Sex problems with GF

There's a lot more to girls than just fucking their brains out.
Just sayin...they're human too. They have wants, needs & desires. They need love and attention, too. Not the "yo, let's fuck!" love either. But someone to cuddle with and talk to about life, about this, about that.

 

I'd say yours is retarded but I won't bother, you already know that now. Besides I have better ammunition then calling peeps names to win my battles.
So here's the thing. Date and get to know your partner before you commit and have to come here and complain she only likes basic stuff. I know what my man likes before I am really committed. Yes you choose to love someone, it builds on what you learn about them, feel about them and want from them, the time you end up spending with them. There are no warrantees or manuals for this item you picked but you can return it for another product should it not working out.
If you didn't give this BF, GF thing a proper chance before commitment then you failed yourself, you can and won't make her like what you want, she might do it out of guilt and pressure you might add to the relationship or she might up and leave for someone more suited to her needs and likes. If she does it for you while she doesn't like it you will find she dreds the nights you might ask for sex and eventually she wanders and finds someone more suited to herself. It's a match or it isn't. Things can be added for sure but to expect she will change is kinda off the wall.
No I am not retarded, I pick my man by what he shows me before our clothes come off, then things happen and I don't do "I love you" till I know for sure. I have no complaints to post here. I am satisfied.

 

The porn thing you mentioned.

As far as women and oral, there are lots who couldn't care. If a guy does it to me I don't refuse but it does nothing like the rest of sex does for me. I don't hate it but wouldn't bother asking for it. Most guys I have been with wanted to do it so it does happen, more for their pleasure of doing it I suppose.
Don't be surprised that some don't like different parts of sex, we are all very different in what we get off on, best option is make sure you find your right match because sex is a big part of a relationship.

 

Hmm good question. You can't have a little dick & expect someone to fuck you like a porn star

 

1/10

By the way, I did mention oral sex in the first post.

Just because I watched porn doesn't imply I want my girlfriend to be a pornstar, to think that's what I wanted is retarded, I don't even..

 

I already do all that, I would describe our relationship being 70% emotional and 30% physical. I'm there for her all the time. Look, just because someone, in this case me, wants their partner to do certain things in bed it doesn't mean they're selfish or not fulfilling the partner's needs.

 

Ok I liked this part. You are not as retarded as you managed to make yourself look.

Still, you've given me no solution to the problem, only a "you should have", well it's a bit too late now isn't it? Since I don't wanna break up with her, I wanna know what to do now. How can I go about persuading her to enjoy oral sex? I'm hopeful because at first we didn't even do oral at all, now we do but it's not as good as I'd hope for, so I'm confident that it will get better. I just don't know how to open up and tell her all this without hurting her.

 

First, it’s not worth my time to try and give you honest fb if you’re going to get defensive about it. I have no desire whatsoever to get in a verbal dispute, so I’ll reply to this and that will be the end of the road for me…

You come across as very aggressive and defensive in most all of your posts here, not to mention you are going back on things you said in your original post saying you didn’t say or imply that, which is just dumb as anyone can go back and read what you wrote before, did you go back and re-read what you wrote?

You’re selfish in that you’re becoming agitated in that she won’t venture out and do or try the things YOU want. You’re putting expectations on her and then resenting her for not reciprocating. You think just because you’ve tried a couple of the things she’s mentioned that she should do whatever it is you’re wanting. You are clearly coming off as being selfish and really only thinking about yourself, your interests, etc... It’s like me saying “eating her out and giving her an oral orgasm should make her feel good, so she should want me to do this every day, and the fact that she doesn’t pisses me off, end of story.” That is how you sound. It’s not about her anymore it’s all about you. You may think you are being so giving but everything in your mind is all built around what YOU think is best. I could be way off and you could be the sweetest most caring guy in the world, but what you’ve written in your posts it certainly doesn’t come across that way…

You make this comment in your OP “I've lost a lot of interest in having sex with her, a lot of times I'd rather just drink by myself at home rather than spend time with her. Our relationship is great in every other aspect…” So because she won’t reciprocate these fantasies you have, you now sit and get drunk by yourself, and she’s supposed to find that attractive? You go off by yourself pouting and drink and leave her alone yet your relationship is great in every other aspect? Seriously???

