Questions about love and sex

that makes sence. i agree

 

Greenz pretty much stole my words. But like him i have no ecperiance. You shouldent make yourself unhappy just because you think it is a little better for Jade (which i dont believe it is). In my opinon a kid growing up in a household with parents who dont get along, or whos parents get seperated once they know whats going on (by the sound of it, it dosent look like you will be spending the rest of your lives together), is going to be worse off then if you seperate while jade is still young. You shouldent stay in a relationship for those reasons. You should stay in a relationship because you are in love. And by the sounds of it, your finace dosent sound like hes going to make an amazing dad either.

 

Pertaining to quote A. I think thats your awnser right there.

Quote B. You are in no way shape or form being selfish. If anything its the complete oposite. Your looking out for the interest of your daughter, that is not selfish at all. Dont put this on yourself. Its not your fault.

Quote C. If this is the case, then I dont see how you can stay with him.

 

Jade, think of it as the biggest bandaid you ever have to pull off in your life! It's going to hurt like hell, and you can keep putting it off for a time when you feel ready, but there is no time like the present and sooner or later, it's going to come off one way or the other.
I dont want to tell you what to do, but for an exampe, I know a couple who have a daughter that by now must be 4. I havent seen them in over a year but my girlfriend at the time and I used to go over there to smoke weed, which later turned into going over there to buy/sell cocaine and get high. (This was before my son was even thought of btw) I remember during one of their many loud arguments in front of us, there was a 1/4 ounce of coke on the kitchen table that we were all sharing in, and while they were arguing and I was just waiting for them to stop, I look over and there was the 2 year old, precious, innocent little girl, sticking her finger's plastered with cocaine in her mouth. I ran over and grabbed her and yelled at her parents to come clean her up.
Another time, actually right after my son was born, the three of them came over to meet our baby and smoke a little bit to celebrate. I was a big drinker back then and the father of the girl brought some beer over. We were all bullshitting around getting high and drinking, and I was standing up by my coffee table telling a story, and the little girl got up on the table without anyone notcing. In a split second out of the corner of my eye, I saw the girl trip over her dress and I reached out instincly and grabbed her first by the forehead and then by her waist as she almost went face first into the corner of my entertainment center. It was in a flash and they all were so greatful that I reacted so quickly. But what if I had missed? What if I wasnt there when the parents were arguing and she actually swalloed some of the cocaine? There's other stories I dont much feel like sharing because they are low, but can you imagine what situation she is in now? Her parents hated each other, I knew for a fact that the mother was sleeping with the coke dealer and she used to hit on me right in front of my girlfriend. And they were not this bad of people when I first met them, they grew this way because they obviously were not meant to be together. My heart goes out to that poor child and I can only hope she was taken away from her parents because they became pure evil to each other. Right before they moved away from here back to D.C. they stole $400.00 from my close friend in a 'front' for opiates, and since they disappeared, my close friend at first assumed I had ripped him off in order to buy morphine and it was a bad situation. But before they moved my son's mother was talking to me about adopting the daughter because of how bad we felt for her. I realize you are not like them, but from how you paint your fiance, I fear that he may become like them and you need to do what's best for your child. Smoking weed in the house is one thing, but if your man is an alcoholic and even an occaisional cocaine user, you need to get ahold of yourself, be a strong mother, and get the hell out of there. I dont want you to hate me for saying this and I dont know the situation enough to truly judge you, but your asking for advice and Im offering it. Do what you want with it but know that I think you are a good person inside and I only hope that you do what's best for your kid.
Namaste -

 

i will have to agree with just about everybody else on this thread. its quite obvious to anybody who reads what you say about him in any of your posts that its not what you want in your life. to procrastinate is an awful yet often made decision. let me put it this way, do you want to wait till 3 years into your marriage to still be posting how miserable you are to all of us? or take the initiative and take control of your life and Jades life.

and just to not leave this off as a depressing downessfest

remember i dont live very far from you

 

oh yea and relayer, you seriously need to have a talk with those parents, its time they found an adoption pamphlet.

