The real 100+ sex partners thread

Again, I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong. I’m just saying that IMO (based on what you’ve posted) you’re not what I would consider to be extremely open when it comes to sexual partners. It’s nothing personal, I’m just making an observation. If some people disagree with me, then that’s fine too.

But think about it. It appears you’re saying that you would be fucking the same group of “regulars” that you trusted and had some sort of relationship with. In order for a guy to get into that group he had to be properly introduced by one of your friends, or go through a few meetings/dates to earn your approval. That’s just different from a lot of the more promiscuous girls that I know & have been around.

I’m actually curious as to how you worked such a system. You said you would keep some sex partners for years. But obviously you’d need to have a fair amount of turnover of your regulars to keep increasing your amount of sex partners. So I’m guessing you either had a huge pool of regulars that you would keep adding to constantly, or you would only keep a very select few long-term regulars and cycle out everyone else rather frequently.

 

Could you define, then, as to what you mean by "extremely open"? I might understand better if you're specific, because I can't see how anyone would define me as anything other than extremely sexually open.

This reminds me of an incident a few years ago. I went out with a guy I met online, and after that initial getting to know you meeting he said he'd call me when he got back from New Year holidays. After the holidays, I texted him a couple times, but he never called me again. About a year later, I suddenly got a text from him asking if I'd like to meet up for sex. I said, "If you were that interested, you would have pursued me when you had the chance. Thanks, but no thanks." My thinking was that he wasn't really that interested in me and just wanted a booty call, as if I'd happily offer up my pussy as a reward for his renewed attention. Yeah, not happening.

A few days later I found out from a friend of mine that she'd met up with him and fucked him. (The foreign community here is small, so it's not that surprising when you find out that "your ships have crossed in the night".) The hilarious thing is that he told her, "Yeah, I met that girl and she was a prude." *He knew my sexual history; he just decided for himself that a girl who doesn't fuck indiscriminately is a prude.

Funny that when a woman decides all for herself who she'll fuck, when, and why, by her own rules, it makes her a prude, huh?

I realise you aren't calling me a prude, but it's the same line of reasoning, isn't it- that you get to label people according to your personal standards instead of accepting their label for themselves.

A prude, I am not.
Sexually open, I am.

Sure, but that's your personal experience, isn't it. I've known all sorts of self-proclaimed sluts and their standards vary wildly. For example,

What do you think of couples who only "soft swap" (no penetration)?

What about girls who are totally wild and slutty when single and then become monogamous when in relationships?

I have a married girl friend who likes younger guys and sleeps with a different one every week, but she won't touch older guys. Is she not "sexually open" because she discriminates by age?

I'm curious of your definition, and I'm also curious as to why it's important to you to make this distinction. To me, if someone declares them self a Member of the Sacred Sluthood, they're in, no questions asked!

[/QUOTE]I’m guessing you either had a huge pool of regulars that you would keep adding to constantly, or you would only keep a very select few long-term regulars and cycle out everyone else rather frequently.[/QUOTE]

Yes, a pretty huge pool of regulars. I went to the same private sex party about once a month, and the members were all more or less regulars with a newbie joining in here and there. I also went to the same two sex clubs pretty much every weekend, and got to know all the regulars there, with again, a newbie here and there. LOL one of those clubs was called "Purity"...isn't that awesome?

I also met guys online. We'd have a coffee date, then if I thought he was a good guy, I'd make another date for sex. My ultimate aim was to find guys who could be regular partners, but alas...many of them just wanted to have sex once. I was okay with that, but sometimes disappointed especially when the sex was good.

And yes, I had regular sex friends, usually two or three, who I'd meet on a semi-regular basis.

And then I'd occasionally seduce a friend or acquaintance. My best friend, her husband and I had a semi-regular thing for a while. I seduced her first, then her husband joined in.

I probably averaged two to three brand new partners a month, but that could be more or less depending on whether I'd meet up with a couple or get invited to an orgy with the private party members where screened newbies were allowed to join.

Are you getting a better picture? I'm leaving out a fair bit about how I began this, but I think you can get a good idea of my experiences from this. I can write more on that later if you're interested.

