherwise. but, if you're reading threads about casual sex in the Free Love forum, you're probably going to see a larger percentage of posters who are casual sex people.

 

Me Although I would say it's not really my belief, it's my reality. I don't think I could have casual sex with someone, and appreciate it too much, especially knowing what deep, connecting sex is like. I don't think casual sex is morally wrong, I think it's wrong from more of a, we could call it utilitarian point of view, ironically. People in this forum talk about sex like a sport and congratulate themselves subtly on the number of partners they have had, enjoying the power they feel this gives them, all the while bemoaning the power games of monogamy and how trapped they felt by only being with one person. They don't realize they've traded one self-imposed master for many. One true connection for hundreds of trite ones. One love for a thousand lusts.

But generally in this forum, you'll find people who are not compatible with what most people would call "normal" relationships. I'll get the shit flamed out of me for this post, but it is what it is. You'll notice nobody touched your "who will be there for you" post, and that's what it really comes down to. That doesn't mean people who are all about monogamous relationships always have someone there; far from it. Many of those relationships end because of bad communication, secret sluttery in some form or another, and general immaturity. But the people who have a good long term relationship have it the best IMO. Most of my friends are in this position. I am going down this road myself.

Yet I disagree with you lumping "kinky" and creative behavior with slutty behavior. Monogamous couples can be much, much kinkier than one night stands. There is simply oodles more time to experiment with someone you can open up with completely. To learn each others every desire and button. I feel I am a different kind of monogamous man than you are. While I hate drama and chaos as well, a little bit of it is healthy, and creativity with sex is as important as creativity with art, with food, etc. I could never just do missionary position

I'm VERY liberal when it comes to sexual acts (with one partner, haven't tried with more and may never), and I experiment with drugs as well, albeit in a fairly controlled and scientific manner. Combining the two is particularly rewarding

I think being promiscuous is fine and dandy until you're ready to grow up and try the relationship thing (maybe, in some cases, again). I feel bad for people who never grow out of the slut phase, or only do it out of necessity. Karen's story of her friend who married one of the 10-15 guys she was fucking randomly, sometimes 2 at a time, actually made me gawk a little. I feel pretty bad for the guy. Like, really bad. I feel like he got the worst of all possible worlds lol. For all I know they are a match made in heaven and couldn't be happier, but I couldn't imagine being with someone who had been . . . used . . . in those ways and then marrying them . . . and her ability to hide this fact from her social circle is lauded, lol. Lying to her kids about how many cocks mommy has had inside her just shows how awesome mommy is? Come on. There is some issues and denial going on here.

Like you FX my primary emotion felt at listening to these lifestyles is pity, not for social norms reasons, but for personal development reasons. Human growth is not nurtured from being slutty. It is stunted. I suppose that is my ultimate viewpoint at this time on this extremely complex matter.

 

I am asexual. I suppose that makes me monogamous with myself.

 

thanks so much for this thoughtful reply.

just to clarify, what a man and a wife do behind closed doors is fine by me. If the wife wants to fuck her husband with a strap on or the husband likes to blindfold his wife and chain her to the bed that is fine with me. When I referred to kinky I was mainly talking about hardcore BDSM, threesomes and swinging.

Karen J mentioned that she has no kids. no wonder her lifestyle is easy. When you and your spouse both work full time and have young kids every minute of every day is budgeted and any time that isn't usually ends up being chill time.

Can you imagine a mother saying to her husband:"honey, can you pick up Junior from Football practice, I want to go fuck my boyfriend, and if you or the kids get hungry, there's Hot Pockets in the freezer".