Far as the oral sex thing, some woman are just not interested, for whatever reason. If that’s a deal breaker for you (and it sounds like it is) then move on and find someone else. But regarding oral sex, on the receiving end for her maybe she doesn’t feel clean, maybe the thought for whatever reason just simply grosses her out, maybe she needs some foreplay before she is accepting and in the mood to receive oral, maybe there are things you do which turn her off or she doesn’t like. I think this has more to do with you wanting to receive oral and she’s not into giving it. Maybe she doesn’t like the taste of cum, maybe you’re forceful with her, maybe you stink or taste bad. Maybe you make it too much about the physical and she gets turned off (again that’s how porn is). There could be a ton of reason and really the only way to find out is to talk to her about it in a non threatening way such that she doesn't feel backed into a corner, afraid of saying something you may not approve of or agree with.

I don’t have any further advice to give…

 

I think your problem is she don't give how you like so you ask here what we think and then you don't like the outcome. Too bad.

We are not sticking up for her, we are concerned you think she is a sex machine you should be able to turn and off as you like. We'd be saying the same if it were her acting like this about you.
Love is a mutual thing and when you find someone who likes more then the basics you done yourself good. As it is she is a basics kinda girl and you are not a basics kinda guy. We can't fix your issue, we can only say what you asked us to but as our true feelings, like them or not.
To slam back 1/10 at replies or "Your post is retarded" only shows what she must be going through. Good that you want to drink yourself drunk at home tho, best we don't find you on the road driving and taking our lives at hand. She will leave you in time once your body full of alcohol sticks up the bedroom and she is sick and tired of your drunken stupidness. I worry for her not you in this case.
Next time find yourself the right girl who you can respect and receive the same back.
BTW, sex for me isn't boring, it's awesome but that's likely because I find a partner that enjoys it like I do in the first place. If that changes I'll be on my way, not complaining to you about my mistake.

 

But yet it might mean all that. Usually if the partner is unwilling they have a reason. Maybe while giving her oral you didn't satisfy. Some guys think mopping the tongue all over is gonna get her there when there is actually a technique, just as men wouldn't want a sloppy mopping of the tongue just anywhere. There are sensitive areas and non sensitive areas all on the same general place. Maybe you didn't hit what's important and make stuff happen. Again some couldn't care and some need it done right, so let's say she got it from you and it wasn't much to write home about but you directed her specifically what makes you go off. It would seem you care more about yourself then, see?
Could be she knows if she receives she has to offer back and maybe you want to give it to her every time so you can have it every time so she couldn't care to get it every time herself. She might like to do it as a treat when she is ready rather then because pushed to do so.
Some women don't mind now and then but not every single time. More when they are ok for it mentally. You have to understand what's in her mind and then to go with it. Chances are she loves you in her but doesn't care for it in her mouth. Do you push on her head? Do you force her to take it while you cum? Is there nothing, absolutely nothing you are doing wrong for her needs? I bet something went wrong at some point she wasn't happy about and your mistake has made you pay for it. We will never know what triggers her to refuse, only you and her know this but how to fix it, that's your problem. Ask a specialist, maybe she will go along with that and eventually tell you what went wrong at some point in her life, be it with you or maybe even an X who gave her a bad experience, or even an abuse she suffered while young.

 

Lots of advice on here regarding styles/types of Physical options - the mentality of such side-lined - As a/from an olde view a simple choice;albeit a temporary one "Absence (/abstinence) makes the heart (etc) ....
(Just a thought)

 

^While I agree that's true, that is hard for most guys to do.

In fact there was a scientific study not that long ago, that proved the male brain has trouble or is blind to certain social-cue's that women pick up on in regards to how one is feeling.

Men simply are blind to it (muscle tension, micro-expressions, breathing patterns) and what they might mean and how they differ.

Guys who are are in tune with it, kinda learn what to look for after experience, but even then they can only narrow down some educated-guesses and be laid-back until their girls feel relaxed and trusting enough to come out and say what they feel on certain things.

