Pregnant dating?

you were lucky enough to meet a special guy who obviously saw something very special in you as well. I don't think this is going to be the case for the majority of pregnant women. I don't think the OP is slutty or psycho or anything else that people have suggested in this thread for wanting companionship while shes pregnant, but I don't think she should expect to meet a guy who wants a meaningful relationship while she's pregnant. Its very rare that this happens and if it does, its not going to be because she's out there actively looking. It will happen because she happens to meet someone special, which is hard enough when you're not pregnant.

you don't know me so i assume that wasn't directed at me. I don't claim nor want to feel superior to anybody. It sounds to me like you've been rejected enough times to give yourself a certain amount of disdain for women that dare to reject the men that hit on them.

I think you guys are being entirely too judgemental. Accidents happen, and it sounds to me like the OP is doing what is best for her child. She should not stay in a relationship with a guy that doesn't want to give up his lifestyle or stop drinking for his baby. period. A woman always has to do what is best for her children.

Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting his money. The money is not for her, it is for the child they created together. It takes two to create a child and this guy has a responsiblity to provide money for the baby whether or not he is in a relationship with the mother.

 

Fair enough.

 

banana hammock! :biggrin:

 

i hope you two are very happy together. let me know if you want me to make a speech at the wedding.

 

i am going to go ahead and admit I haven't read most of the posts in this thread, but your original predicament sounded EXACTLY like what I was going through last year. I was with a guy for 2 years, we had fun, he was a drunken idiot, we broke up when we found out I was pregnant.. I kept the baby, but was going crazy with hormonal rage the whole time and didnt want to be a slut, so i just went crazy rather than trying to date.
it's hard to be sexy when you dson't feel sexy, but realistically, there isnt a better time in your life to have meaningless sex. your hair and nails grow faster, your breasts are bigger and more sensitive, your vag is aching for some attention and lots of women say it's the best sex they've ever had when they're pregnant... you obv can't get knocked up again, so you still have to avoid STD's, but that's one less worry... and there is a certain type of guy out there that thinks the curves of a pregnant lady are the sexiest thing in the world.
dating to find a mate might be a different story, but for the first few months anyway i would think any pregnant woman should be a sex machine!

....of course this is coming from someone who has had sex with only one guy since 2007, and hasn't been laid in over a year... so theoretically, dating while pregnant is fantastic! i guess it's up to you whether you act on your sexiness or not.


and to the poster earlier who said you should just have the real father man up and be there instead of dating -- some people just shouldn't be fathers! at least at this point in their lives. i am MUCH better off without my ex in our lives, and I don't think my daughter is missing anything by just having a mother who loves her twice as much. don't feel guilty for making a decision that affects your child if it saves them from hearing fighting daily, and leaves them with the impression that the family unit is supposed to be unhappy and dutiful. I think you've done the right thing.

sadly, lots of men think there's something weird or gross about having sex with a pregnant woman, like it's somehow going to affect the baby. to which I say: CERVIX!!!! you are not poking the damn fetus in the head with your penis!!! i bet there are 3 good inches or more of leeway betwen you and the uterus, get over it and let that woman enjoy that pregnancy before it becomes a literal pain!

 

amen sister :2thumbsup:

 

I agree with gai.

 

I would date a pregnant woman. I think pregnant women are attractive, if they are attractive to begin with of course). I would be wondering why the father wasn't around but I wouldn't be opposed to it just because she is pregnant. I love kids.

I think this is the best time to find a nice guy. Any guy willing to date a pregnant woman is probably a decent guy. Most guys would run screaming, which might show some insight into what they might be like if they got a girl pregnant.

Just be patient and ask a male friend who you are close with to just help you with your sexual needs in the meantime. I am sure he wouldn't have a problem helping you out.

 

i would say more often someone willing to date a pregnant woman is either a fetishist or desperate. there's a huge difference between getting a girl pregnant yourself and committing to raise a stranger's baby.

 

i wish that were the case... any guy i talked to about sex still held onto the notion that their supposedly enormous member would cause lasting brain damage in my child, or that at 3 mos, they'd cause me go into labour :/ the men i've known were so blitheringly ignorant about the female body it was (and still is) mind boggling.
suffice it to say, they feared the unknown and wouldnt dare try any time this decade. VERY disappointing.

 

Given the fact that the OP appears to think sex is going to aid her in labor, your would be dates seem to have been in good company.

 

i would think most guys would consider a dented baby to be an acceptable risk...

 

yeah, i would have thought so too. maybe i'm just lucky enough to know some of the most ignorant but considerate guys in existance.

haha sure, it does aid in labour, but not before 8 or 9 months lol

 

mad gaia love over this way. haha

I DO have male friends willing to "help me with my needs"but that's not all I want, because it's not about the sex... sex minus any affection is still good sex, but I'd rather meet a guy who actually would show me affection.
I want a friend and a lover/partner not a fuck buddy, I've got those and don't necessarily want them. i oblige once in a while but I would prefer to meet someone who actually cares about me.

