Should I make a move on straight friend?

Thanks again for the additional advice and input. Okay, so in general discussion with just us two he did say he had no problem with homosexuality or bisexuality and didn't care. So atleast I know he's okay with that. No mention made of myself though. What now?

 

sorry but the physical stuff is the only way to go from here. either grow some balls and do something about it, or just forget it and move on to guys who make the first move on you so you don't accidentally embarrass yourself in front of another human being.

 

Thanks meridian.

So I've had more moments where I was able to get close, give some body rubbing, kind of massaging, rubbing his arm and stomach and playful touching. I've had 2 other occassions while drinking where I brought up or mentioned me giving a HJ. He declined but he didn't seem surprised and he didn't give any strong no answers. We continue to hang all the time as usual with no mention of it too. This has me thinking and confused.

I want to take it even further physically like you said meridian, but I still want to gauge it out and be cautious to make sure he'd be interested. Sometimes I think I should just make a leap and go to the private area but I would like to get the 'okay' first. But it may be hard for him to say yes if he was interested since he probably thinks I'm just joking and messing with him..

Sooo frustrating lol. I'm thinking about atleast mentioning my interest to experiment, which I've kinda hinted towards. Is there a way I should frame that in a sentence if that's a good idea? I'm getting a sense that it's a matter of time before something happens as we're getting closer and we still hang out all the time, but I want to stop missing opportunities for it to happen (while drinking).

 

it's a tough one. on one hand, if you were completely serious when you offered him a handjob and didn't try to bury it as a joke, and he declined, that's not a good sign. this is exactly why i prefer direct physical action to verbal stuff. you offer someone a handjob and they think you're joking or just fucking with them and you get nowhere with it. and continuing to bring the same thing up will start looking like a real bad sense of humor or just plain creepy. however, you get drunk with a guy, you touch him the way it counts, he pulls away you'll know he's not interested you say sorry and no harm done; he doesn't pull away and you take it further. everything is loud and clear. with words, ironically, you get nowhere.

that is still my advice if you think he took your offer as a joke and if he's really on the shy side. however, make sure you're not seeing things you want to see here. maybe he was serious when he declined you. maybe you want him so bad you cling to every bit of hope there is. if you go the route of telling him about being interested in experimenting that might still get you nowhere. if he's shy knowing you want to get it on with guys will still not make him make the first move or indicate in any way if he's interested or not. he'll think about it this way: he wants to do guys, if he's interested in me he'll do something about it, since he doesn't he must not be interested. see what i'm talking about here? all the words in the world won't help. direct physical action is what does it. and, yes, for the good or the bad, sexual expression is a physical thing. you can't put it into words. you express it with your body.

how to proceed from here is up to you. again, make sure you're not seeing things you want to see and that aren't really there. it's easy to fall into a trap like that when you're really attracted to someone. all the best.

 

Ok yeah, I see your point. I mean is there any advice on how I can take it that physical and actually go to 'where it counts'?

The shyness is another thing I'm wondering about. I as I guess a teen used to have a friend who was flirtacious with me and just joked around in gay ways though I assumed he was straight as far as I know. Feeling shy and not wanting to misunderstand his intent or be embarrassed, I would just reject or ignore it. So it's so hard to tell if that's the case here; there are many possibilities like mentioned.

But yeah I do get your point of going physical. Do you think it would it be good to tell to him my interest in messing around with guys, particularly him, or just to jump into trying without talking to him about that?

 

I would also suggest that you take this advice.

If he has only ever indicated to you verbally that he is straight, then you must respect that. Of course, just because he says he's straight doesn't necessarily mean that he is. But even then, if he is bi or gay, it must be his decision as to if and/or when he comes out about it. Either way, if you respect your friend, you shouldn't push the issue with him.

 

Well, you are close friends from what I get. You could just be honest with him. Tell him the reason you've brought up the subject of sexuality is because lately you've discovered you would like to know what it's like being with a guy. And then you can ask him not to take it the wrong way but would he be interested in experimenting a little. That's simple honest and noninvasive truth. If you two are really good friends he shouldn't be offended or turn away from you because of this, and if he's not interested in doing anything he has the opportunity to just come out and say it and you'll get your peace of mind on the issue.