----

My advice to the OP doesn't change, and is actually in agreement with Sally's, but I can see where a man just experiencing his first relationship conveys the emotional tone the OP is expressing: Frustration.


But the OP must realize, the question he is really asking us, is just unsolvable.

Experience will teach you that in this situation you either endure, or you move on, there really is no other option that doesn't end up spiraling out of control.

It either goes into the realm of an abusive relationship, or a resentful one, which arguably can be the same thing. (abusive physical and/or emotionally).

 

man it's like i'm talking to feminists.

forget about it, i'm just gonna do what i felt like i should've done and tell her straight up. thanks for wasting my time.

there's too much over-analyzing in this thread when all i really wanted was a simple advice on what to do, which i think i got it from that one person who said maybe i should straight up talk to her, thanks dude. the rest of you can fuck off.

 

I think I was that guy who told you to just tell her straight up.

I just highlighted a reality of the most likely outcomes is all.

 

Just like if a woman came here and talked like this about her man, I feel sorry for your spouse. No relationship should be this one sided, on either side. This is not a feminist thought, it's just a thought. I would say the same to a woman who might act like you are to her hubby.
There was lots of great advice here but you see it as an attack on you just because you didn't want to really hear what we had to say, unless we just side with you.

 

Maybe she doesn't like the way you go about wanting her to give or receive oral sex. If you come across as just...aggressive in a way and not loving or affectionate enough,--maybe you just don't make her comfortable. For example if you want her to enjoy you going down on her, do you start off giving her a nice, long, peaceful massage--maybe saying the right things-like what you want to do but in a loving way, not just... idk, like it's something to get to and get done fast. And then be gentle at first and listen to or feel for her cues or where to go, where to apply pressure...
I typically find that if I'm in the right mood I'm much more relaxed and wanting certain things then if someone is abrupt.
I get the impression from the way you are posting that you tend to run on the abrupt side (for lack of better words).

 

I gotta agree here, if my guy expected it as if it was my job I would lose interest soon. If he takes it because I want to give it that's a whole different story. We should be doing oral and other stuff for each other because we want to do it for our partner, not because he/she expects it as a given. This goes either way. I am inclined to think this is the case and she feels she is not there for that as it is expected. She probably wants to be loved and give love back.
We don't do oral every time, we do what the mood brings and oral is good but there is a whole variety of things that happen, sometimes oral just isn't a part of our play because of other things happening.

 

I am married to someone who I think is rubbish in bed and never takes the lead and the sex it boring, so why would you do it if its boring. She's probably just as bored as you but doesn't want to tell you. Well yesterday I stumbled on to something that turned me on so much (it wasn't my husband). Well the sex with my husband was fantastic. (see my first post today)

You said she was a virgin when you met, well she probably has no idea what turns her on, I bloody well didn't and I'm 43 with 2 kids. She may just think that sex isn't as exciting as they say, so she's just happy to carry on the way things are, because everything else between you is good. That is exactly what I did for 20 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need to find out what turns her on so much that she has to let go, because the need is so great the she just goes with it, whatever that is. How you do that I can't answer as I found out by accident. Maybe a little hint here and there, and seeing how she reacts, talking in the dark helped me as I was embarrassed talking directly to my husband, he even suggested sending a email, bless him.

Well in 24 hrs I have gone from having the birthday/anniversary/xmas boring sex to someone who wants to try nearly everything you can think off.

For me its in the mind, turn me on not with your body or what you touch first, and the fab sex satisfies the feelings in my mind. I'm sure its like that for a lot of woman, you just need to find they thing that does that for her. That could be anything from you cleaning up to you taking pictures of yourself materbating. Its not like we have lessons on how to be turned on at school.

Keep at it, don't live with shit sex between you, it will bother her one day even if its 20 years down the line.

 

Yep from the post above's second to last paragraph. That may be the MOST important part.... mind first.

 

Agreed, women enjoy sex IMO on a more mental level then men, I could be wrong but a simple thing like stinky arm pit would turn me off and I wouldn't reach the level I want to.
Smells, touch, caring, and a whole lot of other little things make me horny and once horny there's no stopping me unless a guy totally didn't know what to do with me.