reassurance about Crying It Out

well I don't know what to tell ya, RetroGroove_Grrl, I just said what came to mind. I understand your point, though.

 

Retro girl, you're right, no one has the perfect answer, but the OP asked for support in her decision to not let her child CIO, she in no way asked for a CIO debate. She's made her decision, she is not changing her mind, she wanted reassurance from other like minded parents, she did not want anyone telling her she's wrong. You were telling her to do the oppisite of what she's chosen to do, that is not support or reassurance.

 

no I never said she was wrong. I just offered different opinion

 

well thanks for your opinion, but I need support...

 

This, to me, does not say "I'd like some opinions on what i could do differently"

it clearly asks for SUPPORT. if you don't feel the urge to be supportive, then find a thread thats more up your ally.

 

Sorry, I thought we could disscuss things is all

why do you need support though? I mean, no one is attacking you are they, if they are, tell em to bugger off. You feel its the right thing to do so do it. Cuddling your child is not a bold move needing backup. Youre the mama here, you decide whats best for your baby.

Sorry, I just dont understand...

 

I just dont think I should have to agree with someone just cos they ask me to, esp on a disscussion forum.

Anyway. Sorry for raining on your parade if thats how you feel. I'll duck out now.

 

did you read the op? she's getting negitive reactions to holding her baby. sheesh

choosing to practice ap and back it up is NOT an easy thing for all ap parents. look at this thread, it clearly asks for support and she got two nay sayers. that's just one example. there's a world full of "mainstream" parents just waiting to offer their unsolicited advice.

 

you know that you don't need to respond to EVERY thread, right? i would not respond to a support thread if i didn't support the op <shrug>. i would however respond to a debate thread if i hold the opposing view

 

well everyone has their two bob to say of course, but so what if I disagree with her. I'm n0ot going to shelter someone from other views. I'm not saying shes doing the wrong thing. Man the more too her for doing what shes doing, but theres other factors as well. I'm just trying to offer my opinion to help give her a borader spectrum of ideas.

If you dont want people disscussion your information, man dont put it on the net. Sheesh.

Anyway what exactly is a 'mainstream parent' from what I take it, it seems to be anyone who disagrees with you?

 

"mainstream" to me means parenting in a non-ap way. someone who practices cio, non babywearing, someone who never tries bfing, someone who spanks and and yells...

and like i said before, this thread was NOT asking for different opinions so why on earth that is so hard to understand is beyond me. just because it's the net doesn't make it ok to but in with unsuppoertive comments when someone has clearly asked for support

 

btw retro, are you a parent?

 

What is so hard for you to understand about the fact that I wasnt being unsupportive. read: I NEVER ACCUSED HER OF DOING THE WORNG THING

So in your opinion 'mainstream' = bad parent?

Yelling and abusing kids isnt mainstream.

At least in my country, the consensus is that you nurture children and dont hit them.

If someone cam on here and said "I've decided to bash my kids to keep them in line, I'm looking for support... " youre telling me you wouldnt offer your advice / opinion

 

No I'm not a parent, but thats irrelevant really, It doesnt disqualify me from having the right to an opinion, and it doesnt make me wrong, and it doesnt make you right. I'm sure I will be a parent one day, when i feel I'm ready.

 

what you don't understand is that parenting is a fucking hard job. especially if you choose to practice ap. and when you come to a seemily safe parenting place to ask for support and get people saying that what your doing is not always the right thing to do it may makes it hard on a first time mom. it may make them second guess themself for no good reason.

and you're ompletely right, if someone here said they were going to hit there kids i would most certainly speak up. now if i were at a "mainstream" or "non-hippie" board where spanking was the norm, then i'd keep my mouth shut thankyouverymuch

 

I'm sorry I was unaware that 'hippie parenting' had a perscribed method. Thats kind of like saying all feminists are the same.

I'm under no illusions that parenting is easy, and that was part of my original point. You know, there are options which can make your life easier. Mums have a lot on their plate, obviously. Its not going to help anyone if a mum is so stressed from doing something that isn't working out for her, that she cant take care of herself or her baby. If cuddling wors for you, cuddle, if it doesnt try something else.

Like I said about my own mother, she was 21, single with two twin new borns. Now, she used the crying it out method, and that doesnt make her a bad parent. It worked for her, she was stressed doing the hardest job of all, and she found solace by using that method. We weren't neglected and we always knew she loved us. Thats all I'm trying to say. It works for some people.

If I thought parenting was easy I would have told her to get over it wouldnt I?

 

i'm done here. tamee, i support you fully in your decision to not practice cio

and retro, when you become a parent and choose to parent the way that feels natural to you and you go to your peers to ask for support in your decision and you get people giving you their unsuportive opinions maybe you'll understand.

 

Retro, don't feel bad you were just stating opinion and there is nothing wrong with that.

I agree with you here. I am a parent so that must give me rights to my opinion right? Anyway, IMO under 1 CIO isn't that great of an option. Kids do learn that crying brings them attention and this can be bad and get worse after 1 but babies can't let you know what it is they are crying about. You might think they are throwing a fit but it could be upset stomach/gas etc. This is my cut-off though because past 1 they are communicating with more then cries and you have a much better feel for your childs personality. That being said there is nothing wrong with waiting a minute to see if babe is going to settle down and find something that will hold their attention especially if they are sitting up. Not crying for hours but a couple of minutes I feel would be fine to see if they settle. I think CIO has a place in not letting kids older then 1 just throw tantrums to get their way.

 

I need support because everyone I know thinks differently than I do and it's hard to not second guess myself and say "maybe they're right?", although I don't feel they are. without these wonderful women on this forum it would be even tougher for me.

some people can have a gut feeling and stick to it with a rough and tough everstanding will-power, but I, unfortunately, sometimes don't trust myself. I just need a little back up sometimes. I'm sure a lot of moms can relate.

 

People who do not want to give up "their time" or who want to be more than just a mom, don't need babies. I honestly can't imagine desiring a child and expecting it not to take almost all of my time and change my indentity, and I say that even though I would consider myself a very empowered, independent woman. I just think children are that important, not more important than myself, but important enough to give all of myself the best I could.


Tamee, I think you're doing a fantastic job and I really admire you for doing so well all by yourself in an unsupporting environment.