My ex-girlfriend

Yeah, mercy fucking is the type of fucking that I usually refuse.

That, and when girls try to peg me as a horndog thinks with his dick.

So long as the girl gives me some agency and admiration, it's on.

 

yeah. for me, mercy fucking can be a beautiful thing. it's pure giving. someone's feeling bad, ugly, awful, unlovable, it's such a simple giving. i mean, not for EVERYONE. but friends i really care for, the most honest expression of my care for them is lovemaking without strings attached. it's a direct connection to my love for them. i don't really put a whole lot on the emotional importance of sex. i think too many people do and that's why they get all fucked up about it. it's like dancing.

 

Hmmmm. Nah, I'll take a hug. No sex unless you really want my goodies.

I pity-fucked girls before though. Just have never been pity-fucked that I know of.

 

yeah. hard to be the recipient. i don't think i have been, but it's possible. you never really are sure of a woman's motives.

 

Well, I found a way to know THAT: I withold it a little bit. While keeping the temperature up.

 

So give her $5 and say "thanks for the sex. NOW, you're a whore."

 

I don't think that will cut the mustard, Kitten.

More like $200.

But, I guess she was more concerned with being physically desired, rather than just mushy stuff or some deep appreciation-love. Know what I mean?

 

it can be overwhelming when one has deep seated self esteem problems. it's hard to learn to just accept that someone DOES love you that much. you find yourself trying to make them treat you like everyone else did and you can't quite help it.

 

That's exactly how I felt with her.

I don't have the greatest self-esteem in the world. But her...I felt like there was NOTHING I could do to prove to her that I loved her.

She always tried to make a cheater out of me. But I never cheated. And that upset her, because I was supposed to treat her like shit.

Paradoxical.

 

some people just have to go on their own journey and there's not a whole lot one can do to help them.

 

I like the el matador. lol.

 

The real question is, how does this make YOU feel?

*scribbles in notepad*

 

Ok. I like being psychoanalyzed.

Um...On the one hand I feel a certain amount of power. It also makes me feel validated in my most crass fantasies of possession of beautiful women.

However, I also felt like an item of possession, without agency because whatever I did yielded the same result from her.

With other women, I often feel objectified. It is both flattering and troubling.

 

I detect a sense of disassociation with people.

There seems to be a desire to feel a connection and deep respect between your intimate partners, lovers and the wonderful actions you do together that can brighten your day.

You're longing for clear thinking, and are searching for a distinction between the complexities of being intimate with a person and feeling the connection within the act of making love itself.

You're much like the wild stallion, wondering if you are better off being tamed.

Try thinking about the actions that are being objectified, instead of taking the view that the people participating in them are somehow. You may find an answer.

 

Interesting! A fellow amateur [?] psychologist. You're quite right about everything.

Well. The real conundrum is that objectification IN A SENSE is essential. What sense?

P.S. The reverse also happens, like the rich lady who totally used me.

 

Well, in a sense, everyone has an internal sense of entitlement of belonging.

As a person we belong to a society - and the society also belongs to us. People run the risk of being objectified when we chose to ignore certain characteristics between our relationships and focus on a generalization or compartmentalization of the sum of the parts of what makes up a person.

The objectification of people as such isn't the problem, rather it is essential to understand the inter-connections between people and what are the very threads and web of what makes a society or relationship distinctly what it is, by those very same characteristics that we tick off in our heads and formulate an objective view of how to behave towards one another within the constraints of societal behaviour or in your situation, relationship behaviour.

In a sense, your ex was telling you that she wanted to use your relationship somewhat like an equation that would spit out her desired end result.

What we often fail to realize in our relations with people, is that our feelings and desires to obtain a result actually work best when we build and nurture those inter-connections and communcations of ourselves to work out the process itself and thus decrease the risks of objectivity by minimizing the chances of our end result being far off the mark or out in left field. There is nothing more undesirable than to repeat the same formula and get the same undesired result.

Most people want to control the power of the equation in relationships, and when they fail to do so, as everyone is ultimately going to, the desire to control the formula of a relationship can relinquish. You know, you don't really want to possess a person physically, but it sure would be nice to have a little idea of how to get what you want from a person without making them none the wiser. But there comes a point where you just give up and give in when you're not willing to work on the inter-connections that make it possible to objectify one another in the first place.

Anyway, I think you may have been with the wrong kind of person. It's important to feel empowered by a relationship, sexual or otherwise. I don't think anyone feels empowered when the other person is making an attempt to objectify yourself, and they telling you what they wanted after the fact that you are no longer together. That's just lame, and useless crap talk. They are the one that is looking for some kind of answer or sense of accomplishment by the act, so it's no wonder it made you a little confused inside.

 

Unless of course you have problems portraying the kind of objectification you have desires to onto other intimate partners?

 

Uhm. Not really, I have had the best sex of my life with a friend of 7 years whom I had never even kissed before. But that didn't work out long term either.

 

Analyze Me! Analyze Me!! Me Next!!! Oo! Oo! Oo!

 

I detect a serious lack of cate