The real 100+ sex partners thread

This I agree with. It's really what I've been trying to get across the entire time.

Actually, I said it's up to each individual how they wish to label themselves, and that includes girls who want to label themselves bisexual. Yes, I think it contributes to the negative imagine some people have of bisexuality; on the other hand, I also don't think I have the right to dictate to anyone how to label themselves. This is mainly because labels are just handy ways to categorize people. They mean different things to different people and always will. Just look at us quibbling over "slut". When you call someone a slut, and I call them a slut, we mean different things. Ask ten people, you get ten different answers. It's nebulous and often based on people's personal perceptions of sexuality.

If someone calls themself "queer" for example, you can't make any assumptions on their sexuality based solely on that label. You have to ask what it means. Another label that says nothing about sexuality is "transexual". You mentioned that in accordance with homosexuality, but many transexuals consider themselves to be straight.

You cannot assume you know anything about someone just because you know how they label themselves.The best way to determine someone's attitude toward sexuality is to ask specific, pointed questions. Only then can you get a sense of whether or not they'd be compatible with you.

Since you're kinky, you can compare this to when someone says "I'm kinky." You can't just then go, "Oh wow, me too, let's get it on!" You have to actually go through your kinks one by one to determine if there is any overlap.

Girls taking on the "bisexual" label might annoy me, but I'm not going to try and stop them. Rather, I simply explain my sexuality to anyone who cares to ask. You have to have that conversation regardless, since understanding your partner's overall attitude towards sexuality is just as important as finding out what exactly they like to do with their naughty bits. You have to be compatible on both levels, mental and physical, or it won't work.

And if a girl boasts to me that she is bisexual, but then only wants to make out with me and is grossed out when I suggest we going further, I think I've wasted my time, too. Which is why I don't go up to random girls in bars and make out with them anymore. I get to know them first and ask questions so that I can find out if we are compatible. That way, I'm never angry or disappointed.

Likewise, if a guy boasts to me how great he is in bed and that he likes sexually open women, I talk a bit with him and ask questions to find out what his overall attitude is as well as what he likes to do in bed. That way, when I sleep with him, I know he's going to care about pleasing me, will do the things that please me, and won't get all nasty afterwards. That way, I don't waste my time on him and end up getting pissed off when he takes five seconds to come and won't even go down on me.

Of the two of us, I'd say I'm getting a lot more satisfaction out of my encounters. If you are hooking up with girls and then getting pissed off at how they wasted your time, you might want to slow down a bit and suss out their attitude before trying to sleep with them. Less frustration and anger for you; and they won't go home thinking "Man, that guy was a fucking asshole. He was so damn pushy and wanted me to do things I don't do with nobody! How dare he presume?"

Not quite. What I take offense to is when people try to paste others with labels as they see fit, regardless of how the person feels about that label.

You know what? I find the word "prude" to also be problematic. That guy called me a prude because I lost interest in sleeping with him because he felt entitled to my pussy even when he didn't make any effort towards me.

I have friends you would definitely call prudish, but they are quite happy in their sex life, and IMHO, shouldn't be labeled as "prudish" or "boring" just because you happen to have wider and more varied sexual interests than they do.

As a polyamorus person, if I wanted I could look down on people in open relationships and call them prudish because they don't allow their partners to have outside romantic partners. You see how that works? Everyone is a prude to someone else. I bet there is someone out there who would call you a prude, too. You will probably say that you don't care what they think because you know who you are, and you don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone. Yes?

That's my same answer back to you.

And since you don't know Annie Sprinkle, Susie Bright, Tristian Taormino or Nina Heartly (really???) I am not surprised my brand of ethical sluthood is lost on you. And that's okay, because I don't need your approval.

I can explain more what "ethical sluthood" means to me and give you a more accurate idea of how I handle my sex life (your description was off) at a later time. I have to get to work.

 

Hey, a girl with jet black hair can walk around and try to label herself as a blond all she wants… it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

No, not really. There may be some slight discrepancies here and there, but overall I believe most people will agree on what the baseline standard definition of a slut is. :2thumbsup:

You know what I call people who deliberately, falsely label themselves? LIARS. In the real world you can’t just decide to label yourself as a slut, a good lay, a blond, or whatever else floats your boat, knowing damn well you’re not cause it’s only a matter of time before you get exposed for who you really are. It’s like a guy who just took his first jiu-jitsu lesson, never fought a single round yet, and wants to call himself an elite martial artist . I say bullshit!

I was simply giving an example to get my point across. It in no way reflects the overall satisfaction (or lack there of as you presume) of my sex life.

Let’s not get into a battle of political correctness. You know what I meant by boring prude. Stop taking things so literally and exact.

I didn’t say I didn’t know who they are. What I said was whoever you idolize is of no significance to me what so ever. :2thumbsup:

 

Hi again!

Before I answer your last post, I just want assure you that I am not trying dictate my view to anyone or change your mind. The reason I've been pressing my point a bit is because I don't think you are quite understanding what I am trying to express. That of course could be just because I'm not that good at expressing it, so let me try once again, and if we still aren't really getting each other it only means we disagree, and that's okay with me.

This sounds as if you think I am saying that people should be allowed to use any words they want to describe themselves, and no one has the right to disagree. But that's not quite it. What I was trying to express is that labels are just a handy way of categorizing ourselves, but aren't sufficient to explain explicitly enough who we are sexually.

The examples I gave were "queer" and "transexual." Those labels alone don't give you any information at all in regards to who they want to sleep with. Queer, for example, can mean "I sleep with men and women", but it's also used by people who just don't like the word "gay". Some women who are in exclusively homosexual relationships use the word "queer", for example.

I think the same idea can be applied to words like "slut" or "kinky". You actually have to ask the person questions in order to find out what exactly they are into. You can't just walk up to a kinkster and go, "Oh, you're kinky too? Then let's get it on!" You have to have a conversation first about what you are into and find out if those areas overlap.

That is the same as "slut".

You are right that most people generally agree that a slut is a promiscuous girl, that is, a girl who has a lot of sex with a lot of different partners. But if you ask ten people what number makes a girl a slut, you'll get ten different answers. Likewise, you'll find sluts all have differing preferences, rules, or standards. That doesn't mean they aren't sluts. It means they are all different KINDS of sluts.

Different kinds of kinks, different kinds of kinksters, but all of them are kinky. Does that make sense? As a person into kink, I thought maybe this analogy would help clarify.

This analogy would be accurate if it were a girl who had masturbated a lot, read a lot of books on sex, had a lot of orgasms herself, but had never had sex started calling herself a slut. An exaggeration of the extremes of our positions, wouldn't you say?

I'm really sorry, I worded that REALLY badly. As soon as I re-read it, I cringed! I never meant to insinuate your sex life wasn't satisfactory. Far from it! I am quite sure that you are very happy with it. Please accept my apology.

You just seemed quite frustrated by what you called "liars" and "fakers". What I wanted to say was that if you spent more time sussing out a girls attitude towards sex you'd be more successful at weeding out the ones who weren't what you wanted. That way, you wouldn't end up going after ones you thought were hot to trot but who actually turned out to be slow walkers.

Believe me- I know exactly what you are talking about. I used to have the same exact problem (especially with girls but it also happened with guys) and nothing pissed me off more than getting someone into a, shall we say, "compromising position" only to have them pull back suddenly.

That goes back to what I was saying about why you can't assume "Yeah, man, I'm a total slut!!" means the same thing to everyone, and that you have to ask questions to find out exactly what the label they've decided to take on means to them.

Just like I have to ask bisexual girls things like, "Have you ever had a romantic relationship with a girl?" and "Do you go down on women?" to make sure she's not just going to make out with me, get me hot and heavy, and then back off in horror when I attempt to go below the waist. LOL.

I'm not being "politically correct". I'm completely serious. A prude is not someone who simply has less experience than you do, or who doesn't like what you like. If that were the case, everyone would be able to call someone else a prude. I'm polyamorus, so I could call people in non-monogamous relationships "prude" just because they aren't able to handle letting their partners have other romantic partners. Or I could call my crazy swinging friends "prudes" because they aren't kinky.

A prude is someone who is completely closed minded to sex, is shocked or upset by sexuality, or who derides other people for the sexual choices they make. Rick Santorum, now THERE'S a prude! Those people with purity rings, up on their celibacy high horses, looking down at anyone who's *gasp!* fucking, they're PRUDES.

But just because (for example) a girl doesn't like facials, or someone is squeamish about blood play, or someone doesn't want to even experiment with non-monogamy or bisexuality? Nope. Not prudes.

Yeah, that's rather rude. I mean, I told you that so you'd understand better where I'm coming from. If you're really disinterested and would rather just pontificate, then we don't have to continue.

 

Look, I like you Blondgrrl, but your failure to comprehend rational concepts or recognize the hypocrisy of points present in your argument is really starting to try my patience. :banghead:

No, I understood your point… I just don’t agree with it.

Again, I strongly disagree. I believe it’s more than just a number that determines whether someone is a slut or not. You also have to factor in behavior and mentality towards sex… among other things.

I guess you’ve never heard a girl say something like, “I may sleep around a bit, but I’m not a slut.” That’s a strong implication towards many people’s definition of the term. But you don’t have to believe me, let’s ask the others and see what they think. http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=467449&f=283

Both analogies are accurate and both prove my point.

I didn’t take it personally. Apology accepted .

When someone labels themself as a slut, they’re essentially saying that they behave a certain way sexually and have a certain mentality towards sex. When someone labels themself as bisexual, they’re essentially saying that they’re sexually attracted to both sexes. As such, the person being engaged has every right to assume these things to be the case.

I don’t want to have to repeat myself, so please go back and re-read what I said about people “acting” the part.

I’m not here to argue about what a prude is or how the term should be used. It has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Let’s move on.

I wasn’t trying to be rude there. I’m simply stating a matter of fact. I’m not here to try and decipher where people are coming from based on the type of people they idolize in their life. If you want to make a point, then spell it out and explain it. But don’t get upset because I don’t want to read into the mentalities of your idols and attempt to make comparisons between their mentality and yours. I have much better things to do with my time.

 

a lot of posts to belabor a point.

A slut acts on her sexual impulses without regard to the socialconsequences of her actions. She fucks married men if she wants, she fucks total strangers, she fucks her best friend's boyfriend. She decides to start blowing a guy at a party and when other guys want to join she sucks them off too.

she may consider issues like, economic consequences (loss of job or apartment, etc.)fear of legal action or lack of condoms but if she can suck or fuck someone she has a desire to fuck and not get a disease or get arrested and maybe not get fired from her job or get kicked out of her apartment then she is good to go. She is not concerned with anyone's opinion (except maybe her parents) and does not care if someone sees her having sex.

My guess is sluts are extremely rare, except in the erotic imaginations of many males who fantasize about a woman getting in the elevator and blowing him without saying a word or being the plumber coming to fix the toilet and having a negligee clad vixen waiting at the door.

Never known a slut.

 

Ok. In an attempt to un-derail this thread and put the trolling posts behind us… here (finally) are my answers to the questions.