 

This has been a good discussion and it has really helped clarify my views.

Consenting adults are going to do what they are going to do and no amount of shaming, pleading and rationalizing is going to change that.

my only remaining issue is that young women, girls really, end up engaging in all sorts of sexual practices and get involved in all sorts of unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships before they have any real chance to sort out their feelings or desires or even get in touch with their bodies. High school and college kids face incredible pressures to conform and no one, male or female wants to be known as a virgin even if they aren't emotionally ready for sex and too many girls engage in promiscuity because their sorority more or less demands it or sleep around because they came from abusive childhoods and the momentary adrenalin rush they get when they see the rapture on a boy's face who is orgasming inside their body is the only positive reinforcement they can find about themselves. as the father of a teen and a pre-teen I am terrified to think what my kids are going to go through in the next decade. When I see a 17, 18 or 19 year old female I don't see a woman, I see a child who needs protection from a predatory sexual environment and I get physically ill when I hear other middle aged men express desire for females of this age, especially since some of them actually have daughters that age. I remember a few years ago when Miley Cyrus was 16/17 and several men I knew made lewd comments about her and I called them out on it. She was a child for god's sake.

I think many people take for granted or are unaware the way our society has totally sexualized our young people. all the tv shows and movies and magazines all the focus on beauty; makeup, clothes, etc. you cannot even stand in the checkout line at the grocery store without see Cosmo offering tips on how to Seduce men.

Wouldn't it be nice if a young woman could sort out her feelings and decide when and where she wants to become sexually active and be armed with self confidence and knowledge so that she doesn't fall prey to the myriad of selfish, disgusting predators calling themselves men? I was a virgin until 21 despite having the opportunity to lose it as soon as I got to college because I thought it was important to have strong feelings for a person you had sex with. on at least 4 occasions I ended up in bed with a woman but stopped before coitus because I didn't like any of them well enough and I'm pretty sure 2 of them were virgins. I contrast that to my friend who jokes about how he once took a girl's virginity doggy styler because 'she was too ugly to look at'.

I guess I am wired very differently than most men. I believe in love and cry during romantic movies. my 2 favorite movies are Bollywood romances, Rab ne Bana di Jodi which I have posted clips of and a much more intense film; Veer Zaara which is a movie that brings me to sobs every time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSaVImLnnsw"]Veer-Zaara - Trailer with English Subtitles - YouTube

 

You say that like its a bad thing

That doesnt make any sense either. Sense of entitlement, that stupid fake ego thing usually means they are over compensating and are going to be crap at it anyway.

It does, but not in the way you mean. How they treat you comes before how hot they are or how skilled they are in the bedroom??? So its still what they can do for you, what you get from them rather than raw animal boom boom

So you have gone your whole life never experiencing that insta lust, meet a super got guy for the first time, circumstances allow for a bit of private time, crazy with the lust, you must have each other right then and there.

And you are making out like thats a good thing??? Instead you are holding out for what? to see how much money he'll spend, or so you can talk about what super exciting books you've read? Yawn

 

No- you assumed that I chose partners according to their looks, so I corrected you. That is all; I made no judgment - I don't think it's either a good or bad thing as it depends completely on how you roll. To each his/her own.

How does this not make sense? Do I really need to explain why an arrogant attitude and a sense of entitlement are a turnoff? I can explain if you like, but I have a feeling you know and are just pulling my chain to get a reaction. If I'm wrong, and you really would like clarification, then I'll be happy to oblige you.

And no- it doesn't necessarily mean they are compensating. The only thing you can tell from someone's attitude towards women and sex is how they feel about women and sex.

Yes- how someone treats me comes first before how hot or how skilled they are. It's not what "they can do for me" - it's "what can we do for each other".

As I have been explaining, after some experimentation, trial and error, I found out what works for me and what doesn't. I found that I vastly prefer to get to know someone before having sex, and I now only ever have sex with people who respect and like me as a person. Being thought of as a sex toy just turns me way off.

(Not that there is anything wrong with that- some people enjoy feeling like a sex toy, and more power to to them! I just personally don't roll that way.)

