The Real Definition of a Slut

To me it sounds like the term "ethical slut" just means sexually selective girls who may or may not have confidence about themselves.

But I do think that the term is a misnomer, just get rid of the word slut it's history carries too much baggage to spend mass cultural effort/capital in trying to reverse it's meaning.

Now to take the side of the girls here, in return girls who are sexually selective shouldn't be labeled as sluts either, as comments like that usually come from scorned jealous guys who can't handle rejection.
(this applies even more to the middle and high schoolers as well as they are very immature and label and slander their peers a LOT)

 

I would like a female on this forum who is 40+ to convince me how they could be a slut in their 20's and then settle down, get married, be faithful to their husband and consider their sex life to be fulfilling and pleasurable and never be seriously tempted to cheat.

 

I can answer the question, but I won't convince you of anything.

You don't have to be 40 or even 30 to experience sexual burnout to some degree. In 10 years, a woman can easily get to the point where she feels like she's done it all, and has nothing left to prove to herself or anybody else. The curiosity is satisfied, you've already learned more about sexual practices and differences between individuals than you could possibly make use of in a lifetime, and you feel like you've already used up a lifetime's worth of luck. Then you're ready for something different.

I'm not sure a person is even ready to be married without regrets if they haven't reached that point.

And another thing, honesty plays a big role in the answer to your question. I want my husband to be honest with me, so I'm in no rush to convince him that he can't believe anything I say. When we decide to have some kind of nonstandard sexual adventure, we make that decision together. In my 20's, I didn't promise anybody anything. When I tell somebody I care about that I'm going to handle something a certain way, I do it.

 

That's the triumvirate of feminism: cockteasing, golddigging, and nagging. :biggrin:

 

I appreciate the thoughtful answer. Here's what I think; as long as a person has no STDs or isn't in the Criminal Justice system for a sex related offense and is not involved in an unhealthy relationship then, in a way, the past is the past.

However, say like I fell in love with a woman and told her I wanted to marry her and was not interested in any other partners and she said the same thing but then she told me she had a wild past and had had countless partners I would have 2 huge anxieties:

1. would she be satisfied with our sex life forever, knowing that she had so many different experiences in her past?
2. and would she ever cheat on me or ask to be able to sleep with other people or simply leave me because she missed something she once had but thought she could give up?

It's like dealing with a recovering alcoholic or addict or gambler. They may give every indication that they had changed but in the back of your mind you would always be wary of a relapse.

I guess I would really want to know what made her live one kind of life and why she wanted something completely different now.

me personally, I just don't think I could trust someone in that situation, probably because I always expect worst possible outcomes so I try to avoid putting myself in situations where I could be disappointed.

 

I'm not sure why any of this is on your mind, since you say you are happy with your wife.

Serious adult relationships are always complicated, and you have to deal with that person as an individual. At some point, you have to ask them introspective, probing questions about what makes them tick, and then you have to decide if they are a good match for you.

Your only point that I strongly disagree with is the comparison to addiction. Unless a person has had a true sexual addiction in the past, the parallel isn't valid. Promiscuity isn't a disorder. It's a choice. And people make different choices as they go through different stages of life.

 

It's this forum that makes me think of these things. Until I joined I hadn't thought about any of this stuff in years.

 

This is a narrow definition. I'm not sure I've ever known anyone who met that description, except for brief periods of time. Probably there are some trailer park girls around here who live that way all the time.

 

I agree that it’s a bit narrow. But try to think of it more in a sense of regard, as sluts have little regard. So a slut is not going to question whether a guy is single/available, she’s simply going to act in the moment and take the opportunity that’s presented to her. A girl with high moral and ethical values (regarding sex) could never be a slut.

 

Do you think the definition of a slut should be someone who puts their sexual appetites/opportunities above the feelings and respect of others, whether they be friends, relationship partners, and/or flings?

I just consider that jackass behavior, but I guess slut in this case would mean jackass within a sexual context, rather than just normal jackass behavior like starting or spreading false gossip, destroying property, and lying, to name a few).

 

yes.

