Sucked an old bf's dick, should I tell my husband?

there's problems with trust when there has been infidelity. often that trust can't be fully repaired.

lots of people are able to move on past infidelity though.

a lot depends on the personalities of the people involved, and the nature of the relationship

 

if you want to just unload yourself of guilt then I say don't tell him. you're just being selfish again.

 

It's probably best that I don't comment on this thread for now.
I'm done.

 

OP, you flat out cheated on your husband and that in my opinion makes you a pretty rotten POS. Yes you should tell him, even if it causes a separation. I have no idea what kind of a husband you have but the fact that you feel guilty and are wondering if you should tell him tells me you don't have an open ended relationship.

How would you feel if your husband cheated on you? How would you feel if he didn't tell you and you found out some other way?

If you have an honest good husband, he most certainly deserves to know and honestly he deserves better than you...


Edit - BTW I'm not trying to make you feel bad or rip you a new one, but the reality is this is totally on you, 100% your fault. It's not the alcohol's fault, not the flattery's fault, not the situation or stars being in alignments fault. IT'S ALL ON YOU. You put yourself into the situation, you chose to drink, you brought him back to your room, you sucked his dick! Nobody forced you to do any of it, you were an idiot who put yourself into this situation. I know you're getting sympathy from others saying "well everybody fucks up." Your husband deserves to know the truth, and you shouldn't make excuses as again this was all on you and your actions lead to the violation of your relationships trust

 

I certainly understand that. Light, non-verbal flirting seems to be enough for me to get a taste, though. And that still makes for some really awkward relationships with acquaintances when they meet my girlfriend. =/


Is everything good in your marriage?
(No one's asking the right questions here, they're too wrapped up in the sex =P)

 

Just once huh? Look at the op's post in the swallowing thread...

"Swallowing is just clean up. My bf loves cumming in my mouth, and I love it too, but once he's cum, he pretty much doesn't care what happens! I've swallowed an spit, whatever is convenient."

Can you say troll?

 

Ah, good spot.

I was suspicious; but she kept it fairly clean and stayed tight to the story throughout the thread.

 

I dunno, I would have to tell before it comes out another way.

I have wanted to have sex with others while involved just because there were needs,,, making sure I still had it or curiosity but I resisted because I know the guilt that would haunt me. It's not about the relationship failing but the wanting something different for just a day or wanting to know,,,
It's tempting and we all have it happen with a boss, an old friend or lover,,, I am sure, the power to say no is a great thing and if you use the fear of guilt you will carry it will be easier to avoid. I know looking into my man's eyes and telling him will be hard so it isn't gonna happen. OR, I hope it will never happen... It's in me to avoid while I am involved because I am involved for a reason. And no I am not immune to attraction of another either, it takes control and love for the one you're with.

 

In my opinion... no, don't tell him. Just don't do it again and eventually you won't feel as guilty. Usually when people tell on themselves like that it is to try to relief their own guilt... but that just takes what you're feeling and giving it to the other person by making them feel bad.
That's just my opinion. If you think your husband can handle it, yea, go ahead and tell him. Shrugs.


*oh just saw the posts on this page... if this is a troll, nevermind. don't know why I bother.. lol

 

:iagree: At this point, I would only tell him if he's the kind of guy who isn't going to think it's a huge deal.

 

Yep. In a perfect world...honesty and all that is great. And for some people and relationships that works fine.

But really what's done is done. If someone feels bad, don't repeat. Telling someone usually doesn't do a lot of good.

 

I guess it depends. The number one thing is not to pass on an std.

If she can just forget about it without it having any effect, maybe it is better not to say anything. For some people it's going to nag at them and negatively effect the relationship at a subtle level.

 

Don't tell him, don't do it again either.

 

Wow... I think that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life... I hope to god I don't know you somehow in real life.

I have to remind myself this is a site / forum of weirdo's (me included in some ways, but obviously not in this way). I'm going to never visit this thread again as it's just bad for me. Nuff said...

Hope you get hit by a bus OP...

 

You attack me for agreeing with AT, but say nothing to her?

Asshole.

 

The purpose for telling him would be? To make him trust you? To make him love you more? To make him forgive you? Maybe you don't care for your mate as much as you think. Look to yourself regarding the "it'll never happen again." If you think that's true, carry on and make sure it doesn't. Disloyalty is a hard one to forgive.

 

I see this is an honesty issue. I wouldn't want to continue a relationship with someone who could not be honest with me, especially about such a large event.

Relationships are a choice, and if you don't have all of the information then you are continuing the relationship on false pretenses. If your husband is the type of man who wouldn't be alright with this, then why not tell him? He might not want to be with someone who is unfaithful. And you are preventing him from making that choice.

Everyone has different views on what is acceptable in a relationship. He might be alright with your actions. But he might not. I personally have no issue with open relationships, but I do have an issue with dishonesty .

 

I would just ignore him. Look at his last sentence....what he said to the OP.
Yea, that makes a lot of sense....OP makes a mistake, so she should be hit by a bus. That's nice.

Anyways, it's like this guy (that responded to you), thinks that because we said "it may not be the best idea to tell but if you feel bad, just make sure you DON'T DO IT AGAIN", thinks that we think it's a great thing to be disloyal to your partner. I don't believe either one of us said that. I personally, don't think people should do things like that... of COURSE it's not good. But the best way to show you regret something is not to repeat the same action.
But I guess.....saying that means that we're cheering on the OP and telling her to do it again....

Yes, and that.
Typically I think the only reason people tell is to try to relief their guilt... which, as I said, just transfers some of the feeling bad to the other person-who had nothing to do with it.
That is just my opinion though.

Someone told me a looong time ago (not about this particular subject, but it applies to this as it applies to anything someone would possibly say "sorry" for)- that "sorry means you'll never do it again".... some people like to go around saying "sorry" a lot and other people sorry they are sorry by changing things permanently. I personally don't need to hear sorry for things people do to me... I need to see change in behavior.

 

And I respect that opinion too and totally understand that point of view as well. For some people and some relationships that is def right and def does have a morally noble aspect to it.

 

I'm now wondering if the guy she had sex with, is considering the same thing as her - maybe telling his partner (if he has one ?) that he got sexually involved with someone at a reunion ?