I could be wrong, but it seems you assume that one can't have "raw animal boom boom" with someone one both likes and respects as a person. Is this accurate? Do correct me if I'm wrong, but I've noticed a lot of people have that hangup. The idea seems to be that you can't have raw, dirty, ANIMAL sex with someone you love; that you can't experiment or live out your dirty fantasies with someone you love and respect because it somehow "dirties" them. I've found that men in particular have this trouble, as a lot of men put the woman they love up on a pedestal and have trouble taking her down long enough to give her a good fucking. I tend to think that piece of ridiculousness comes from the idea of "sex as sin" - that sex is inherently dirty and sinful, and to have sex with someone is to sully them. Thanks a lot, abstinence-only "education"!

Sure, I've done that. I've had all kinds of experiences. That is how I learned, how everyone learns. You have to experiment, find out what works, what doesn't work, what you like and what you don't. In short, you make your own rules. Once I learned that I am at my best with someone I actually know and have some connection with, it wasn't so difficult to control myself when tempted by a cutie with a hot body.

Okay, that's a lie. It's always difficult, but I manage it because doing the same thing again and again and expecting different outcomes is a sign of mental illnesses.

Wow- double whammy. Not only do we have the "You are a woman and therefore must be a gold digger" sexist stereotyping, we also have the "You are not enough of a slut" shaming here. And here I thought the other poster was exaggerating when he said that he felt the more experienced people were putting down those with less experience?

Not cool, dude, Just...not cool.

 

I think you’re taking this whole thing way out of context. My whole reasoning for commenting in the first place was because you, coming off as more of a relationship type of girl, were different from what I’m used to seeing (among promiscuous girls). I’m not meaning to be judgmental, so please don’t take it that way. I’m coming more from an angle of curiosity… trying to understand your mentality.

Honestly, because you need a relationship for the sex to happen, IMO it makes you less open than the girl who does not. That’s just my opinion. Just like I consider a girl who will swallow and do anal more sexually adventurous in the sack than one who won’t.

Can we get past the “you’re not slutty enough” bit already? I don’t know why you’re so offended that I don’t perceive you to be as slutty or as open as other girls. Do you always take observations or criticism this personally in life? If you want to be seen as the slut of all sluts in my book, then start fucking people on the first meeting again, and stop looking for relationships all the time. Then I will gladly bow down and crown you as the slut queen of Tokyo. :2thumbsup:

This is not a competition of who’s the sluttiest or who’s fucked the most people (and guess what, you’d lose that contest too ). I simply made an observation about your rather different mindset about promiscuity. I think you need to chill out and stop being so damn defensive. Go have another orgy to release some of that tension and then come back and respond later.

 

I'm the first to admit that I'm far from being your typical Adonis, but with every woman I've been with they've always been the one to initialise sexual activity because, to be honest, in real life I'm actually very shy & withdrawn, meaning I would never have the nerve to make the first move for fear of coming across as some sort of pervert.

Fortunately, women (especially those of more mature years) also have strong sex drives. However, even though this has obviously always been the case, until recently, it was always considered taboo for them to openly express such desires. These days we generally accept that a woman has just as much right to approach someone to participate in casual sex as a man does.

 

Thank you! I appreciate that you are trying to get to know me as a person rather assuming I am a stereotype of what a "slutty girl" is "supposed to" be. Keep asking questions!

That is why I asked you what your definition of "open" is. I find it interesting that you are of the mind that I am "not as open". All my life I have had people tell me how different I am, how much more open I am, how unusual I am, etc etc, that I am intrigued to find someone who doesn't think so! It's sort of refreshing, actually.

Just by the way, I hate anal (receiving) but love pegging. I'm dominant, but love having a guy come on my face. I'll pee on someone, but I won't shit on them. I am into CBT, spanking, slapping, and whipping, but not into shibari. Hmmm...how does one categorize that?

