Social excuses

Both. :biggrin:

 

I've made them all my life. Unfortunately (or fortunately), you'll reach a critical mass and have all the solitude you want. I once told my wife I was thinking about dropping out of society. She says, "what else are you gonna do, move into a cave?."

 

i don't generally mind weddings. free food and free beer make the annoying parts easier to ignore.

 

If I don't want to go somewhere I plan something else I want to do then tell those interested that I'm doing that thing...or I say I'm not feeling good, which to me is not a lie, because I don't feel well enough to attend whatever they want me to attend.

 

This post has my approval.

OP, just keep in mind how much you'll bend or misrepersent the truth, and to who you'll do it. It's a dangerous habit that destroys the charactar of some people, but it can be done in a responsible way that is harmless or even highly beneficial, in many situations.

 

I have a dilemma over a wedding now. I jinxed myself.

I have to ponder this for a while.

This couple has a site to RSVP and also provide other information about them and they actually come right out and say in the registry section that they prefer cash instead of gifts!

 

My problem isn't going to social occassions it's being able to leave. If I don't stay for atleast 2-3 hours people find it offensive. Someone invited me to a BBQ the other day by text and I didn't feel like going so I just told him I didn't recieve it in time.

 

I'm pretty hung up on honesty as well to a sometimes unpractical level but I don't have this problem at all happily. My absence at family events is notorious though. If I don't wanna be there I don't feel like being brutally honest. The lame social excuse does the job but only when they ask.

 

I can always sense when someone is giving me a lame excuse. It's insulting and irritating. Why is "I don't feel like coming" or "no thanks, I'll pass" or "not this time" or something equally accountable such a bad thing?? It's much more respectful.

 

It is but when they ask for the reason why you pass should you say because I can't be bothered with your event or because I do not like you or I don't care about people that I only know because one of their parents is related to mine? I think I take the easy way in these cases.

 

I get what your'e saying but:

1-If it's an event that you don't enjoy, that is ok if they know that.
2- If you don't like them, why the hell are they inviting you????
3- If it is some kind of distant relation, they are only being polite and probably don't care if you're there anyway.

 

I guess you're right on point 1. I guess they are inviting me because I am family or because they like me (I don't make my dislike very obvious if I can help it, especially with peeps I only see at family related events anyway).
And I always think the same in the case of distant relations, hence why I don't bother to explain unless they make the effort of asking.

 

I have lied before to get out of social situations but I am typically not a good liar so I end up just avoiding answering. Which is frustrating for people, I'm sure.. I'm trying to change.

 

I agree that being obvious about dislike isn't necessary. Although, being phony during interactions is misleading and for someone like me that senses these things easily, I find it insulting. I have no problem making it very clear that I can be cordial, but that doesn't mean I want to be friends. That is the case just as much with family.

 

In my case I would think it's their problem if they'd find it insulting since it was not ment that way or in a derogatory way for that matter Perhaps I would feel insulted too but that would solely depend on the person and how lame the excuse is haha

 

Possibly a "problem" sure or just perceptive and very comfortable with dealing with reality and wishing very much the other person could get it. The thing is.... just admitting the truth and living within the realm of truth isn't rude. Shrouding the truth doesn't have a purpose. (again....no need to be aggressive about the truth).

 

That`s what I do...at first.

But, if you`re the kind of person that asks me why, then, after I say I have something else I wanna do, you ask me "what"; you get demoted to people I`ll feed hogwash to just to get away.

Although, ideally, I should answer: "It`s personal." Problem is, "It`s personal" won`t cut it for an event like a wedding.

So, I was planning to say I don`t feel comfortable at weddings, which is totally true. But, since I had said it before, and everyone in my family should know by now (but they don`t because they are not great at listening), and I hate repeating myself, I simply gave myself the right not to reply the invitation.

The 'invitation' was also put to me like a fait acompli. Like, "We`ll pick you up at..." Before I could say yay or nay. So, I just avoided the sons of bitches altogether.

 

It shouldn't be rude but unfortunately alot of people do experience it as so. This doesn't mean we should be living in a lie of course, I agree. It's just being pragmatic in situations like this I guess, the easy way out which also has become a sort of a custom (kind of like saying fine regardless how you feel when people ask how you are)

 

In fact, codependent people beg to be lied to with all their might. It takes a lot of energy from the independent party to keep being straight forward.

Same thing in affectionate relationships.

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The flipside of that is when people lie or don`t answer me, because it`s social custom among codependents, and I have never ever nagged anyone who turned down an invitation of mine.

I can and prefer to be said no to, than something passive-aggressive that`ll fuck up my schedule and disrespect my time.

 

Well yeah, if the social excuse comes too late that's a problem and I will tell them firmly (not aggressive)