The Mitch Hedberg Joke Thread!

I was sad. After he died I ran out of new material to steal.

 

I drank some hot water. Cus' I want to whissstlllle.

 

He has one more album they released after he died. It's called "Do You Believe in Gosh?" Most of the material on it is new.

 

How did he die??

 

Speedball.

 

Explain what that is to an oldster. If you're serious.

 

Coke and Heroin is a speedball. He died from and overdose of the two. It was easier for him to OD because he had a heart problem since he was young.

 

Oh hell. Thanks

 

"My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said, 'Mitch, don’t use liquor as a crutch.' I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain’t like a crutch, it’s like a step I didn’t see."

"Here’s a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning."

"I ordered a chicken sandwich but I think the waitress misunderstood me because she said, 'How would you like your eggs?' So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said 'Incubated, and then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked and then cut up then put onto a grill then put onto a bun. Shit, it’s gonna take awhile. I don’t have time, scrambled!'"