The other option is not talk about it, no words at all on the subject. Just one of those nights you're getting a bit more physical with him take it one step further. Like when you're sitting next to him put your hand on his thigh and SLOWLY slide it upwards towards his crotch but don't touch that yet (I am stressing the slow part here because if you rush this thing it will just come off as one buddy playfully joking around with the other detracting any sexual context from the gesture which you wanna avoid doing). And you have to look him in the eye while you're doing that to see if he's freaking out or not. If not keep gently rubbing his thigh like that for a couple more strokes and if he's good with that you can let your hand make contact with his groin. Alternatively you can ask him if he's okay before you touch him in any of his man parts. That might be a good thing to do in an ambiguous situation such as this. And before you touch his crotch, slide your body closer to his, maybe put your other hand around his back or shoulders. It will help clearing your intent. And keep eye contact with him until you're fully sure he's good with what is happening.

All this that I've just described is the simplest move you can think of, but it also leaves no room for question marks. Once your hand is on his thigh rubbing it there really is no other reason for you to be doing that other than sexual interest. You'll get a physical reaction from him immediately. If he pulls away you'll know what that means; if he doesn't react, just stays put he's probably good with what you're doing. You should be able to read it on his face if he likes it or not.

And remember if he turns you away, act like a gentleman. Don't run out of the room feeling embarrassed unable to face him. If it goes bad you gotta put the pieces back together. Apologize, tell him you got carried away and read him wrong. Say you completely understand and respect his stand on this, that it was wrong of you to do that. Say you fucked up, made a mistake, and above all say you don't want to ruin your friendship. Say sorry. It should be fine, mistake like this is a small one. But you gotta run every possible scenario through your head. You gotta be prepared and know how to make things right if it doesn't turn out so good for you.

I'm not telling you what to do. Whether to open up and talk to him about this, or go the physical approach, or not do anything at all is your choice and yours alone. I'm only giving you advice on theoretical circumstances.

Others here have told you not to bother, not to push the friendship. I say, if you really like him that much it is worth a shot. It always is. Later in the future, when you look back at this, even if it didn't work out, you'll be glad you at least tried. I've done it. I've pushed, and sometimes it worked out other times not so much. But I think of those times I was crushing on one guy or the other and made a move and I fucked up going that way, and i'm still glad I did it. I have no regrets. The only things i've come to sort of 'regret' are those guys I really really liked and never made a move on.

That is my opinion. You have to go the way you're comfortable with. I really wish you all the luck with this. I hope you won't get your heart broken.

 

That sounds like a plan, I gotta fan myself lol. I mean us hanging out still as normal after me "joking" with the sexual related stuff is a good thing I guess huh?

And I know some people in the thread say not to force someone to do what they don't want to do. But I think because of my interest to just see if it works out, I just think someone has to open the door...because he may or may not have interest but I can't know for sure because he will never come to me when "ready". I just know many people hate the label of bi/gay, even if that's what they are..there are so many possibilities and factors affecting wheter someone will be open to you about this upfront so this it's all impossible to know without actually knowing.

I really like your advice meridian!! You seem pretty spot on with this. You covered most things that are important to keep in mind I believe. I do believe it's worth it. I also think about what-if's from a while back. This is definitely a first for me because most other cases didn't seem quite right before. But finally this seems like it may be worth a shot. I'm trying to be very open-eyed and not see things that I don't to as you said; I definitely keep in mind that it's easy to twist thing to see how you would like to.

I really appreciate the advice again. Very helpful as this is something obviously I'm thinking a lot about before jumping into.

 

well i hope it helps some.

the joking around with the gay stuff and him still hanging out with you as usual probably just means as far as he's concerned it was all just that—joking.

This isn't really about pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. You don't know if he wants to or not. That's why you're asking advice. If it were clear what he wanted you would know which way to go on this without asking anybody. This is about opening up a door for him and seeing if he wants to pass through it or not. Once you've made yourself clear and he turns you down and you still push on after that, that would be pushing him to do something he doesn't want to. For now you can give it a shot, and whichever way it goes you have to respect his wishes after that.

 

Just go for it life is too short to waste time wondering just be like look bro I wanna suck ur dick I wanna milk that shit dry u down

 

dark suger, that's just how forward and direct to the point I wish I could be

We should be hanging out this week which brings up an opportunity to drink and make a try. I'm going to try my best. I really hope something happens..it stays on my mind and is driving me crazy..

meridian, do you have any real life examples with a straight friend that may be similar that you can detail some maybe? Your examples would be good to relate to my own since you seem you've been under similar situations with friends, and I'd like to play out a possible scenario in my own situation. And did you do so while not really violating their comfort zone as well? I guess I'm weery of that "awkward" moment, which I guess arises, atleast for a little bit, whether something happens or not. I guess from what you said eye contact may be the best guide through the possible awkardness that arises?