I mean yes, I have needs THEY have needs so once in a while sure, why not... but I don't have a lot of support from my mom in the way of her seeing who I am and what I'm all about when it comes to me having this baby... I'm much more "au natural" than her, and she does NOT get it at all so I'm having a lot of my personality suppressed with her being one of my main supports... it gets stressful when i realize that since I can't afford to pay a midwife (midwifery isn't "recognized" here where i live) I'm probably going to have to go to the hospital, which stresses me out and knowing my mother will just make that worse I'm really thinking I may have to be alone in a room full of doctors who think I'm full of shit and bossing them around about how I don't want 10 nurses to hold my baby before I do and then when III finally get to see him/her all i see is a squished swaddled up face with some strange cream puffing up their little eyes so i can't even SEE what my own child looks like...
my mother also jumps down my throat and calls me off like I'm completely off my rocker if i so much as MENTION how I'm going to use cloth diapers... seriously talks to me like I'm retarded... she's very close minded and knows NOTHING about what she's even arguing about.

so my everyday life is a little stressful and it takes a lot out of me
SO it's kind of hard for me to thrive like I want to and feel good about myself, and be who I am... in this situation... I have friends, but only some of them see my point of view (Newfoundland is a very small minded place and I want to live in the city but until I'm 8 months pregnant I'm stuck living at my mother's house)

SO
It would be nice to have someone in my life who cares about me and talks to me and listens to me and can be there for me when I'm having a rough day, even if it's just to cheer me up on the phone for 15 minutes, or if it's to cuddle me and watch movies with me all day or go for a walk downtown and go to the coffee shop or something!


and I agree that if I find a guy who likes me and is willing to get to know me even though I'm pregnant is a good way to know he's a good person... I'm a really good judge of character so I'm pretty confident in my ability to know if a guy is a total perv and only interested in me because he's got a prego fetish.

 

Yeah....

 

http://doulacollectivenl.ca/collective.htm

you may find this useful. check it out. as nice as i'm sure it is to have a male partner, i dont think any man can understand and help us through this experience like a woman. and a trained woman is even better!

seriously, give it some thought. the 1 thing you probably need more than even companionship right now is support. luckily, these women offer both, for free!

 

^Gonna have to agree.^

There are some things that no one with a penis can comprehend, no matter how many degrees and licenses he may have.

I understand the need for male company, though. I can also understand men getting a little skittish. They never know if a woman who's preggers is looking for a companion or someone to be a "Daddy." For the latter, well, it would be like a dude asking out a chick simply because he's sick of doing his own dishes. I don't think you are, obviously, but the man couldn't never really know.

 

i love you two! haha
I've looked into the collective and I'm lucky enough that there are actually doulas in my province and I fully intend on having one

the fact that there's a collective makes me real happy. considering there's only ONE midwife in this province!

other than that... I'd never expect a man to understand or help me with the pregnancy or birth.... I don't want a birth partner and baby daddy... my mom can hold my hand... she has a vagina and will be better off in that position than most men (all super dads/husbands aside... no need for offense.. you're all awesome!!!)

and I've actually noticed (now that I'm quite obviously pregnant from looking at me) that men actually still look at me the same way... so, as much as I'm not out looking for guys at bars(as I don't really want a guy that spends a lot of time at a bar in the first place) I DO get noticed and not for the belly...

it feels nice... 2 different guys actually looked at me today and I was surprised... I mentioned it to my mom and she said, "OF COURSE they do... just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're not attractive, you're all baby and you look really good... not all men are scared of baby bumps"


... she was single when she had me... she was in a fairly similar situation... she's the reason I feel so strong and know I can do it... she did, and we got through it great... I loves my momma SO much and SHE found someone when I was just a baby... he actually DID raise me (and my sister who came when I was 7) ... one thing I CAN learn from this other than not all men are afraid of babies....
I also know better than to take the first brave fish that bites... I love my dad for raising me... but he was an alcoholic my whole life (he's just quitting now for his health) and he was extremely controlling and once i was old enough to see it I grew to kn ow you can't buy love... and he had major control of my mom for years... she was happy but not happy...

SOOOOO ... I'm going into it with a strong mind and soul and I'm ready to be a single mom as long as i need to be even if it's me and my little one for the rest of my life if the right person never comes along... because they have to be right for me... but also... if it gets serious they have to be right for the role they'll fill if they want to stay with me

I'm not looking for someone to raise my child... I can do it on my own... but if i DO meet someone they'll have to be RIGHT or I'll have no problem going back to being single!

anyway... if you're all done talking about it... I'm playing it by ear and I know I'm capable of taking on anything especially this!
this thread was just to see what experience other women may have had... NOT for childish asumptions or bashing...

I asked it as a serious mature inquiry... that's not where this went.

thanks to all for their advice... but I've got it covered with or without the advice of other strong confident women... it's just nice to have

 

:2thumbsup: i'm really glad to hear that. you sound really mature and you have a great attitude towards this. you'll do fine

and congrats!!

 

Well, I have read this whole thread... and I gotta say... the shit people say really amazes me.

Alison... First and foremost... for all those who attacked you, consider this question.... are they the type of person you want involved in your life at any point? If not, then put that value on what they say.

Any guy who is scared off by the fact that you are pregnant... you don't want. This isn't a confusing thing or a mystery... Whatever issues they may have about you being pregnant, are issues that will apply throughout your life to different degrees... if they can't handle it and run away from it... let them, and be happy they are gone.

You will only be pregnant for a short while but immediately following that, you will be a single mother with a newborn, and then a single mother with a toddler and so on, right til the time you are a single woman with an adult child living their own life... The point being, the issues that scare most guys off about a woman being pregnant, don't go away after birth.

There is nothing wrong with you dating or looking for a life companion, even while you are pregnant, just as there wouldn't be anything wrong with you looking for one with a new born or a toddler and so on...

As for sex... most women do get extra horny during pregnancy, and there is nothing wrong with doing it... as long as you are responsible about it.

And yes, having sex regularily while pregnant DOES make for an easier childbirth, and that is not something that is just limited to the final month or two.

Sex is a great stress reliever and source of pleasure that does all sorts of wonderful things for a pregnant woman and her unborn child. Just that part of it would make it worthwhile for a woman to have GOOD sex regularly during pregnancy. However, there is another issue as well, and that is having sex regularly keeps the muscles loose and although not stretched like they will be, it does keep them used to the idea...

One last thing... having a penis does not mean you can not understand women or their bodies, just as having a degree or diploma doesn't mean someone can understand them.