That was not in reply to you. It was in reply to Vanilla Gorilla, who said, "Instead you are holding out for what? to see how much money he'll spend, or so you can talk about what super exciting books you've read? Yawn"

Very clearly, he is of the mind that if you don't fuck indiscriminately, it means you are "holding out" for money ( a gold digger), or else you are into books which he presumably thinks means you are boring and unsexy. (I disagree)

What I said to him has nothing to do with my conversation with you, so ignore that and let's continue this interesting discussion.

LOL! Yes, if it is indeed within your power, do grant me the title of Slut Queen of Tokyo! I MUST have it, if you can tear it away from my friend J, who I think really IS the Slut Queen. But alas, I cannot compete with the gay boys, hahaha...

Seriously though, I am not concerned with WHAT you think of me; I am more interested in WHY you think it.

Dude, I'm most definitely not being defensive. I think you are reading that into my posts because I am questioning your observations- but I am not questioning them because I think you are wrong; I am questioning them to understand your point of view better because I find it interesting.

Really, no one has ever, in my LIFE, told me I am just an ordinary girl! I find it fascinating, and as I said, rather refreshing. I feel like I can be myself and be accepted at face value, which I really do value.

I HATE sycophants - yeah, tell me what you REALLY think, people!

This is one of the best conversations I've had online - non-judgmental, honest, and direct. Believe me, I like it.

 

But will you let someone pee on you?

Gotcha. Simple misunderstanding. Let us be friends :2thumbsup:

I’ve explained my point of view. What is it about you that you feel makes you so much more slutty than other girls?

What can I say? I do aim to please…

 

And just out of curiosity... how would you define fucking indiscriminately?

 

I can count on both hands how many sexual partners I have had during the thirty-three years of my life.

 

No, I'm not into that. I'm dominant, and all the people I've peed on have been subs and I am not at all into switching. I'm dominant, through and through!

Sure!

Well, I did ask you what your definition of "open" is. How is it that you decide these things, exactly? As I said, if someone tells me they want to be in the Total Slut Club, I don't ask them all sorts of questions to find out if they really are a slut by my definition. I simply say "Welcome!"

As for what makes me feel I am "so much more slutty" than other girls? Well, I don't compare myself with others. I am me, they are them, and I really don't think much about it. When reading other people posts on here, I'm just thinking, "Wow, that sounds like fun!" Or, "Hmmm...I'm not into that." As you said, it's not a competition, and it seems silly to me to rank people according to "how open" or even "how kinky" they are.

Yeah, some kinksters do that, too, as I said. They get up on this kinky high horse where they brag and show off how "out there" they are, and it seems to make them feel good about themselves to be able to look down on others as "less kinky" or "not really kinky".

Admittedly, I do that myself somewhat when it comes to other bisexual girls. I can't fucking STAND girls who make out in clubs with other girls for their boyfriends to watch, and I have to catch myself when I find myself thinking women who are only ever with other women in the context of a threesome aren't "really bisexual". I have to remind myself there is no "one way" to be bisexual, that I don't get to label anyone. It seems we all like to have our own niche, to feel special.

I guess I define myself as being "different" from most people because I'm bisexual, non-monogamous, polyamorus, and into kink. I'm definitely "out there" sexually, particularly if you compare me with either monogamous or vanilla people. Honestly and truthfully, I don't feel very comfortable around vanilla straight people. I'm always saying something that offends someone, and then I get dirty looks or else people talk behind my back. I have purposefully surrounded myself with only sex-positive, open-minded people because I cannot be bothered to censor myself when I talk. Switching pronouns when mentioning my ex's, for example. I've dated both men and women off and on, sometimes at that same time. Or having to correct people when they use words like "tranny" or "transvestite". I'm like, um...dude, it's "transperson" and "cross dresser", and yes, I know this because I have dated and am friends with them, blah blah blah, can we just change the subject now because I am not going to talk to an uptight vanilla straight person about what it is like to have sex with a transwoman. It's NOT A BIG DEAL. SHUT UP NOW.

LOL.

Out of curiosity, are you at all into kink?

