People are telling my friend that he is bad.

hahaha...actually I'm glad you shared that and every time you say sorry I smile just a little...it's endearing.

 

We don't have to act upon every carnal desire, and that intricate ability to abstain elevates romance, devotion, and family duty to 'a different level'.

As far as living to please one's self physically or otherwise, this is totally fine for some; not really for me because I take pleasure in putting my loved ones first and experiencing mutual enjoyment. If my partner is generally unhappy, I'm not happy. So if my partner opposed it at all, I wouldn't think twice about abstaining. Its no question for me.

I dont understand your logic behind the double standard question. So I'll ask you, does it make a difference to you if the person is male or female??

 

Makes no difference to me either. A relationships is that, a bonding between two people. A trust thing so they know there are no diseases being brought home, both can know their happy lives are happening because they are into each other.
Now lets say they both want some kink like a third is agreed by both,,, ya then why not, as long as they are careful and they both wanted that. Some peeps do that, not my style and I can't see it being a good thing but at least both wanted it. It's not like one is being left to wait for the damages. If it ruins the relationship then both are at fault.

 

Thank you I just had to go back and edit in a point I forgot to make.

 

If you stop finding other people attractive I would think that is more of a problem. If you do not act on that unless it is a mutual agreement you have with your spouse, it is a harmless situation.

I will say though that it is not something that I would probably discuss with people in general and possibly that is why some people are feeling uncomfortable with him or her doing so.

I worked with a fellow years ago who one day thought it would be great to share in the break room that his wife seemed to be open to a threesome. My first thought was I wondered if she had of heard him announce it to all of us, she might just change her mind about that and him.

We may be attracted to others but that does not necessarily mean that we should act upon it.

 

I don't think of your friend as a bad person, regardless of gender. I am a married woman, and while I may notice an attractive person from time to time, I've never had any desire to be with anybody other than my husband, since being in a relationship with him. I seriously don't understand how anybody juggles more than a single relationship, even if one is purely physical. Aint nobody got time for that.

 

I can't keep up with my car keys, much less another woman.

 

I am bad at lying, I would get caught. BF can tell if I tell a white lie to get out of answering something. He can tell if I am in good or bad moods so if he calls and I am having a bad day he asks what's wrong right away. If I say nothing he questions it. I hate laying my bad day on anyone else so I try not to. Yesterday I had a bad day sort of,,, driving along, almost home and my truck starts making noises and thumping around at the back end. Turns out someone's muffler fell off, slammed under my vehicle and ripped off my tail pipes prit near ripping off some other stuff back there. He knew right away something happened when he called.
We went into a shop this morning to get it fixed. Lucky for me he knows all of the vehicle repair shops in town so I won't get ripped off, 40 bucks said and done... Woooohooo! A happy day!

 

what is she, an amazon? i think she'd look better as a guy.

 

Haha, ok everyone, now picture her as a guy. Now what do you say?

 

why does it matter

 

Ahhhh...I am at a loss for words. It seems a common dilemma....does not make anyone bad or good, I guess.....

 

Looking around, being interested in other people, and even a little flirting is totally normal and harmless. Then you have to ask yourself, is going further a good idea?

If you don't have honesty in a relationship, you don't have anything.

 

To me, a person with (arguable) dubious thoughts is neither bad or good yet. If he chooses to not act upon those dubious thoughts because he cares about his partner how can he be bad just for having those thoughts?

This might be more controversial but I think the same counts for a pedophile: a pedo is not evil by definition, it seems he has evil thoughts he can't do much about. If he chooses not to act upon them how can he be something else than good?

 

I dunno if that works here, being a pedophile is about being a sick person, (might be married/in a relationship or might not be) where our conversation is about breaking a trust bond between two people for love or pleasure, to add others into ones life without their partner knowing.

 

I thought we wrere just discussing thoughts about other people, which is only natural....I don't believe in dishonesty to another, though....

 

It was about that yes, but it was also about if his thoughts made him a bad person. That was where i was coming from.

 

No, thoughts don't make a bad person, acting on breaking a bond would if it's looking all good to the other partner who would be unaware this is happening.

 

Obviously. But happily that doesn't seem to be the issue

 

Why is what I think of that supposed to change based on whether the person is male or female? And what I think is...eh, whatever. I don't have any opinions on people's thoughts, only what they do.