 

That's the problem, they ripped off my friend and moved out of state. They apparently were all packed up in a moving van and never told anyone so it wouldnt seem shady :tongue:
This is why I feel so bad, I have no way of ever seeing them again and even if I found them, they are from the ghettos of D.C. and thats not exactly a place Id go and cause a problem :tongue:

 

Wow, I definitely don't think steve would ever put jade in a situation like that, but thank god you were there for that little girl. That's nuts, and those people definitely need some sort of a wakeup call. I hope the girl is still alive. Steve is a good dad, but unfortunately his drinking can alter is views and priorities sometimes. He's a really intelligent guy who can do or fix anything in the world, but when it comes to common sense... he has NONE. That's why I'd be afraid he go off on a drinking binge at the bar, get involved with some bad people, and who knows from there. I guess it's my motherly instict, or call it controling, but I'm afraid for him after we break up. I just want him to be normal and safe, and I feel like he's not capable of that without me, which is selfish of me. You know? But I can't help thinking that way.

 

Leave him.

You only have one life.. sure your daughter is important to you.. but you can't truly love someone else unless you love yourself.

Put yourself before anything.. first you must be happy.. and then once you have left him for a better man.. you can focus on bringing up your daughter while being comfortable with yourself.

Lifes to short to waste it away with someone you don't really like.

 

Thanks I'm going to for sure. Just not sure when..

 

Is your family in any position to help you out in the short term? The support of folks around you can help matters. The father would be responsible for supporting Jade and without his income to keep a roof over your head you'd need to start thinking about work. I know, thank you, Dr. Obvious!

Sounds like a plan and timetable is in order. "Eventually" is easy to put off. Being trapped in a disagreeable situation is no way to live life. Easier said than done I know.

 

^ Yeah, the longer you prolong it, the harder it going to be.

 

sound like it was more of a convenience/comfortability thing than anything.

i would love to find a girl just like that that wants to be a home maker.

you know what you want so thats a good thing.i wish you all the luck in your new life.

HMMm how do i find one of those for myself???LOL

i know im a bit late but i can tell you that staying for the child isnt always the best option.i tried that with my EX.i did everything i could to keep her happy.she was never happy.i shouldve stayed away from her the first time she threw me out.but i tried for the kid.

sexual attraction is good but doesnt really matter.i could care less about sex although yes i do like it and want it but if i find a girl that makes me happy without it i can deal with it.you dont have to love the person to be with them but its not healthy for both of you or the child.

 

^ A little late??? Shes already up and left at this point.

 

i know im late.reread my post and i even admit to being late.i also chatted with her last night as well but felt i should add my opinion/advice and thoughts anyways.

 

I'm not feeling very good today. I think I'm just missing what we once shared, and my apartment, and our first apartment together.. when we first lived together my life was pretty happy. I know that he's an asshole and he's no good for me, but I can't stop feeling bad for him, and just so sad. He doesn't even want to see Jade yet probably because he doesn't want to see me. I just feel terrible. Me and Jade are both sleeping in this tiny loft bedroom with all of our stuff, and it's so cramped. I feel bad for my cats who got their lives turned upside down too over this. Their here now sharing a house with 5 other cats. And I'm sure Jade misses her daddy.

I'm not going back to him, no way. I'm just feeling really depressed today.. I wanted to bring him some food since he can't get around with a suspended lisence and an unregistered truck. And I offered to bring jade over to see him, but he said not today. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself today, but I need something to do to get my mind off of this shit.

 

A fresh start might be a good thing. Start a new routine. Don't just hang out and dwell on what things used to be... you'll just get more depressed. Staying busy will occupy your mind so it doesn't have time for being down. Tis is the first day of the rest of your life. Make sure that you look back on it and think this was the absolute best thing you could have done for yourself.

 

expect rough days sister... it is a huge step you just have made for you n lil one.... remember you did it for you and her and that things will get better... start finding the answers to your cooking n things you enjoy for you and babies future together dont dwell on what you had... u will be ok

 

thank you I know I'll be okay.. It's just hard. I'll try to get busy today doing something. Maybe I'll start makin jewelry again, and selling it. That would be fun, and a way to meet new people.

 

Yeah, but every big change in life is going to stir things up. Making jewelery sounds like a good idea. Just take up some old hobbies to take your mind off of things. And there is always the good old mary J there for ya, if you need to resort to that. If you have somone to watch Jade, maybe get a job. Ive had horrible depression over the past year, and although it didnt stop it, getting a job at the end of the summer has really helped get my mind off of things.