 

I was making fun of Vanilla Gorilla with that comment. Certain types think that sluts fuck anyone, anytime, anywhere, without standards and without thought for who the person is or what they are about. It seemed to me that is what he must think, or else he wouldn't make the comment that being discriminatory in the way I am must mean I either want money or else am not "really" a slut, but am a book-reading nerd. (which clearly in his eyes is a putdown, which makes me think he probably doesn't have much respect for intelligence) It's the ol' "slut or prude" dichotomy.

Personally, I don't think there is any such thing as "fucking indiscriminately". Everyone has SOME kind of standard, and that includes women who have sex for money.

 

Yes, I thought I explained that. What exactly do you want to know?

Yeah, but I don’t think these things are always a catch-all, all or nothing, black or white sort of thing. You have to realize that a lot of girls like to “act” the part because it’s the cool thing to do. Just like the girls you mentioned that will make out with other girls in a bar in front of men, maybe engage in a MFF 3-some, but aren’t into girl/girl action.

There are shades of grey here. I wouldn’t place girls who show off a little bisexuality for the pleasure of men in the same category as girls who equally crave sex with both men and women.

But let’s put the serially monogamous, non-promiscuous girls aside. I’m curious how you see yourself in comparison to other promiscuous girls. Again, don’t take this as a "who’s the sluttiest" contest. I’m just curious whether you see any difference between your mindset/mentality and theirs?

I’m into F.R.E.A.K. (Fucking really extreme and amazingly kinky). But you and I would likely clash sexually. Case in point, you’d only be peeing on me if you were going to lick it up off me (and the floor) afterwards :devil:.

 

Well, it all depends on how one defines the term “slut.”

But there’s a difference between having standards and preferences vs. having rules. I personally don’t have any rules when it comes to sex or dating. If I feel it in the moment then I’ll go with it. I think when people set rules, it only serves to make them more closed minded and conservative because the rules restrict them.

 

Thank you so much for that, TheSamantha. You've made my day.

 

I'm just trying to pin you down to a more specific answer as to how you define "sexually open." For example, I asked what you thought of couples who only do "soft swapping", or girls who are totally slutty but only in between boyfriends, or people who are into BDSM but are not promiscuous. Are they sexually open?

I ask because I have a good friend who you would probably judge to be much more open than I am. She's done quite a bit of porn, movies as well as magazines, and she's done quite a bit of escort work. When she meets a guy, she automatically tries to seduce him. She loves to seduce pizza delivery men, for example, and she seduced the guy who hooked up her internet connection. She also had sex with a random guy in the parking garage of the airport because "she was bored" while waiting for a flight to arrive. It's like a fun game to her. She jokingly tries to top her number of new partners every month, as in "I had 12 guys this month, next month I'm going for 15!"

On the other hand, she would KILL any guy who cheated on her, and she's very closed-minded to both open relationships and polyamory. She thinks I'm nuts to be in a serious relationship with a married man. She also thinks BDSM is creepy, and in her words, "Ewww, gross, that's so perverted!" She also thinks I'm extremely weird for being into cross-dressers, and she wouldn't ever even consider any kind of relationship with a transsexual. She also refuses to do lesbian scenes that go past kissing or above the waist touching. In those particular areas, I'd say I'm a lot more sexually open than she is.

So the question becomes, is "sexually open" narrowly defined only by how indiscriminately you have sex? Or is it based on a wide set of factors so that we can call a wide variety of different people sexually open?

I don't care if girls only "act the part". If they want the slut label, let them have it. It's fine with me if it makes them feel special or cool. Personally, I think it's silly, but it's no skin off my nose, so why should I care if they want to hijack the label?

As for the girls who make out in bars to impress men, I do think that's problematic in some ways. Because it's become fashionable to be "bisexual", it's gotten people to think that female bisexuality only exists in relation to male sexuality, that girls are only ever doing it to attract men, and don't ever have real romantic feelings for each other. I've had some trouble in bars when out with a gf because guys would see us holding hands or talking intimately, and they'd come over and hit on us. Telling them we were a couple only made it WORSE, because then they'd say stupid shit like "I want to watch". Lesbian porn (which has NO relation to how actual lesbians make love) and those stupid showoff girls are partly to blame for the poor perception of bisexuality, and that's why it bothers me.

