Pretty Little Liar

We've suggested her mother might want to seek some counseling for her but she won't do it because she thinks it will stigmatize her and make her think something is "wrong" with her.

 

But there IS something wrong with her. Children lying is natural but compulsive lying with a complete disregard for others is not. And she can only be stigmatized (is that a word?) by others if she chooses to tell others that she is in therapy. She needs to keep it a secret and work through it, because for all the child knows, she might not even realizing she's doing something wrong. It's a hard situation to deal with, because if she's like my sister and seeking negative attention, the appropriate response would be to ignore it and not give her attention, but if she's not seeking negative attention, if you ignore her behavior she will never learn that what she is doing is not the correct thing to do. I think therapy would be the best way to get to the root of that issue

 

I've been hearing a commercial on the radio every day for months now about the 'Total Transformation Program'.

http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/?utm_source=ratings

They say it's free if you give them your feedback on it.

I called the number and they said it does deal with liars.

Hope this helps.

 

Thanks, Justin.

The offer says "

Not the route we will choose but it might be of interest to someone else reading this.

 

Seized menitoned that negative attention seemed to be better than none.

You mentioned sending her to her room, but further, I think, you might consider trying to be emotionless in handing out punishments for lying..... So that it's sort of emotional time out for it.

It's a very simple, logical problem that a lot of people develop, but it's amazingly frustratingly hard to break it, with how self-reinforcing it can be.

 

Hmmm, that's a thought. I hate having to be on guard like that around kids but I will give this a try.

 

So, today I got a long letter of apology from my step-granddaughter. Grandpa had talked to her about the situation for a little while and her letter pretty much repeated everything they had just talked about.

It was a good letter. It's like she "got" it while their discussion was fresh on her mind.

Now that I've thought about it, I'm going to make a copy to give back to her for her to hang on her bedroom wall. She needs it to refer to.

 

No. The baby sister that she bit was 2 months old and she was almost 5. And the crotch "grab" was not comical. It was a crushing, enduring, squeeze. She was almost 7 when she delivered that.

 

I think it may be helpful to her to see a positive reinforcement as well if you could show her how appreciative you are of her letter...show her that you keep it in a nice place and really hope it symbolizes a positive change in your relationship.

Another thing I'd do is try relating to her. Tell her about times in your life where you told lies and connect with the why (I was nervous, I was embarrassed, I didn't want to get in trouble) and what might have happened if you had been truthful as well as times when it may have been easier to lie but you told the truth anyway, and how it builds character, confidence, strength and closer relationships.

With lots of things I think logical consequences are great...but with lying...I don't know, at this age kids lie... 9 is a tough age for a girl, especially a girl with a family history like this little girl. It is a time of discovering, questioning and playing with identity, even if it is just internally, it is not uncommon to keep parts of oneself protected by projecting a false image outward, due to insecurity about who she is...

She could be quite frightened on the inside but very, very good at hiding it.

Anyway, I'm glad you've had some progress and hope it continues...please keep us updated...I certainly hope this little girl can flourish into a balanced little woman.

 

Thanks. That's some good insight.

 

My 9 year old was much like this as well so I can relate.. she is so good at lying that I can NEVER tell if she was telling the truth unless I have hardcore proof... so she was punished for EVERYTHING even IF she was telling the truth... she would get SO mad at that, that she has finally started to not lie as much. She was also being a thief at the same time as her lying, so a nice threat of the police station may have been one of the kickers that helped with this. Also with her loosing a couple friends for her lies and theft...
I have a feeling she is going to be my problem teen, even though she is doing SOOOO muc better now, I am just so afraid she will revert back to her old ways.... ha ha

 

What kind of home life does she have? I grew up in a house where it was not ok to make mistakes. Ever. You would be punished and ridiculed for a long time after.

Hell, my father will still throw things in my face that I did 30 years ago.

He accused us all of being sneaky, but we learned to be that way. We lied to save our asses, and if we got caught, we learned how not to get caught next time.

It's an awful cycle, and hard to break because there are serious trust issues. I just about die when I make mistakes, I am so ashamed.

 

Fortunately, her life is not that way. Her parents aren't strict with her. Frankly, I think she learned at bad trait from her mother when she was younger. Her mother has seen the light and changed her ways. She will say that she feels like she made mistakes with her daughter early on and that she regrets it. Hopefully, more love and positive reinforcement will help my granddaughter to grow out of this.

 

Hang in there with the positive reinforcement and good luck!