So my b/f is a heroin addict...

oddly enuf every time i read this thread this song starts playing in my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObtJvpbsGXU

 

there's like a false dichotomy in this thread, either leave or stay and baby him. Another option would be to stay and not to baby him. You said before that there isn't anything you can directly do to help him, the only thing he says he wants is for you to be there. I know enough from some wicked comedowns off oxycontin that there isn't much your partner can do except to be there. It's lonely enough with those wd's that just having someone there can be a big healing factor, which is why they use group therapy so much in rehab. It's not so much the procedures done as it is the presence of others.

But I'd let him know that you have a breaking point, that he shouldn't take your presence for granted. Avoid feeling bad or frustrated, it'll add to his grief. Just be yourself and generate positive emotions; create distractions for him to get his mind off things. get him to eat healthy and exercise and take him outside frequently. the better you live your life next to his the faster he'll recover

 

It's why I said I wouldn't LEAVE someone for an illness but I wouldn't allow them to steal my stuff and take my money for "junk food" (aka drugs)... defiantly set limits. Fuck, I have been mad addicted to this n that and I would NOT expect anyone else to pay for it or diminish THEIR quality of life for MY addictions.

 

Well the most pragmatic thing to do is to leave now.

However, being in love isn't always pragmatic. If you're really in love with guy and want to stay, only do so if you're willing to realize that theres a chance he might not get better, and you may make it much harder on yourself by watching him kill himself.

If you do stay with him. Stop making excuses for him. You're enabling him. Tell him you love him and he has to make the choice between the drugs and his life. And that includes you. This isn't going to be easy on him.

 

this thread has me torn.... personally speaking, I don't think I could date a junky or even an ex-junky just because I'm not sure how supportive I am as a person.. I have one of those 'grow up and figure it out' attitudes which would probably lead to my boyfriend using drugs again...

however, some people just naturally have a nuturing/comforting quality about them. some people really enjoy helping other people with their problems and would love to watch someone become sober and grow as a person, etc..

my dad is a recovering alcoholic, and his girlfriend is great for him.... she's the sweeeeetest woman I know and seriously holds my dad's hand through everything.. if it wasn't for her I don't know if he would have been sober the past 8 years.....

I'm just saying, just because this guy is a drug user, doesn't mean he should be denied a relationship, when that could be the very thing that could help him out.

 

You got some serious wisdom points from me on this thread. Very good.

 

wow i didn't know so many people would respond to my thread! thank you guys so much for your advice. I think it will help.

as for our relationship, it's great. i really love and care about him. he has become my absolute best friend and i would be so crushed if anything happened to him. but that's kind of why im so scared to stay with him. if he relapsed i dont know how the hell i would handle it. it hurts so bad just thinking about it. and seeing him go thru withdrawel off the methadone is terribly painful. frankly this whole ordeal scared the living shit outta me.

i cant leave him though. i just cant. he's the best thing thats ever happened to me. every guy ive dated has either been abusive, or just a plain asshole. John (thats his name) is so good to me. He's kind to me and my family(my family does NOT know about his addiction). i kno he loves me and he knows how much going back to heroin would hurt me.

i really think he wants to change. he actually let me read his journal. most of what was written in there was from the later part of his addiction. i'll tell you right know that was probably the hardest thing i've ever had to read in my entire life. but it really seemed even then that he wanted to change and he hated what the drugs were doing to him. i'm so naive about that shit tho and i kno it. ive never done a hard drug in my life.

 

:grouphug:

 

Yaz your post made me feel all warm inside. :grouphug:

 

haha why is that?

 

Yaz is your name short for Yazmin?

 

I was wondering the same thing

 

actually Yaz is 2 things. one, its one of my fav bands. two, yea its short for Yazmin and i think it would be a pretty name for my daughter if and when i have one.

 

Well, I'll just pretend your name is Yazmin because your right, it's a great Muslim name.

 

okie dokie! haha i like it lots better than my real name anyway!

 

One of my cousin's name is Yazmin.

They are 4 sister, she's Yamelis twin sister and they have two younger sisters. Zamira and Yalma.
They are the only Yalma, Zamira and Yamelis I know, but I do know other Yazmins

 

What's your real name?

 

my real name is Kelsey. its Norweigan. means "dweller by the fjords" how lame is that?

 

well, it's interesting

 

haha thanks. well i guess im gonna go check out them fjords... see what the other vikings are up to...