I think if I can prepare to deal with that, and know how to move past that hopefully, of course assuming he's open, then I should be good. I believe the feeling of something awkward, or something different, is reason he may kind of shy away, and why I may even pull away to avoid feeling or causing discomfort. Or should I just say screw that as a mental block and go for it more boldly?

 

He seems to be chill with talking about gay stuff.

Just tell him you're gay and want to fool around, and if he says no, you'll stay friends and never bring it up again.

 

Yeah that 'awkward' moment is something you'll just have to get through. It gets easier with experience to deal with that. But if it's your first time it's at the worst it can be. Just prepare yourself in advance for any awkwardness that might arise. You have to mentally push yourself through that, so keep a clear head, tell yourself that it's not the worst thing in the world (even if at the moment it feels like it is). You have to let it go a little and not feel like you're too much invested in the outcome (even if you are, act as if you weren't). The eye contact is essential in order to understand how your friend is reacting to the whole thing. Without it you're in the dark. Even if he isn't looking at you, you gotta look at his face to know what's going on.

If he looks like he feels uncomfortable, but doesn't flat out pull away from you, then just ask if he's okay. He knows what's going on by then and you showing concern over his wellbeing instead of just taking it as far as you can physically is a good thing. I know this because i've actually been on the other side of that equation. When I was still in high school I was with this guy and back then I was terrible at reading people and understanding sexual context unless it was spelled out for me. Me and this guy were talking and then, out of the blue, he got closer to me and started touching me. Nothing explicit, just slow caresses on nonsexual body parts. I pretty much panicked right then because I didn't see it coming and I wasn't sure what was going on (idiot). I'm sure I looked fucking scared on my face. But he kept his hands on me and asked if I was okay. Just a simple question like that. I was okay, in the back of my mind I knew I wanted it to happen, even if I looked like I didn't at the time. That question dissipated some of the tension and relaxed me a little and I let him know it was fine.
However, if he pulls away or pushes you away, it's probably not a good idea to keep at it after that. It might mean he really doesn't want this to happen, or it might mean he's confused – it doesn't matter. If he pulls away you gotta respect that and accept that it's not gonna happen, at least not then and there. There are exceptions to this, sometimes you can push on even at that point, but recognizing when that is the case requires excellent people reading skills, or just not caring if you leave the relationship in shatters. Which I don't think is the case with you.

As far as examples from my life go....yeah, i've been in a situation like this a couple of times. However I'm usually now able to tell beforehand whether a guy is interested in me or not. So it's been easier than what you're trying to do. It's gone pretty much along the lines I already advised you. There was this one guy I hung out with. I didn't know about his sexuality but we were kinda close and he didn't mind physical contact now and then. One night we were lying on the bed and my hand accidentally ended up on his thigh. I hadn't planned it at all. However there was something about him not immediately pulling away and how his muscles tensed under my hand that I left my hand there. And it followed completely naturally when I started to rub his thigh, first with my thumb, just tiny slow strokes, and when he still didn't pull away at that I went to rubbing his thigh with my whole hand. That's when I looked at him and saw his eyes all glazed over and I knew he wanted it as much as I did. A lot of it is in the body language. If you can pick up on those cues it's not so difficult, if not it'll be harder; and if it's a person who sends mixed signals that will make the situation trickier as well.

And the thing is you can't really make a sexual move on a guy and not violate their comfort zone at the same time. You have to violate that comfort zone per definition. That's what making a move on someone means. It's in whether they will be comfortable with the resulting intimacy or not that is the key point.

I hope this is useful some. You know your friend better than I do. Keep that in mind while you're trying to make a move on him – that he is a friend, not a sexual conquest. And try not to be (too) nervous. If you're wired up yourself you're much more likely to come off as artificial, something that tends not to go down so well in situations like these.

 

Thanks again for the additional advice and your own examples.

How many drinks or beers do you think is best to have to approach this? I know that may sound like a silly question. But I know some alcohol atleast is required. He may want to drink some, but if nothing much is going on and we're not going out he may not want to really drink.

