The It's just wrong joke thread

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.

Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.

 

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a man hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said.

"No" he replied, "just having a shit''

 

What did Amy Winehouse have in common with Michael Jackson?



They both had a ten year old crack addiction

 

A middle aged man comes home one day to find his girlfriend packing her bags. The girlfriend says, "I'm leaving you because you're a pedophile!"

The man replies, "That's a pretty big word for a ten year old."

 

My mate told me a joke about reminiscing.

Ahh,that was a great joke.........

 

There was a kinky girl from Coleshill
Who tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

What do you call Michael Jackson in a pool with his friends?
Paedo's in Speedo's.

How do you get 50 Ethiopians in a telephone box?
Throw in a can of beans

How do you get them out again?
Run past with a tin opener

 

A poor old lady fell down on the ice yesterday. I guess she was poor. She only had $1.50 in her purse.

 

Had to pass this on from the daily show forum;
There was a fly flying six inches over the lake. There was a fish in the water thinking that fly drops down six inches, I'm gonna get me that fly. There's a bear watching the fish thinking to himself, when that fish jumps for the fly, I'm gonna grab me that fish and eat it. A hunters eating a sandwich, has got his eye on the bear, thinking I'm gonna shoot me that bear when it goes for the fish. Then there's a mouse, thinking I'm gonna get me the sandwich when the hunter drops it down to shoot em that bear. Then there's a cat thinking to himself, I'm gonna eat me that mouse when he goes for the sandwich.

The fly dropped down six inches. The fish jumped up and got em that fly. The bear reached out and grabbed that fish. The hunter dropped the sandwich, to shoot him a bear. The mouse went after the sandwich. The cat leaped to pounce on the mouse, missed the mouse and landed in the water.

So what is the moral of this story?

"When the fly drops down six inches the pussy gets wet"

 

How many jews can you fit in a vw bug...?
30.
4 in the seats and 26 in the ash tray.

 

How does the Ku Klux Klan go surfing?
They hang ten.

What's the difference between a Jewish woman and a Mexican woman?
Mexican women have real orgasms and fake diamonds.

Why did Miss Piggy gag?
She had a frog in her throat.

 

My girlfriend is just like a fine wine....







....I keep her in an unlit cellar.

 

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!

 

Well,that's the g/f gone. She left in a right mood.

I made the classic mistake of calling her by my ex's name at 'that moment'.


Apparently she hates being called John.....

 

What's a perfect name for a female Mexican midget?

Consuelo.

 

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?..


Wipe his ass.. :leaving:

 

I was thrusting away last night when suddenly she said "Pretend you're my dad".

Well,I got straight out of her and that room-just how sick can my little sister get!?!

 

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?

Everyone there has the same DNA.

 

Knock knock.. Whos there..





<RAPE>

 

------------------erased