YES!!!!!!!!

 

Sluts are needy and uncalculating and exploit themselves and try to leverage their sexuality as though it's the only thing they can offer.

 

None of the women I've had sex with have come close to being considered virgins - and, quite frankly, I prefer it that way - a fully experienced partner can greatly increase the sensations - and can always pick up a few tips along the way.

Just because a woman uses the fact that she has just as much right to have Casual Sex with whoever she wants as a man, does not, in my opinion, make her a slut. It can be difficult to define the borderline of Sexually Liberated Woman & that of a Slut, but it's something most of us are familiar with when we see it.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to the class of the sexual act itself. A Sexually Liberated Woman will usually insist on a certain level of comfort, whereas a Slut will be happy to open her legs behind a rubbish skip down a back alley, among all the other used condoms & needles.

 

Absolutely true that the definition of slut does not include women that like sex. Women can be very self serving when it comes to pleasuring their flesh and not be a slut. It's those that use sexuality to compete because somewhere in their mind, they want to win.

 

This kind of sentiment only provides fuel and ammunition to the christian right-wingers who think all sexually liberated people are toxic. Some conservative blogger could make use of your quotes in an argument favoring increased legal restrictions on sexual freedom. Some of your stuff would scare the shit out of church people.

Absolute and extreme definitions rarely match up well with reality. There are other, more common options besides having "high" morals or none at all. There are a thousand shades of gray in between that you are ignoring.

Consider two of my old friends who used to be roommates, having a conversation like this: "Are you getting serious with John Doe?" "No, we're just hooking up. If you want to fuck him, I don't care." That's a more realistic example of American sluts with some ethical values. They always respected their close friends' boundaries and feelings.

Eventually, one of them did get serious with a guy, and she still didn't care if he fucked her roommate now and then. But they did think it was important to talk it over, and make sure everybody was in agreement as to what the ground rules were for that situation. When dealing with strangers, both of them thought it was fine to lie, cheat, steal, or seduce a guy who was not single.

Were they sluts? Absolutely!

 

If I had to answer:

simply a girl who doesn't check herself when it comes to how much sex she's putting out. If a girl moderates herself, then she isn't a slut, even if she enjoys sex.

let's not pass STDs now, everyone... men AND women.

 

I’m not disagreeing with you. My argument is if your roommates weren’t sluts they would’ve never said (or had the mindset of) “if you want to fuck him, I don’t care.” Girls that aren’t sluts DO care and have higher morals and values regarding sex.

This is what I've been saying all along. 99% of the time a slut's not encroaching on her best friends territory. They are mostly dealing with strangers. And when you're in a bar full of strangers, a slut is not going to go from guy to guy asking if he's single. She'll fuck the guy who's wearing a wedding ring if given the opportunity.

 

I consider a slut as a chick who is essentially lazy and gets through life repeatedly trading for sex or the promise of sex. Somewhere to live, a little money, drinks, drugs, cigarettes, and you might just get to take a turn. Then she will randomly change partners and location when a better offer pops up. Often she won't actually put out, she just keeps the dude hanging around until she gets what she wants, and then one day she just disappears.

 

I think that is a totally different definition. I think a slut gets a rush or high from having no strings attached sex and from the somewhat risky nature of initiating sex with men she does not have a romantic relationship with, from her fantasy about what some people think about her behavior and about how men are manipulated by her sexual power.

what you are defining is a whore. a whore is someone who uses sex primarily to obtain other things, usually money but it could be social status or power or it could be as banal as a ride into town or enough drugs to get high just once.

of course there is the old joke:

Q: "What is a slut?"
A: "a woman who will sleep with anyone"

Q: "so what is a whore?"
A: "a woman who will sleep with anyone but you!"

 

fx: where I came from prostitution is legal, so there is no reason for a chick not to just formalize things and enter the trade. The sluts run around and trade it, but not always for cash. We have 'bush pigs' who will do anyone, at any time, for any reason, but they are rarer, as they figure out you might as well ask for something in exchange, and they transform into sluts.

I think we are having a cross cultural language collision.