I try to think of this as not a big deal and that's a great feeling to be cool and careless about it. Then I feel different at times that it is a big deal and I have to play it right.

This would be my first time trying to do something with someone that is a friend and that is as far as I know straight, yeah.

I think I see some signs that he may be interested which makes me interested in pursuing this. He may do stuff like put his leg up near me while I'm laying down, and stand behind me or over me in an interesting way at times. One time while sitting behind him close I heard him breathing really hard and fast. He moved seats not long after. I didn't know if that meant he was just nervous and uncomfortable or possibly excited. I know I've seen him look when I change at times, and if I look his direction he'll quickly turn away. He also will look at me moving when I'm exercising and when I'm doing a few things with my legs kinda open or spread, it seems he's usually in a good spot to see thought I can't see if he is looking or not. I may be reading this wrong or reading into it too much though, but I catch hints like this it seems. We also hold eye contact even when we're not saying anything at times.

It just seems lately I've been getting more hints that he may allow me to aleast. Also allowing me to grab his hand and just play around, stuff like that.

Your example of starting off by lying on the bed sounds like a good way. I think laying down getting comfortable may give me a chance to get us both a little horny atleast. I guess there should be some way I'm close to him so if I get more physicial it's not so sudden seeming?

 

Hints could be a good thing. Very often they are subtle and may seem ambiguous, but if those hints make you feel like he's interested on their own, without analyzing them first, it's likely closer to being real than you imagining things. There's a subtle difference to it there, but usually if you get the feeling he's interested before you start analyzing what one or the other thing meant, it should mean there is at least some interest there. If you get what i'm trying to say.

Alcohol. I'd say enough to get a comfortable buzz, but not enough to get you even halfway towards wasted. For all intents and purposes you should be more sober than drunk when you do this, so try to keep it somewhere in between.

If at times you feel this isn't a big deal that's great. Of course it is a bit of a big deal, and you'll always know it to some extent in the back of your mind. The thing is not to fret about it. Not to get yourself worked up so much that it'll start interfering with you acting natural. Like feeling there's something big going down any minute and unless you do the right thing at the right moment everything is ruined. You gotta get that outta your head. Remember the basic things you're trying to do, and leave the rest to fall into place on its own.

Yeah, lying on the bed, or sitting on a couch/floor watching a movie, anyplace where you two are already at an arm's reach of one another is a good place to be when you make your move. It tones down on the suddenness a bit too, yeah.

 

Well When I want a guy to fuck me I make myself seem well I let him know I'm fuckable. Beer won't work use vodka it's my bait of choice lol. Truth or dare usually does the trick. Ooo or act like ur soooo wasted and u want him to take u up to bed and when he's like getting u situated kiss him and he will probably be like Yo dude wtf and u say something like I'm sorry ur just always so good to me I wanna make u feel good he will say dude I'm not gay u say gay who's gay it's just us let me take care of u then u slide ur hand down his pants get it in ur hand and gently stroke and tenderly kiss his face. U gotta be better than any girl he's ever been with u gotta be better than any girl could ever be take him places they can't. When u kiss him u gotta make it good real good so much passion. Don't be afraid of doing or saying anything because once u say even a little bit it's out there so go for it and go hard

 

Thanks so much for the assistance and especially the support. It's really helpful to feel like I have someone who can relate to my situation
This really helps a lot to me trying something new and hopefully finally having it go my way.

That sounds hot too dark suger. I think you're right about the alcohol on top of beer. I don't know how kissing will be received though. Body kissing does seem very comforting and would feel nice to him though I'm sure. I'm wondering if any type of kissing may seem to intimate for him though.

 

If you're not sure about kissing to start with, then going in for a hug and gently pressing your crotch into his could work. Its as obvious as kissing but also more subtle.

 

no problem at all. good luck to you.

and i'd kiss him.

 

Honestly I would wait for him to come to you, you have to meet halfway on this - if your drunk he could freak out after and you lose your best mate, not the best plan in the world. The oldest trick in the book maybe not the cleverest !

Perhaps you could chat about sexuality being to do with connection forget the straight/gay/bi label and just maybe start a discussion on what kind of personal traits connects with you and makes you feel attracted too! Name some of the ones he has, be honest above all .... with any luck he will open up and see you both could be together if not it maybe time to cool it down and see if he makes a move..

That way you are not going to freak your friend out..

Good luck may you find love and happiness :love: