sex - how important?

Oh, and we usually have sex at least twice a week, which, I don't know if that's good or bad?

 

sex is important to me, but a lot more important for the sake of the intimacy than the pleasure - though the pleasure is a great bonus.

If my boyfriend lost his sex drive, then it would be sad, sure,
but sleeping in my boyfriends' arms is so so much more sacred to me than sex.

 

in a relationship it shouldnt be about sex it should be about whetheror not you love the person and loving them should satisfy you. i am just learning this right now. its not that i or my fiance have lost are sex drive hes just scared shitless to have sex with a pregnant girl. Try not to concentrate on sex just try and concentrate on making her feel special and happy. if all else fails try talking to her again . good luck

 

Well....join the sexless guys club, yea. Twenty years of the worst sex possible. Anywhere from twice a month on the high side to two years without.
I've talked, cuddled, played; had games, and toys, expensive dinners, movies, cabins, hotels, tropical vacation, listened, sent flowers, bought nice classy sleep wear, tried romance, tried making love, tried sex, tried oral, tried fucking, I've tried to wait her out(ha,ha), I was even dumb enough to think that a vasectomy would help (not), quit smoking, tried it all; put my fist through a wall on a couple of occasions, yelled, cried and sobbed, reasoned and begged.
I have never even kissed another woman since our first date.
I am attractive, and healthy, and so is she.
I'm not an asshole, abuser, deadbeat, alcoholic or anything off base.
We share a strong friendship.
Does she have a secret? Would she prefer a woman's touch? There's always an excuse not to.
Being away from her makes my passion and desire for her grow; the less she sees of me, the less she desires me.
She has never tried to make our love life better, although she cares about our relationship.
Nothing in my life has scarred me, and hurt me like the sexual rejection I have endured over the years; not to be touched and to live in a relationship of isolation, has take a toll from who I am, or who I once was.(deep)
I would love to know what it feels like to be wanted and desired for, to have her physically need me, to have her make love to me and honestly want to...that would be so great....I've missed so much.
Rarely has she ever taken an active roll in our sex life. Never have I been given a good honest answer as to what the problem is.
We have two wonderful kids that keep me a loyal father and husband; I could never do anything to hurt them by leaving.
So listen up COY2004....the choices you make today will have long term results. You have one life (when your dead your dead, you ain't coming back to try again).
This isn't about me, I'm not looking for answers here; only my wife knows, and she ain't telling. This is a bit of info for you to mull over in your guys mind.

I once heard that a good relationship is based on three things:
- friendship
- money
- sex

I do love my wife very much......but would I do it all again?????
Is sex an important part of a relationship????? Very, very, much.

Good luck

 

my last relationship.....like when i was 16 till i was 18...the same thing happened. i was sooooo deeply in love with her (keep in mind i have totally changed my existence since then) but....we had sex like a lot and for a year and a half.....like a whole lotta good sex :H hmmmm....this thought hasnt surfaced in my mind in long while ..........anywayz.....she began slipping into some deep situational depression and began having less interest in sex....myself, being a dumb typical boy of that age couldnt understand. i just couldnt understand why? i could only see the idea that if this was happening after all this time it must mean she was just losing her interest in me. she began zoloft, virtually eliminating completely her sex drive. this.....very ashamed of myself in hindsight......was just something i could not take...i couldn't understand. so i became angry at her....angry in general. i was feeling like her love that she had claimed for so long and the love i, even at this time still felt so deeply, must not have been true. i made mistakes & my anger over this drove us apart, quite dramatically and in an ugly fashion.

that relationship taught me so fucking much about love is was almost silly. sex is NOT everything.....its a great thing no doubt.....but its so unimportant really....... ..you can get sex anywhere, lets face it....but when it's somebody you are in love with, sex is just really not important at all

 

lead her

 

I'm sorry to hear of this problem you're facing. It's unfortunate, and I don't envy you that.

I personally have never been in a seriously long relationship except during college, but I have to say that it would be very difficult for me to stay with someone who had no sexual desire. I would have to move on. I just like sex too much: I love to enjoy a woman's body, and her mind, as we play with her and my bodies.

I would also have to do some introspection about whether there was something about me that has lost appeal. Sometimes people write to Dear Abby that their husbands complain about no sex, but they've gained 65 pounds and are now disgusting, and they don't trim their nails or brush their teeth, etc. Make sure this is not the case. Is it really just that she doesn't feel sexual desire at all? Also, check to see that she is not getting it elsewhere -- that is a big question with the Dear Abby crowd...

If she is so intransigent, it doesn't sound like she is much of a mate to begin with. How about her personality? Is she a pleasant companion, at least? How are the other aspects of your life together, that you wonder if they might overcome the loss of sexual intimacy?

But no, I don't think I could do it.

-Jeffrey

 

Dusty....VERY WISE WORDS

 

Ummm. :& When I saw this thread bumped, I didn't realize it was the same one I had responded to before... Sorry.

On the plus side, I did manage to say virtually the same things the second time that I did the first -- I'm consistent, at least!

-Jeffrey

 

is she on any medications that lower sex drive?
I've completley lost my sex drive before, and nothing would have gotten it back before I was ready to have it back. it's like, that part of you just shuts down. hopefully she isn't as bad as I was, but, I am using past tense

 

I think the importance of sex is evident, it's fundamental.

I think there can be sex in shallow superficial relations, but it's reall hard to believe that two young healthy human beings can do well without that kind of intimacy.

In other words, sex can exist without love but i think sex is fundamental in love, not the only thing, problably not the hardest thing, but it's fundamental...

But then again it depends on the concept of love of each person, in theory, there is no reason why young people cannot love without sex...


But then again... what the fuck do i know.

 

no offense, but i`ve gotten to that exact place you speak of, and you`re being a fool.

 

I suggest you do other things that are physical like hugging, resting on each other in bed (that is nice - you can listen to the other's heartbeat), kissing, touching, stroking, caressing. Kissing the other's body might help. Caressing the butt, feeling each other's body, licking. Being adventurous and daring can make it interesting. If she still feels like doing this then maybe you could repay the favour. It might make both of you feel better. I would suggest not blaming or making her feel inadequate or bad about this.

Non-sexual touching, and touching that doesn't have to lead into sex, might make you feel desirable. If she pushes you away, keep persisting or listen to her concerns. Is it something to do with her life at the moment? Is there a problem in her life you don't know about, like family concerns?

A lot of women want as relationship that is not based around sex. Love and support comes first in the relationship I think. Sexual drive is individual however. My partner and I don't have sex very often - probably once a fortnight or once a week.

You only know the answer to the question of whether you can be happy in a relationship without frequent sex. But there's a tired old saying - sex is not everything. Consider this, but try other things like going out more frequently with her and developing the personal relationship together. It may be more satisfying. Sleeping together, holding each other, massages, anything physical may encourage desire. Best of luck! xxx

 

maybe she's not attracted to you or your not working her up enough. I used to have a low sex drive and than I realized the problem wasn't with me.

 

yeh maybe its COLD there and you need to warm things up

 

very funny-ya know the WORD cold does nothing for me.

 

.................right you just keep saying that to yourself

 

DO YOU care to develop that a little?

 

not so much now ..no. lots has happened though, there`s been plenty of stresses and whatnot. i guess i do hope to `improve` that ..can not force such things, they will go however they go..
My boyfriend and i have the same views on sex so it`s cool
Peace.

 

maybe she's a lesbian....or cheating on you
try getting her drunk and telling her she's beautiful and tha you love her...haha