Taking the initiative for sex

hell yeah!

 

I'm naturally passive too. I'm slightly submissive and it feels a bit awkward to initiate. If this is your natural position, and that suits him, there's no issue.

If, as in my case, you want to start initiating for your own sake, just do it. Just take what you want in the way you want to. Be confident in yourself. You're hot, he finds you hot, he likes it when you want sex.
There can be no failure. The key is to accept "rejection". If he's not in the mood, you can just stop and get the message without hard feelings. I know I've been guilty of brushing off advances (even if very rarely) so he has that right too. But I can almost guarantee that a large percentage of the time the advance will be most welcome, and fun will ensue.

Don't let one attempt that didn't end in sex stop you! I'm also sure I don't have to tell you that putting your hands in his pants isn't the only way, if you don't want to "risk" being so forward (although there is no risk, and it can certainly help!) Whisper in his ear, stroke his body all over, kiss him passionately, dress provocatively, tell him you're feeling horny, do whatever it is you guys do.

 

I don't think you should be at his disposal - that is unless you are submissive.

Try to ask yourself why exactly you don't take the initiative ... is it because you're afraid of doing something wrong or because you just don't want to?

If you're up for it and want to let him know there's nothing wrong with that ... but if you shove your hand down his pants and that doesn't get the message across there might also be something wrong with him. Maybe the old macho-ego thing ...

 

Fingermouse, the main reason is probably the fact that i don´t feel sexy and therefore seduction is not something i am good at or feel capable of. If i think about it, it shouldn´t matter whether i feel sexy or not. He obviously likes me and most likely sees things in me i don´t. Rejection is also an issue. Sometimes i think...What if he is not in the mood for sex? Will I be imposing myself? So i end up going the easy way. Let him decide when he wants sex. I even have fantasies that i would like to fulfill with him. I can´t expect him to take the initiative on that too. I have told him about a couple of things i would like to try but I haven´t made an effort to engage in them! I am considering doing it this weekend....if i feel courageous enough! ahah!

 

TheGhost, i may have not explained myself well as english is not my mother language. When I said i was at his full disposal i didn´t mean it in a submissive way. I meant that i like satisfying his fantasies and sexual preferences, i am an open minded person.
But I am a bit submissive, i admit. I like feeling he is in charge. As for my reasons, as i said to Fingermouse, i want to do it but i lack confidence, am affraid of messing up. Oh well, I know there´s no point in whining! The only solution is to gain courage and stop worrying too much, which seems to be my main problem. I will post an update if i manage to take the intiative this weekend.

 

No! If he doesn't want her to take the initiative, that's just his preference. I don't think there's much sense in trying to treat someone's sexual preferences as pathological.

Should it really be the case that every man should want a woman to take the initiative sexually? I think not. I think it is all too common for more traditional gender roles to be demonized by those who oppose them. Is it really the case that people without traditional gender roles are so much happier than people with them? I don't think so, and I think in many cases the opposite is true.

If he tries to trap the op in a relationship or otherwise abuses her, then it's a problem. If she is not happy, then it's also a problem, and she should probably leave him. but the op seems to like her bf the way he is.

I think that communication is important here. Just find out if he wants you to take the initiative.

 

I'm hearing loud and clear that you need to gain some self-confidence. I'm in the same position, working on it at the moment. Everything used to be about how I could best please him and trying to avoid displeasing him. Now, I try to think about myself equally. What do I want from him?
This thinking includes sharing and perhaps fulfilling some of your own fantasies. I don't know what kind of relationship you have, but if you talk freely about anything, just strike up a conversation about fantasies one day, and share. It'll feel like crossing over into forbidden territory, but it really isn't. It's just honesty. It's just having a voice. If he's not keen, at least you tried, and there's no harm done!

As for rejection, never think you are "Imposing". This is one of those pesky negative thoughts that only serves to put you down. When my partner initiates and I'm not in the mood, I've never once thought he was "imposing himself". I value him, and your partner values you. He is trying to share some love, and that's what you'll be doing. Really, it's an honour.

Work on feeling amazing in yourself.

 

My wife sometimes says that about me. Here is the thing (with us). I generally prefer to be a bottom (less agressive) and she really digs being a top. So, it is going to come down to a point that sometimes you have to switch. So, usually for me, after 4 years together, I pretty well am able to tell when I should start. Take the time to look at it. After a while, it will become very easy to adjust.

 

And those men deserve to rot :tongue: just kidding

 

you made a mistake in an earlier post, and I corrected it for you. no need to thank me, it's what I'm here for