Sucked an old bf's dick, should I tell my husband?

Don't hurt your brain thinking about it too hard.

 

So I said I wouldn't revisit this thread, guess I'm taking that back... I have to admit I've gotten quite worked up by this and before I make any further enemies I'd like to formally apologize to everyone whom I may have offended.

To Karen J. - I may have quoted you, but believe it or not my response was not really directed at you but rather at the OP's "support group" within this thread. Your post I just happened to read and it caught fire with me. So again I take back what I said and apologize

To the OP - I don't wish for you or anyone else to get hit by a bus, okay maybe child molesters I do. I do believe you made a larger than life mistake, but nothing worth dying for. So to you I also apologize far as that statement goes.

To everyone else and to further explain my frustrations with this thread:
I totally get we live in a world where in many ways there is no right & wrong and people and relationships who want to see other couples are totally free to do as they wish despite what I think. I typically try to live by the philosophy of live and let live and I realize this is a "support" and informational forum and overall who cares what I think right? I'm just some nuthead on the internet... But that doesn't really give me the right to lash out at others based off my strong beliefs.

I guess in the end I picture this thread as someone who broke a pure and sacred act of trust between her partner, one of the most sacred things I hold pretty dear personally (which is what got me all worked up in the first place). To me, love (true love that is), trust, honor, loyalty aren't just words to me and they go a lot deeper, especially when it comes to a lifelong commitment such as marriage where you're swearing an oath to god and your partner. She violated and broke this trust, and for what? To feel pretty, special for a night or relive the glory days? (okay not going any deeper here). I guess in the end what set me off the most is I just picture this thread as a woman surrounded by support group of people giving her virtual hugs and pats on the back saying "it will be okay" or "it's okay you just messed up" or "don't tell, just keep it to yourself" or "don't do it again" and that's where I really came to shreds and flew off the handle and called BS. Yes I'm the guy in the back saying "WTF, what about the husband???

Anyway I'm sure I've driven my point into the ground and I take full responsibility for offensive things I said above which I probably shouldn't have

Peace to all...

 

KingWilly... I actually think that was a very awesome response of yours. And thank you for using your brain and thinking when you posted and explaining things.

Anyways, I know what you mean... believe me, if it was a friend of mine talking to me BEFORE doing something I would be sure to try to get her to think about her husband and not do it (unless she would rather be with her ex, instead of her husband.. and tell her to figure that out)... but since this was someone that I don't know at all and what's done is already done... well, a simple question was asked on whether she should tell or not. I simply answered that. I think it can be, in many cases, MORE selfish to tell.. to go and hurt someone by telling them...that's just what I think. But I do want you to know that when I was typing my response (and I think some other people when they typed their responses too, based on the way I read them...), I was highlighting in my head the "don't do it again" part...that's why later on I went into the whole what being sorry actually means post... about how sorry means never doing something again on a permanent basis. Anyways, yea, I wasn't saying it was okay. Just that a way she could SHOW she is sorry is to not do the same thing again. I could have elaborated further that the only way to really do that is to figure out exactly what happened in the first place...was it just because she was maybe tipsy and around her ex that she never got over? Or are their problems in her marriage that need worked on? Or...what? And to figure those things out so she doesn't end up in the same situation again, but in any case, like I said, I don't know this person so...ehh...

 

I am glad KingWilly and everyone are making up, but you can relax now. The OP already moved on and has a new bf...
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showpost.php?p=7946017&postcount=107

 

lol

She posted these two threads 16 mins apart (this one first..not that it matters)- soooo, :troll: I think... or maybe she's calling her ex (from this thread) her bf in that thread. Hmmm. Idk. But someone smells not right.

 

I don't think anyone said "it's ok to cheat". I just don't see what is achieved by her hating herself or someone else calling her a whore.

She didn't act with malicious intentions, she just did something stupid and selfish and thoughtless. If some good would come out of this from her hating herself, then maybe it would be worthwhile. I don't see that though. Also, everyone's done something bad in their lives, so you need to think about that before you pass judgement.

The question is, given that she fucked up, what should she do now.

I guess I've always been in the "honest is the best policy" camp, but I think AT made a good point. Let's say she told her husband the truth. He goes into a rage, they get divorced, both their lives are hell, their kids lives are hell, and everyone is miserable for the rest of their lives. Then lets say she doesn't tell him, everything is fine, and everyone is happy. Seems like an awfully high price to pay for honesty.

That doesn't mean that honesty is never the best policy. As I said, the dishonesty could effect the relationship on a subtle level even if her husband never found out. I guess my perspective is that knowing the right thing to do is sometimes complicated.

The number one issue in my mind is to make sure that she doesn't pass on an STD to her husband.

Fortunately, we don't have to worry about that, since the OP is a troll. I think we have some of our most interesting discussions on troll threads though. :sunny:

 

Okay.

I totally think it is wrong to hurt the people you care about, and those who care about you. Once a mistake has been made and somebody is trying to fix it, that's when things can get very complicated. There isn't always a simple way to make it better, and there is room for different people to have different ideas about it.

I think it is always important for people to ask themselves, before taking action, what their true motivations are. Selfish motivations don't often lead to right actions.

The thing is, we don't really know what their relationship is like, and we never will.

:cheers2: eace:

 

It's mentioned the OP is a troll,,, hey do we have a troll list thread going on somewhere that if we suspect a troll we can look for their post name? Is that allowed?
I am kind of new to forum life so I had to ask.

 

totally wondered this myself. is this guy her bf or husband? she refers to him as either tho there is a huge difference and they typically are not interchangeable.

 

It's an intriguing idea, but it's also a very risky one.

You see, a lot of people will call someone a troll just because they find their posts inflammatory; or will assume a poster is a troll because they are unbelievably dumb, or even just plain unbelievable.

None of these things are decent proofs; but I wouldn't be surprised if they were more commonly the cause than any actual research into their posts (which is super easy, by the way)

I think just letting a mod know and waiting for them to take action is probably the safest way to handle them.

 

Ok, thanks for the reply Duck. What you said sounds reasonable

 

Here's a good rule of thumb: Never hurt someone else just to relieve yourself of guilt.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooWbSDsY4nE"]clerks - YouTube
... and this....

 

Wow... So I got all worked up over a troll? Figures and serves me right I guess, lol. Excuse me while I contemplate life as I dive off a cliff

Thanks all for the comment

 

That's what I said. :2thumbsup:

 

lol :sunny:

 

@Everybody who was in a tizzy over this topic.

That's what I've been saying guys, a good amount of disassociation between how you feel in regards to what is said here is a very healthy thing, since the verifiability of what is said here is unverifiable most of the time unless a lot of citations and proofs are given.

Therefore, cap the emotions and we should see less drama here, and things will be chill.

As long as advice from everybody is thoughtful, I don't think it should be offensive to anybody, but it should show critical thinking and analytical skills.

---
With regards on my opinion to what a troll is, a troll to me is someone (in real life or anywhere online) who says/does something to incite a reaction from others for the purpose of entertainment value on their part. Typically what is said/asked/done is controversial in nature and is disingenuous to the persons actual perspective/feelings/view on any said matter.

Some professional careers that use the art of trolling are (lawyers, politicians, or people who work in lines where their profession heavily involves image, perception, reaction and communication in a social network).

^Do you guys agree with my definition of a troll?

 

Yes, that's exactly what a troll or trolling is.

 

Yes I agree, something said to spark emotions only.

 

I came to this post late and see that it has been determined that the OP is a troll, but if it were true I would agree with everything that King Willy has said here 100%.