Nice man or bad Boys????

do I sense some sarcasm...

 

i don't know any girls who like to be treated like trash, and in fact leave the ones who treat them badly right away. can't a woman want something in between: a strong-willed man who's also very loving? i found one, i know they exist. but anyone treats me like garbage and they're going to be verbally emasculated before all their friends, then summarily dumped.

 

RE: don't know any girls who like to be treated like trash

They don't want to be treated like trash, but they sure as hell are attracted to guys who do treat them that way gee golly

 

well, i can't argue that. i think it's because usually they're better looking. can't fight that biological urge, can you? few can, anyway. it goes both ways, i guess. men wanting hot chicks who treat them bad just so they can have a hot chick. women wanting some asshole because he looks good and fucks like a jackhammer. but that shit doesn't last. but i have noticed that i hear men complaining about it more often than women, the whole "nice guys finish last" argument. i think it's more a case of "whiney complainers never get laid by the most popular cheerleaders."

 

Ah, you've got a point.

I forgot to consider my looks.

When you look like I do you take what you can get I suppose.

 

the simple answer is that nice guys don't play rock 'n roll

 

same here. and frankly, it's liberating. too many rules on who's acceptable for you do date when you're used to public scrutiny and approval. this way my love life was steady, enjoyable, loving and satisfying, as opposed to humiliating and ugly. funny how that works, huh?

 

Mynameis: you forget - I am a MALE and therefore a BUYER and not a SELLER in this transaction (not literally but you know what I mean)

I'm on the DEMAND side not the SUPPLY so enh... blessed solitude.

 

This is not exactly true. Where i'm from you don't have shit like cheerleaders and sportclubs on school. My girlfriend was the most beautiful girl at school. Everyone checked her out when she walked by. Women and man.
I was a hellraiser at school. A teachers nightmare. This atracted girls. I was interesting I think. My girlfriend was attacked by three other chicks. These same girls tried to seduce me and said they fuck better then my girlfriend. These are the types of girls I would treat like shit. Real bitches.

But back to the topic. I think girls like man who can handle them. Manly man.

 

Ugh

 

again. the hot chicks (cheerleader types, most popular, etc) go for the image. whether it blossoms to something better, who knows? but it's their station in life, til they decide to break it. but as for the rest of us plebian females, no one is really paying any attention to which men we date, which are usually the so-called "nice guys." AND we've been known to buy THEM gifts, dinner and ask THEM out first. it's totally crazy.

 

are you going for someone on your own attractiveness level, or are you shooting for the hot ones? hot chicks ARE in higher demand, their standards are different. instead of resenting the gorgeous ones that won't go out with you, why don't you find a "nice girl?" oh, but nice girls finish last.

 

You're making broad assumptions that have no basis in fact. Yes, many women choose bad boys at a certain period in their lives. Not all women ever choose a bad boy. Many women grow out of the phase in their lives when they date bad boys. Those who do date bad boys often have very different reasons for dating bad boys.

I once dated bad boys. I was getting over a breakup with a nice guy, I wanted some physical intimacy but was not emotionally ready for emotional intimacy with a new guy. I certainly wasn't ready for a real relationship. The nice guys I knew wanted an actual relationship with emotional connections and whatnot. I didn't want to hurt these wonderful men. So instead, I dated assholes who probably wouldn't develop any emotional entanglements and, if one did, well, he was an asshole, he has probably hurt many women's feelings in the past, so it will be an instance of karma striking. Nice guys don't deserve to be hurt like that.

Many other women have very different reasons. Some have self esteem issues. Some come from abusive homes where man-as-abusive-asshole-woman-as-abused-victim is the only model of romantic love they know. Some are interested in the thrill of the chase or the competition of winning the hottest guy in town (even if he is an ass). Some think they can change him, tame him, fix him, etc. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Anyone who claims to know the one reason women date assholes is full of shit.

Honestly, bluntly, the men I've known (I haven't done any wide-ranging statistical sample study on this) who have made these sweeping generalizations about "all women go for assholes" tend to be of the whiny, smothering variety. They think they are being nice, but in reality they are coming on way too hard way too fast. That often frightens people.

I have a friend who just broke up with a really nice guy. All of her friends saw the surface of their relationship and told her not to let this one get away, he's so nice, etc. He sent her flowers on a regular basis, gave her a diamond promise ring (after only dating for like 2-3 months), helped her friends move, etc. What nobody saw was that he was so clingy that she never got time to herself, which most people need some amount of. If she tried to just have an evening in alone, he would guilt trip her about how she doesn't love him enuf. She never went out with her friends for a girls' night out for the whole time they dated because he would have been jealous of her friends. He smothered her with his "niceness" and emotional clinginess.

This nice guy has no idea what happened, because he thought he was being nice and gentle and charming and romantic, while in reality he was being smothering and even crossing the line into emotional manipulation (particularly with the arguments over how jealous he got when she went to talk to her friends without him or whatever).

So I tend to question the cries of the self-professed nice guy who repeatedly gets dumped for "assholes"...

 

oh geez, i get so sick of hearing this crap. 'women go for the bad boys, they don't go for the nice guys'. bleah. yeah, right. i had to fight my way through a crowd of really nice guys who would have treated me very well every time i ended up with a guy who treated me badly. yeah, right people. wuteva!

peace,

pansy

 

good point...

 

there may also perhaps be a misapprehension of the personalities of these "bad boys." having a couple in my family who were labelled bad boys because they were very lively and active, and boys being boys, always getting in trouble. they weren't evil, they were actually pretty damned nice, and never wanted to hurt anyone. but they sure were in trouble a lot. now, perhaps someone who didn't know them would think they're "bad boys" or troublemakers, on a par with the criminally-minded simply because they spent approximately the same amount of time in detention, but they weren't bad boys, just hyper, and very loving and generous.

 

If that doesn't work maybe she just doesn't want to sleep with you.

WTF? That is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

Oh, and BTW, if you've ever wondered if you're psychic or something, I don't think you have the gift.

We're weird? Um, sure, dude, that must be it.

 

yeah, this is just one of those topics where people's hurt feelings and misapprehensions will probably forever cloud the issue and prevent any sort of common ground or understanding. this shit needs to work itself out on a personal level. there's someone out there for everyone. if i can find a man who thinks mybizrre personality and female charicature of a body is perfect, then every man and woman on this planet can find someone, too.

 

Being assertive in your relationship is VERY differnent than treating a womyn like "trash." At least in my experience it is. A man can be strong, even Alpha, if you want to call it that, and NOT be abusive.

 

personally i dont feel attracted in the slightest to "bad boys"
I just dont see anything interesting in someone who would treat me mean when i deserve to be treated with love and respect. give me a nice boy any day and i'll be happy!