Pressure

(as usual) I'm not getting all of this "you're a shitty friend" from your OP...seriously.

I think the dude sounds like a tool and probably manipulative. So they are in their 40's and texting your husband to get you to come and visit her?! Unless there is something I'm missing, I think that almost sounds unreal in its childishness. They sound like they are both still in their teens (or in high school like Spaceman said).

I know you and your husband are young, in your 20's, so for both of them to be worrying your husband on a Sunday morning at that, it sounds like they (not you) might have had an ulterior motive for you to visit! Good grief I'd have said HELL NO.

Of course I didn't get from your OP that you would never go to see her. I just cannot get past the fact that the woman is in her 40's! If she isn't mature enough to be able to deal with the life she has chosen with her amateur professional (lol) rock-climber boy friend (NOT HUSBAND since I was seeing you compared to not wanting to relocate with your husband), then I'd think that's really too bad.

Maybe y'all can help her silly ass move out if that is what she is wanting.

 

Thank you. It is nice to know someone understands my perspective.

I don't understand why I am expected to put the needs of other people before my needs, 100% of the time. Isn't that unhealthy? I explained to my friend that I didn't want to commit to going to see her, because I needed a day to myself. That resulted in my getting copious amounts of pressure from her, her boyfriend (who IS manipulative and even controlling, in my opinion) and also my husband (because he was getting pressure from both of them, to pressure me).

I am sorry that I am not going to give in to pressure, especially on a day where my needs were more important to me. I was utterly exhausted, and I had shit to do at home. Not a good day to go goof off with a friend.

 

I just really needed a day to myself, and no one seemed to understand that.

The issue wasn't her texting my husband, the issue was her texting my husband to get him to try and bring me to her, after I had already told her that I needed a day to myself and couldn't go visit.

 

I think people are misunderstanding your OP ash. The first time I read it I took it to mean you werent interested in visiting her period, now I understand you meant on that specific weekend. Which I to tally understand. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself.

I wouldnt be too hard on your friend though, it sounds like she is lonely. Maybe you can pick a weekend that is more convenient for you and visit.

 

I'm going to have breakfast with her on Sunday, if she is back from the Island in time.

I've invited her to spin class and to watch a Doors cover band tonight, but haven't heard back.

It's very difficult to get my friends to workout with me, for some reason.

In any event, of course I plan to visit her. I take good care of my friends. I just didn't appreciate the pressure I was getting from all angles, when I had specified that I didn't want to commit to any plans.

 

if everyone had zero tollerance for pressure, or the consideration not to pressure anyone else, (both would be even better), it would be a different world, and a much much happier one.

 

I concur.