How many partners have you been with? Enough to qualify for this thread. To put a number on it I feel devalues the women I’ve been with.
Is it an estimate or did you keep track? Estimate.
If it is an estimate, when did you stop counting? Around number 8 or so.
Do you regret any of it? How many bad experiences did you have? No regrets at all. I’ve had a few bad experiences; the worst was being robbed. I’ve also had a few injuries from things getting a little too out of hand during sex, but as with any athlete in any sport… sometimes injuries happen.
Do you sometimes question your lifestyle? Not at all. I sometimes wonder what some of my family might think upon learning about the sexual life I live.
How have you met most of your partners? Through work and school.
What is your sexual orientation? Let’s just say I really, really, REALLY love girls .
How old are you? Late 20's.
Are you a swinger, cuckold/hotwifer, bull, john, sex worker etc.? Are you into bukkakes, group sex or gangbangs? Out of those options I’d classify myself as a sex worker. I’m down (or up for just about anything. But for me sex is best when it’s 1-on-1. It’s really hard to replicate the connection you get 1-on-1 in a group sex scenario.
Are you in a relationship? Of what kind? How did you meet your partner(s)? I'm single and proud! :2thumbsup:
If you don't have a partner, do you wish you could have one? Do you feel empty sometimes? No. I'm single by choice, not by circumstance.
Do you have children? None that I know of, and I don't want any.
Are you low, middle, or upper income? I’m doing quite well.
What are you politically? I have no political affiliation. But I’m extremely liberal (obviously).
What do you do to protect yourself against STDs and pregnancy? I use my good judgment and years of experience to help me steer clear of certain risks, and also get tested regularly.
Have you ever been at risk of violence from cruising for sex? Well, I’ve never encountered any actual violence. But I’ve been robbed and taken advantage of before.
What was the best sex you've ever had? Impossible question to answer. I’ve had a lot of great sex that could all classify as the best.
How was the worst sex you've ever had? Has to be the street hooker I picked up. That was a big mistake. 1st and last time I ever messed with a street walker.
Can you tell when you have sex with someone less experienced? Usually.
Do you prefer less experienced people or more? Depends. They both have their benefits. Even if a girl has no experience, as long as she’s open minded and willing to explore and “learn”, then it’s all good.
What do you look for in a partner? Sexually, I want someone without any inhibitions. Someone who’s willing to fuck in the middle of a busy street with everyone watching if that’s what I desired.
What kind of sex acts did you discover as you became more experienced? I guess different fetishes, exhibitionism… there’s not much I haven’t been exposed to.
How have you changed as a person since becoming sexually experienced? I don’t know that it’s changed me all that much as a person. In the bedroom it’s made me much more confident about my abilities. I compare it to being an expert driver, in that there’s no car that I can’t handle.:auto:
When did you realize you were different from most of your friends, family, and coworkers? Different how? Having more sex doesn’t make me different from others. I think as humans we all desire much of the same things, and I’d bet a lot of people (deep down inside) wish they had the courage and ability to live the type of sexual lifestyle that I do.
How important is sex to you in relation to other things in your life? It’s THE most important thing, asides from money.
Would you die if you had to be monogamous? I’m not really wired that way. When a girl becomes my gf (which is not an easy title to obtain I might add), monogamy gets defined in an emotional sense as opposed to a physical sense. So there are no restrictions on sex with other people, so long as it’s just sex and no feelings arise.
What`s your favorite sex act? I like them all.
Are you sexy as fuck? I’ll let everyone else answer that.

 

You don't think fucking a whole lot makes you different?

 

IDK, Different in what sense?

 

Different from the norm, deviant (deviating). A non-conformist to society's expectations of monogamy, marriage, and kids. A free spirit who marches to the beat of his own drum.

 

I'd like to chip into the conversation and say that there is no real norm right now, but instead we're in a state of flux which could last for the next several decades.

The norm is expected to be what we saw in say the 1950's with 'traditional households' but that's changing with lots of divorce, remarriage, couples staying as bf/gf all their lives with possible kids or not, happening right now in this generation.

 

Things really are crazy right now. As part of a backlash against unmarried couples living together, this state has made several legal changes in recent years to make that more difficult and impractical. A lot of it seems motivated by homophobia. Those state policies are the main reason I got married last year. Otherwise, I would have been content to just live with him for the rest of my life. We had combined our finances and property years ago.

I keep reading statistics about how many more women are not having any children, by choice, but I don't know where they are. I almost never meet any such person or see one on TV.

 

What do you think will result from this? What will the norm be several decades from now, in your opinion?

 

Karen J, are you married?

 

I may be completely oblivious, or perhaps it is because of the area where I live, but I am just not seeing this backlash you speak of.

 

I've been living with the same guy for several years. We made it legal last year.

You definitely live in a more liberal state than NC. We just had a total Republican takeover not too long ago; all branches of state government, for the first time in over 100 years.

 

That certainly may be the case. Minnesota tends to oscillate, in terms of state governance, between GOP and DFL every few years. That said, I am not so sure political party has much of anything to do with it.

 

I'd guess those girls are from the more liberal part of the USA.

And its not just NC, its the bible beltway states (mostly former Confederate states) who are responsible for this backlash.

I think Virginia is the state that's proposing and passing legislations for girls to force them to get transvaginal ultrasounds before they can get an abortion for any reason.

 

Assuming we don't hit another recession because of the negative fiscal consequences of the sequester and the later to be had debt ceiling debate which will be high drama and lower the nations credit rating AGAIN.

I expect an increase in live in boyfriend girlfriend households with kids or without kids, and the average age for first time parents will be age 29-35. The nation's birth rate will stifle.

Single parent households will also increase as will the rate of which people in their mid-twenties married or not will be forced to live with their in-laws or biological parents.

I predict this assuming there's no wildcard like WW3, N.Korea, or something that would cause a huge dent in population growth suddenly.

 

We're seeing a lot of that in Europe already.

 

Karen J, what's it like being married? Also do you have any kids?