my recent disappearance and return

Sorry for your loss. I can say that I do know how you feel as I too lost my fiance this past September. It is hard at first to deal with these things, but one thing you can remember is the happy times you had together. I know that is what keeps me going. It doesn't get any easier, it just gets to the point where you eventually accept it.

 

right on.
and I'm sorry for your loss as well.

I hate that anybody ever has to be feeling like this.
shouldn't happen.

:/

 

If it weren't for the really bad, we couldn't appreciate the really good.

 

that's true.

and I hope I learn to really live like that someday.

he'd want that for me.

 

I had the double whammy, my Mom in August and fiance in September. Ironically, it is the loss of my fiance that hurts more than my Mom and sometimes I feel bad about that.

 

You will...it'll just take some time.

 

Checked out your profile and it said you were a writer.

Keep writing. Not that this is any consolation to the devastating loss, but the only things worth reading are written by people who understand love and suffering. Like I said ultimately the short time you had together will still be so rewarding you won't regret a second of this. Even the pain you feel now.

With all my sorrow and love to you.

 

You are absolutely right, and that's an awesome way to put it Spence.

 

thanks guys.

if I get anything decent written soon, maybe I'll post it up here.

 

yes, well said spence.

 

I just posted in the Collective Writing thread, but I'll post here, too.

this is the first thing I've written that I'm happy with in .. a long time.

hi,

you were there but not there, 700 miles of static and disbelief, but your song came through so clear anyway. sometimes I wasn't really sure if it was meant for me, but I listened and learned and realized it couldn't have been sung any other way.

a strange, beautiful moment comes when all the jumbly paths of lives lived searching converge, puzzle pieces falling from the top of a mountain and landing all together to make this picture, and to this day I'm still not sure how to describe that. think love and direction and purpose and truth and clarity all mixed into one rhythm, one song, one dance, and that is the way we lived.

maybe it sounds silly but the word soulmate comes to mind.

so these days, it feels like a piece of me has gone someplace I can't follow. it is a feeling of the mainline tethering me to this life snapping, of a thousand plans and paths going from clarity to an overgrowth of the vines of apathy in an instant.

you are everything I could have asked for in a man, a friend, a lover. you walked this world carrying a piece of me I never knew I was missing until we came together. from glasses of milk with movies at night to shooting stars through the dashboard to white rabbits and just breathing together in bed, everything fit in ways I had no idea of, no concept of before.

maybe it sounds silly, but the word perfection comes to mind.

I am here but not here, and I have no idea how many miles of static and disbelief separate us this time, but your song is still coming through so clear. you are here, sending me shooting stars and tattoo removal ads and friendships and love. the world is so much uglier without you but I know you're doing your best to help me see the beautiful things even through this hazy lens of sadness.

someday a strange, beautiful moment will come when all the rest of the jumbly paths my life will take will end, when all the rest of the steel cords tethering me here will snap, when I will rise like a soap bubble with the place where your heart and mine meet again programmed into my soul's gpa as my only destination.

maybe it sounds silly, but the word forever comes to mind.

 

Beautiful...

 

thanks.
:]

I feel good that I haven't lost that ability.
I sort of thought I had.

 

Nah...you'll just write about things in a little different perspective now is all.

 

that is beautiful. sometimes it waits for the right moment to rise i think.

 

definitely.

that all just .. came out of nowhere, all at once. didn't find a word I wanted to change once it was all out.

& thanks :]

 

that's how i write, music and other stuff... i can't really write until i feel that pressure. and if i do feel the pressure and don't write then i just feel like i'm going to pop

but sometimes it goes to sleep and doesn't come out for a while... sucks.

 

that's definitely where I've been lately.
makes me feel better that at least that part of my life is back to what it used to be, just a little different.