Spanking your kids

Coming from a family in which spanking and yelling was the primary method of "redirecting" our behavior, spanking as a form of punishment isn't so much "abusive" as flat out ineffective.

I think parents should be free to raise their children as they see fit, but as advise for parents, keep spankings to a smack on the butt to get their attention, don't hang physical pain over their head as punishment.

For me I spent my childhood thinking of the day I'd be too big to spank. Then I spent it thinking of when I could slap the bitch for doing her own stupid crap.

As a child I would have welcomed a slap on the hand - but fallowed by eye contact and a talk.

Talking to your kids is just more effective, they understand English better than being hit.

 

I don't really think spanking is necessary, but when I have kids I plan to smack their hands if they get into trouble. Playing with the stove, getting under the sink, etc etc. Anything that can be DANGEROUS they need to know is NOT ALLOWED. Smack on the hand followed by a talk about why the smack happened and what they did wrong. I'd never hit my kid hard enough to hurt them, mostly just to startle.

I think not punishing kids is causing a bunch of little hoodlums. Parents need to parent, I dont care how you do it, but do it.

 

That for sure, but I know I've seen some kids be flat out brats. I wouldn't tolerate that, when kids just scream at the top of their lungs to get their way. They deserve to be hit and talked to later when they're less than high and mighty.

 

I have a three year old - I have never spanked her ,or even smacked her hand.

I don't really think it is abuse(though it CAN escalate to that) - but I don't think it is effective . You teach by example and I don't know if I want my daughter to learn to use violence to solve problems.

My parents DID spank me..but they never did spank my baby sis,by the time they had her they had figured out what worked better.
you know, they never felt guilty for not hitting her.She is a good kid.And, while i turned out alright, there are moments i know THEY feel guilty for, and things they wish they coulda done different..
and now they have linked things like spanking to later discipline ,learning,and social problems in some kids.Younger sis was def more social than I was as a child.

Interestingly, as a parent observing freinds and aquantinces kids at parties and such- the poorest behaved children seem to be ones whose parents DO spank.

 

Exactly! Most kids are much smarter than we give them credit for, and they resent being hit. I know I did, and unfortunately my mother and I still don't have a good line of communication. I think the problem is more her's than mine though, which might have been why she spanked all her 3 kids.

 

well stated oysterhead i agree

 

I disagree with the op's idea that spanking is sexual abuse!!! This is nonsense... Maybe if you make them take their clothes off and hit them repeatedly below the waist!!

Anyway, I was always spanked growing up.. My sister and I both, and it was usually for fighting with eachother, being disrespectful to our mom, making a mess, etc. Just being regular 10 year olds. If she just did it herself it would of been fine. Instead she'd tell us to wait till our father came home, and he'd spank us really HARD. So the anticipation of that was kinda abusive. But it did get the point across.

I have a 2 year old daughter who is VERY smart and clever. She usually does bad things with a smile on her face, and she runs away from me making me chase her to stop her. She knows that she's doing something bad so I spank her on her butt. She doesn't even care that I do it. I usually say do you want me to spank you again, and she says yes. lol So it's basically just an attempt to stop her bad behavior in the midst of my frustration. And it doesn't hurt her, make her cry, or anything. It just makes her stop. She might pout for a minute and sit on her chair, but that's all.

She is a good girl for the most part, and I would never hit her anywhere else, but spank that diaper padded bottom when she's being bad, or in danger. What I think is more abusive than spanking is my dad yelling at her.. She doesn't understand it, and he's too severe and mean sounding. I HATE when parents yell at their children.. I think that can be more damaging. Unless you're in a dangerous situation where you need their attention NOW.

Spanking on the butt, not hard enough to leave a mark is totally fine.

 

i don't understand why you would take your frustration out on your child? You said that she doesn't care that you spank her so why do you continue to do it?

I just don't get it

 

I think that using the term child abuse in the context of parents merely disciplining their children is just wrong and is demeaning to all children that were actually abused as children!

Really how can you compare a swat on the butt to being beaten till your bones break or being starved till you have rickets or locked in a dog cage for hours and hours or having scars from cigarettes being put out on your flesh.

Come on let’s get some perspective on this matter and turn our attention to those that truly need our help, to those who are real victims of child abuse and stop minimizing their plight by saying some minor parental discipline is child abuse.

 

abuse is abuse no matter how big, no matter how small

 

I agree that abuse is abuse but please show me where merely spanking a child to discipline them has been shown to be abuse?

Thus I still say that those who compare mild physical discipline to real child abuse demean the victims of real child abuse and make the term meaningless.

Also I would say that allowing a child to grow up not realizing there are consequences to their actions is more abusive to the child than mild physical discipline ever will be!

 

Tell me what you exactly get out of spanking a child??

 

A disciplined child?

 

Maybe frustration was too strong a word for me.. I simply don't get frustrated with her... I am far too mellow and passive as a person. I just mean... When she's being her typical 2 year old self, and pouring the jar of honey all over the pantry, or running around with a fork, or climbing up on the kitchen table to play with the salt shaker! Or trying to flush her tmx elmo down the toilet. She knows EXACTLY what she's doing, and she knows it's bad. So yelling at her to stop is simply not going to get the point across. A little spank on the butt is a signal to her that she cannot be doing this any longer. It works. And it's not abuse!!!!

Parent's who don't disipline their children should be shot in the head.

 

Thank you!!! Finally some sense about this issue..

That's the problem with our children now.. They aren't disciplined anymore, and they do whatever pleases them. A little spanking here and there never hurt anyone.

 

And another tip- I command attention and respect from my child. When she isn't obeying me, and if I spank her I let her know I mean business. I look her straight in the eyes and tell her no. She understands that I'm not playing anymore, and she usually moves on to something else. I don't spank her often.. Maybe once a week, if that? She's only a toddler afterall. But when her life is in danger, or she is about to ruin something you have to interfere. And I'm sorry but just telling them in "english" is not going to fucking work!

 

i know that i will never do that when ill have kids...
my dad used to beat the fuck out of me in 3rd grade ....

 

There is a big difference between disciplining a child and as you say; beating the fuck out of them and that is something you rightly wouldn't want to do to a child.

 

A parent has to discipline their children, so where do you draw the line? No physical discipline? Then what do you use? Time outs? Couldn’t some say that’s mental abuse? What then? Do we let children run wild and just hope they don’t kill themselves playing in the street?

Don't get me wrong on this, I believe that there are some children on which physical discipline just doesn’t work and need other types of discipline but for some children a bit of physical discipline is all that will work.

Normaly, I feel that parents are the ones that should decide because they should know their children and what they need better than someone looking at it from the outside.

 

just because i don't spank my children does not mean that i don't discipline them. re-direction has always worked for us. i look them in the eyes and tell them "no, such and such is not okay" and then re-direct there attention else where.

i don't want them to hit me so i give them the same respect by not hitting them.


i have a nearly 2 year old and a 5 1/2 year old. so far, so good.