The Journey to coming out as gay

Half, or possibly 3/4s of the journey is within ourselves. @Desiplayer, you are much younger and live within a generation that's more accepting, yet it took you some time to accept yourself as gay...
I started to come out in my 20s, but I struggled with lost dreams of a family of my own, of acceptance from family and friends, and I simply did not trust myself. I didn't have a solid support network of anyone I could talk to. I told my cousins whom I was close to, and they were OK, accepting of it - yet, when I struggled to accept myself they didn't challenge me or ask me why I would choose to reverse my coming out process.
I had a couple of bad outcomes of relationships and plenty of playing around back then - pre-AIDES days - and I found myself depressed and struggling. I finally told myself that I was also attracted to women so why would I put myself through the "disgrace" of coming out as gay. I met a woman and I was, in fact, attracted to her physically and romantically, and I told myself I could put the gay away and fulfill that dream of having kids and a life that seemed fulfilled.
I remember driving home from work to have lunch with my wife and new-born son - such a joyous time becoming a father, and going to check in on her and the baby... but simultaneously, I felt this sense of emptiness - and saying to myself "is this all there is?" I would put it aside as soon as I got home. But the feeling haunted me.
It took me years... I was a good husband and father and did all the things I thought were what husbands and fathers were to do to provide, protect, teach and nurture - and it was OK for a long time.
As our children were reaching adulthood, I felt lost, sad, confused... unfortunately, it was because I was denying myself and who I really am.
I still maintain that I did one hell of a job lying to myself, of convincing myself that I was happy, that I was fulfilled - that I was a good, loyal husband -
Through a few other setbacks in my personal life - a sudden employment change, some financial struggles, and a marriage that no longer included sex, I began to sink into a depression - and actually had a serious plan to end my life at my own hands.
Thankfully, I came to my senses and began the long, slow walk back from the edge.
It included counseling, both on my own and with my wife - and at the end of it, and after years of this horrible feeling of just existing, I realized I had to get honest.
Now, a lot of men desire sex with other men only as a sexual release or pleasure. You can read it here on many of the posts. Yeah, I enjoyed that, too. But the other side of this coin was that I never drifted from my wife for another woman... I considered myself quite the guy that never got into it with another woman... do you know why? It was because I was in pure denial that I wanted to experience love - relationship love - with a man. And my wandering eye found a lot more men attractive and the object of my times of self-pleasure than any woman I happened to see. I remember even sitting in church and watching the crotch of a visiting preacher as he paced the front of the church. Each time he stepped a certain way, I could see his bulge, and the outline of a nice-looking cock in his pants - and I thought - even in church, I am a pervert. It took me a long time to realize this was not perverted - but it was my true nature. Just as heterosexual men see a woman, other than their wives, and have a thought about her shape and curves... I look at a man that I find attractive and see him for what I would like to do with him as a straight man looks at a woman.
Admitting that to myself first and then having the courage to say it to others in a more socially acceptable manner took a lot of nerve and courage. Unfortunately, it is still difficult to feel thoroughly the same as everyone else in this world we live in. But it sure does feel a whole lot better than hiding it and pretending to be someone I am not.