Of course we have different mentalities. I think the biggest difference is that they aren't very concerned with how men view them. They chose their partners based on looks and not on their attitudes towards women or sexuality. A good friend of mine told me she didn't care if guys thought she was a "whore" or just used her. She said that she was using them, too, so it was mutual. Some women also don't mind if their partner is married or in a relationship. They don't consider it anything to do with them if a guy is cheating on his partner. I find that attitude is fairly common among women who are less discriminating than I am.

I disagree with this mindset. I think it's damaging to all women in that it perpetuates sexual inequality and negative sexual mores. I'm a sex-positive feminist, so first and foremost what concerns me about my partners is that they are sex positive and do not look down on sexually autonomous women, or women in general. I think female sexual autonomy should be encouraged, respected, and appreciated by men, not degraded or derided. I don't want to have sex with men who look down on me, and I don't want to be even partially responsible for allowing the virgin/whore dichotomy to continue unchallenged.

Instead, I want to promote positive sexuality and ethical sluthood. That's why I am very open about my sexuality and will only ever date/sleep with people who are single or else in open relationships. I also make sure the guys I'm with actually respect me. The coffee dates are great for sussing that out. If I get even an inkling that a guy doesn't respect me, I won't take it any further and I'll walk out of a date if my boundaries are broken.

 

Personally, I define it in the sex-positive sense, that of positive female sexual autonomy.

I can agree there is a difference between standards, preferences, and rules. I'd say everyone has standards and preferences, but not everyone has clear-cut rules.

I'd say that as an ethical non-monogamist, I have certain rules. However, I'm neither closed-minded nor conservative.

If it means anything to you, my heroes are Annie Sprinkle, Susie Bright, Tristian Taormino, Midori, and Nina Heartly, among others.

 

Let’s put that definition in plain English so we can all understand it, as it’s the main crux of this whole discussion. I have a feeling that your definition and my definition are going to be quite different.

The fact that you have rules to begin with contradicts this.

No, that means nothing at all to me .

 

It’s both. For me there are various parts or aspects that determine ones sexual openness, but there is no specific definition of sexually open I can give you.

I would say your friend is more open than you when it comes to hooking up at random without many rules or boundaries, and you’re more open than her when it comes to various sexual acts and forms of sex. But if someone’s not gay or bi, you can’t really claim you’re more sexually open than they are, using the basis that you engage in homosexual and/or transsexual sex and they don’t.

And being involved in porn and/or escorting doesn’t automatically mean someone is very open sexually either. I’ve encountered porn girls and escorts who were rather conservative sexually.

You’re being contradictory again. You basically say you don’t care how people want to be perceived sexually, but then say you have a problem with the fake Bi girls because they’re faking it. You can’t have it both ways.

If a girl boasts that she’s a total slut to me, and I waste my time with her only to find out she’s anything but… not only has she wasted my time, but she’s done it under false pretense. I say if you haven’t earned the role, then you don’t deserve to lay claim to it. And thus I feel that frauds, fakes and phonies should be called out as such.

You say other girls don’t care if men use them or view them as sluts and whores, but you do. Yet you take offense if others don’t consider you to be a slut. Maybe you can clear this up cause it’s honestly not making much sense to me.

I don’t look down on girls for being promiscuous. In fact, I applaud the true sluts and whores out there. I’ll take a slut/whore any day over some boring prude.

IMO your concept of “ethical sluthood” is a crock. I want to know your definition of a slut. Cause your notion contradicts what a slut is all about in the first place. A true slut is not gonna say, “I want to fuck that guy so bad… but I need to find out if he has a gf, cause I don’t have sex with guys that are already taken. And he has to pass my test so I know he’s a good guy, cause I don’t want a jerk and I don’t want a 1-night stand.” Seriously, what real slut thinks like that?? None that I know. You keep claiming your a slut. You keep wanting to be viewed as a slut. But your actions don't warrant the claim. You're not a slut IMO. Sorry to disappoint, but you're just a girl with an active sex life who's had a healthy number of partners. And that by itself a slut does not make .