Spanking your kids

I also believe that there is a difference between "hitting" and spanking. Hitting on any part of the body is more along the lines of abuse. But spanking on the butt is perfectly acceptable. As long as it's not hard enough to leave any kind of mark, and your child isn't screaming and crying afterwards. My daughter hits me sometimes because she thinks she's playing. I would never spank her when she does this.. I just tell her noooo Jade.. don't hit! And she usually stops. Spanking after this situation would be hypocritical and just plain dumb. There is a time and a place for a little spank on the bottom, but NO HITTING.

 

I’m truly sorry if in any way you thought I was suggesting that you or anyone was not disciplining their children if they weren’t spanking them.

The definition of discipline is; training to ensure proper behavior. In reality there are many ways to do this, from a mere look all the way to spanking. As you must know having children, all children are not the same and not all children learn the same way. In the same way not all children can be corrected by the same type of discipline. I believe that it is up to the parents to decide what form of discipline works best for their children because in the end they are the ones who will be held accountable for the way their children way raised.

 

or a scared child who will learn how to lie as they get older. Happened to me and I went through a lot of tough times during my teen years. I'm lucky that I'm where I am at now. I lied constantly to my parents to avoid getting hit.

 

I'm truly sorry that you suffered as a child.

Can I ask you a few questions about it?

 

There are MANY ways to modify behaviors without raising your voice or hitting a child. Positive behavior supports is an awesome way to modify a child's behavior and it saves parents' time and nerves. PBS is an approach to behavior modification that brings the child into correcting the behaviors. There are negative and positive consequences. Token systems are an amazing example of a positive consequence. Response cost (taking away something VERY desirable) stops the child from doing things that are dangerous or annoying. An example of a response cost system is that the child starts out with 5 stars and 1 is taken away each time the inappropriate behavior occurs. When it is the end of the time frame (ex. 1 hour), then the child must wait. 1 star=1 minute. You must explain the behaviors (appropriate and inappropriate). I use these approaches everyday at work to modify challenging behaviors that children with autism have.

Hitting or yelling at a child will increase the behaviors. Hitting a child on the butt may stop it at that moment, but they will continue to do whatever it is that is inappropriate. Children must understand what they're are doing wrong and reward when they're doing right. Trust me, I know kids need to know who the adults are and listen to them, but there are soooo many POSITIVE ways to do this. Hitting a child is abuse no matter how you look at it. If a teacher spanked a child on the butt, then he/she would be prosecuted. What makes a parent any different. You don't "own" a child. Of course it is your child, but he/she is not a possession.

I hope I helped. <3

 

sure. go for it.

 

Okay, now that you've said it, prove it!

 

If these are too personal, please feel free to ignore this post.

Do you think if your parents had not hit you, that you would have never learned to lie?

Was it the punishment or your parents that you were afraid of?

Did you do a lot of things that you knew you would get hit for?

How is your relationship with your parents like now?

If they are dead what do you think your relationship with them would be if they were alive?

obviously we are on different sides of the fence on this subject and the answers will help me to know you better so I can answer but I may use some of them to try and make my point but I understand that this could be a touchy subject.

So once again feel free to ignore this post and will delete it if you wish.

 

Well spanking and hitting are two different things... I don't hit my child. She get's a spanking once in awhile, and in fact she got one tonight! But I'm done with you. It doesn't sound like you have any experience as a parent.. Just a caregiver/therapist as you say. So whatever. I'll wait until you have a child.

 

I don't need to be a parent to know what works. I listen to parents to see what works for their children and apply it to my work. I work with children ages from 3-10. I know that I don't know how it is to be a parent because I am not a parent for goodness sakes, but I like to help people when I can. Also, having a child doesn't make you a good parent (not saying that you are a bad parent), but I have seen people who have many kids and barely do anything with them. Don't discredit me just because I don't have children. I basically raise my nephew anyways. You don't need to physically have children to know what you're talking about.

 

No you don't need to have children to know, but it certainly helps. I agree though that many parent's are bad parent's. I have an amazing smart 2 year old daughter who shocks me everyday. She recognizes letters and numbers for what they are. She counts to 10, she can say most of the alphabet. She says every single word you say to her, and comes out with the most random stuff constantly. She's just incredible, and I definitely attribute that to the way I and my parent's treat her. I've also never talken to her in "baby talk." I think when parent's continue to do that as their children grow older it makes it more difficult for them to speak normal.

I will add though that being a parent adds a whole bunch of experience that you will never have in your career unless you become one. So I don't think anyone in your position could ever be an authority until they have done it themselves hands on 24 hours a day.

 

I think it really gives the wrong message to kids, like if you spank them for hitting someone then they will think "oh that means i can hit as long as the person is smaller then me" then they will start hitting their little sibilings and such when they are mad at them, iv'e seen it happen before.

 

If that's what the child thinks then you are doing it wrong.

 

Like I said before, if you are using spanking to enforce your "authority", you're doing it wrong and should not be doing it at all.

 

I do not agree. I got paddled for fighting with other other girls in elementary school and the result was I fought less. The first one I started and after a few sharp smacks across the rear with a hard board I didn't do that anymore.

The harder part is fighting back in self defense and knowing you will get punished regardless. You learn to settle differences without violence.

 

oh, come on.....spanking is not abuse, if you aren't crossing the line. I spank my kids only when the deserve it, and thats when they know that whatever it is that they are doing is not acceptable. Calling it a lazy way of punishing is ridiculous in my opinion.......I do not like to spank my kids, but when I do, they know the seriosness of what they did

 

I just realized that the OP actually said that it is sexual abuse......how disturbing!!! The last thing I am thinking of when I have to spank my kids is anything sexual, and it disgusts me that the OP obviously does, or knows someone who does.

 

I used to get spanked all the time due to my bad behavior. My dad would spank me and then tell me he loved me and did not like doing it. I 100% agree with spanking but do it out of love and not anger.