relationship decision

Yeah, it's ok to know your own needs. But in the end our choice to be in one kind of relationship or another has to be based on the actual people we meet.

It's not some in abstracto decision.

 

true

 

You sound so sad! lol

Maybe it's your pic I don't know.

 

haha no I'm not sad.. hah maybe I am.. who knows.

 

Have you seen "L'homme qui ammait les femmes"? Truffaut?

Actually, the film might disgust you, I don't know.

It's just that he makes an interesting observation on sadness half-way through --- the main character.

Your post reminded me of it.

 

no, I haven't seen it.. but maybe someday I will..

 

my pleasure. I've gone and am going through it so I know from experience. I know about the emotional ups and downs I know about the static that people throw. I've lost so many friends and family members and all of that because of decisions I've made, some having to do with polyamorism but mostly just because I simply refuse to bow to the idea of what I'm supposed to do. I'm sorry but I am me. If you can't handle me, don't hang around me. It's simple. And I'm not a dick. I'm waaaaaaay laid back and really nice but if you compromise on who you are and what you're about then people will own you. What's the point of living if all you do is live the life people say you have to live. That's a bullet I refuse to swallow.

 

I don't think we were telling her how to live at all.. and just giving her advice based on how most humans function.. or based on how we function..

if people have insecurities about how they live their lives, like getting defensive and shit.. then apparently.. they are aware that maybe something's wrong?

I def. agree that no one should live their life based on other people's expectations though.

 

Seen the Science of Sleep?

http://wip.warnerbros.com/trailerplayv2.html?id=scienceofsleep&settings=true

 

yes

I love that movie

 

Sounds interesting. I'll try to keep it in mind. Just wikied it.

 

communicate
i cannot possibly stress how important that is in any open/poly relationship. let the other know how youre feeling. dont cut them down for feeling insecure or worried over something. talk everything out that you can. the only way it can work is if you two are honest with each other and talk often

 

exactly. assume nothing, and if you are feeling wierd or hurt, speak up. because if you don't, or your hold on to the ideal that "if they love me they'll know that i'm upset or hurt" you will get burnt. there is no easy way to do this. the way society is currently and the way most people have been raised to think and believe, going against the mainstream in this way is really hard. it requires constant communication and openness, and willingness to see every situation from a multitude of perspectives.

it's really an experience built for growth and change, and that's really cool.

 

hugger, what's your way to express disaproval without, you know, being defensive or retaliatory or mincing woids?

 

Looks like you found the perfect puppy dog man. I hope it works for you but based on what you have said I imagine it will eat him up inside.

But hey it works for you. Wish you all kinds of luck with that.

 

In the past I used to be very open about my relationships, I didnt need them to be so restrictive. I would always tell everyone that if they found the need to be with someone else or whatever, that it was cool, as long as it wasnt in a disrespectful way. That there was no need to lie about it or pretend otherwise, but the reality was that I wasnt ready to commit to any of those relationships, not only because I was young and wanted more freedom and more fun, but because I wasnt in love, the people I was with and the relationships I was in didnt fulfill me, so I couldnt give all of me to that.
Im a very sexual person, extremely curious of people and an experience junkie, I always want to do things just so I can see and share a moment, but since I've been with John, I'm only curious about him and every experience and moment I want to share with him. I have no desire to be with someone else or anything. I'm happy with what I have and who Im with, so there's no need for more and no longer a fear of commitment to ONE person, because I guess I found what I was looking for.
I hope this help Sarah and good luck with whatever you find out.

 

Yup, that's exactly how I feel too...never was fully ready to commit when I was "OK" with open relationships...

Now, I can't fathom ever wanting to be with anyone else...

Cheers for the post Autenique...you said it much better than myself...

 

Thanks Annie , I dont really know anything but my own personal experience and I can see a clear difference with the person I was before. Always asking for space and running away the minute it got complicated, I dont think I was ever in a relationship longer than 6 months and to be completely honest I dont even consider them relationships, more like just people I was with and I suppose there was a lot of growing for me to do (still, going), but also to find someone that not only did I love, but that I was also IN love with.
I think we all go through similar things and there is no skipping and jumping ahead, the only way for everyone to find out is going through it.

 

Oh snap!

tough to read that and not think it though.

 

I give you guys six to nine months from the first time somebody sleeps with somebody else. Two things almost ALWAYS happens in these scenarios. People stop being open about their exploits OR feelings/jealousy start kicking in.

And if you sleep with any of his friends, I don't care how cool he said he is with it, you've just detonated a nuclear device.

I'm wrong a lot, but this is my prediciton.