So I finally called the cops

Why don't you ask the girl to file a restraining order against him or why don't you yourself. I think if he tried anything that violated the restraining order, at least he would have another bad thing to add to his rap sheet and then the judge might just get sick of looking at him and put him away for a longer amount of time.

I realize it must have been hard to call the cops, and hey who likes to deal with cops anyways but I am thankful you did what you did. She may not see it now but she will be thankful later too. It's real unfortunate when women stay in a situation for the wrong reasons.

Be glad you were brave! It definately took some courage and I think you did a good thing!

 

Jen,
You did the right thing. This is such a hard situation to be in, especially when it brings up memories of your own abusive father. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Like BlackGuard and others have said, deny it if he accuses you of calling on him.

Unfortunately, you can't file a restraining order on him unless he has touched you, or threatened you. Also you can't file one FOR the girl, she has to do that herself, and as you know, she probably won't.

The psychology of abuse is that abusers PICK vulnerable womyn, separate them from ANY support system and then do actually brainwash them to think they have no other recourse than to stay with them.

This is classic abusive behavior. HE doesn't want anyone to get to know them, HE probably also prevents her from having freinds, I would be willing to bet she has no one who comes to see her. He probably has "Buddies" probably other guys who think womyn need to be "kept in line" and who probaby beat their own womyn.

She is probaby depressed an emotionally dead and paralyzed. It may take years for her to leave or she may never. That is SO frustrating. but you have to understand that SHE thinks he is the ONLY one who will ever "love" her. She was probably abused as a child, or her mama was, so she thinks this is normal man behavior. There is not much you can do to help her think otherwise.

Keep your doors locked, and deny any involvment. As someone else said, if you tell her. SHE will probably go to him and tell him immediatley. See, this would raise her in his eyes, as anyone who opposes him is his "enemy" and abused womyn do a LOT of things to stay in the good graces of their abusers to ward off an other attack. Also a lot of these womyn beleieve,when thier man tells them so, that "This was the last time. I promise I will never hit you again." Then they go through a "Honeymoon Period" where he is really extra nice to her, and she BELEIVES he is done hurting her. Then, of course, the abuse starts again.

You were very brave and altruistic for calling the cops. I once called the cops for my neighbor (a teen at the time) beating his girl freind on the front lawn. His own mother and father did NOTHING. The girl took months after this public beating to finally leave him. We live in a close neighborhood, so he could have thought it was ANYONE. (Funny enough, this very young man has called the police on his OWN dad for hitting his mom. sigh. see the cycle perpetuates.)

Blessings for your good works, Jen. Stay safe.

Love and prayers for you and your family and this poor womyn