my boyfriend masturbating next to me

if its a once in a while thing, its no big deal...but I dated a guy who did it every time we lied down next to each other which was creepy...but I was never in the mood for sex since he sucked so bad haha

 

I do it all the time. Sometimes after we had sex and she passes out. I still want more. She loves it. She also likes to watch.

 

Hes not human. Females are the only humans. Hopefully someday men could get over the sexual barrier.

But yeah, thats one of our problems. We Need Sex, its like oxygen or food.

 

Well, I'm tempted to think my sex life is really lousy, til I read about other people's experiences....

 

Not what I meant at all, but it sure looks that way when you take it out of context. I explained this at great lengths many times in this thread, but once more for the cheap seats:

You can jerk and fuck as much as you want. That's not the problem here. If the men in this thread are to be believed, it's pretty much the reason for your existence: to come. That's all well and good, but sometimes, just sometimes, we women cannot keep up with this constant need. If we are guilted, shamed or otherwise coerced into sex, either by you or by our own imposition of what we believe to be our duty, to have sex with you when we do not wish to do so, sex develops a negative connotation. This can lead to a condition called anorgasmia, meaning despite your best efforts, and try as we might, we can't orgasm from sex. (I'm not saying it happens all the time, but it's happened to me, and it took me a long time to overcome with an understanding partner that cared about helping me overcome the hurdle and working at my own pace.)
This does not necessarily lead to your own dysfunction directly, especially if she fakes it to make you feel better, but if she is honest and the sex drops off or she just doesn't act interested, you can develop the same complex due to feelings of inadequacy. Search the thread for links to the proof.

You can say I've over thought it, and that normal healthy people should always be fucking like rabbits all the time, but I say that's a very general approach to apply to everyone in the world. Everyone's drive is different, and to ignore these differences isn't fair to anyone. It's better to be aware and realistic about whether or not a relationship is going to work than to turn a blind eye because it's inconvenient and save everyone the pain. I'm not trying to sound puritanical.That's not my aim at all. I'm just asking for awareness and that everyone be considered. Communication is key. If a compromise can be reached, it can save a relationship. If not, it will just build anger and resentment until it blows up and ends it for you.

 

so since you had that problem, you try to force that theory onto everyone else?

I read all 11 pages of this, and you have been talking about compromise, but to you compromise is either you get your way or he gets his, rather than meeting in the middle.

peace.

 

This is a good point.
My wife and i have the arrangement that if one wants sex and the other doesnt, its fine to masturbate. And we do, i wank in front of her, she masturbates in front of me. We are fine with it.

 

Basically most guys, and some girls, are saying are saying just touch his body or maybe even grab his balls while he is doing it. It will satisfy him and it will only take up like TWO minutes of your time. That is definitely selfish. To not only not be willing to give up such an insignificant amount of time and energy to help out the person you love, but to banish him to another room is incredibly selfish.

Also, you keep bringing up this point many times about how girls should not have to have sex with guys if they don't want to just because guys need sex. What the hell does that have to do with this thread? The guy is masturbating, not having sex with her. Anyways, you have some issues. It seems from your comments you just generally dislike sex and it's a chore for you. It shouldn't be. Your fiance needs to step his game up!

Anyways, back to the topic. I dont think I have ever masturbated next to my girlfriend (although I will now and she has said she wants to watch me too) but I always wake up before her horny and will grab her ass or tits while she's sleeping. Rub her body, whatever. I've fingered her while she was sleeping before too. It goes two ways, she wakes up and is horny too and we fuck, or she wakes up and pushes me away and i go back to sleep. But she's never pissed off about it. She wakes up, stops me, and we go back to bed. Oh my, the trauma she must experience turning me down! If she does get a little irritated (for like 5 seconds until she goes back to sleep) it's because she's tired and I just woke her up. Haha.

 

I have no problem with this. I thought I was very clear about that. It should be CONSENSUAL and not forced or emotionally coerced out of a person. This is ALL I have been trying to say all along. That a couple actually TALK ABOUT IT rather than just getting pissed and resentful when things don't pan out exactly the way they want in bed every single time should not be so terrible, should it? This is a relationship, we're talking about, right? Isn't communication kind of important?

I reacted this way in response to a poster that said, I felt ignorantly, that a woman who is not willing to give it up every day, whenever he asks for it, is not worthy of love. I am paraphrasing everything up to the "not worthy of love" part. That part is almost verbatim, if I recall correctly. Needless to say, I felt the need to address this to enlighten this poster of the condition that I have described at such great lengths in this thread. We obviously got a little offtopic, as you pointed out. Just thought I would clarify.
And my fiance's "game" is just fine, thanks for your concern! He has been very patient and open through this whole process, and he has helped me get back to a healthy place where sex is certainly not a chore.

 

This is (or should be) a total nonissue.

 

Dilemma: My boyfriend is masturbating.

Step one: Watch
Step two: Masturbate
Optional step 2.5: Help him out
Step three: Profit

 

this statement could be inserted into about 2/3 of all love and sex forum threads.

 

When I'm not in the mood (which isn't often), and I know he's horny I encourage him to masturbate beside me. I like to help him along by talking dirty to him and love sending him over the edge doing this. He's an incredibly unselfish lover and I love nothing more than returning the favour. The bonus is that he is never left frustrated and when I am in the mood he'll do anything for me. We both win !!

 

It wouldn't bother me. I would help him out if he wanted me to. I'd rather him do it next to me than run and hide. That would be more unpleasant.

 

I agree with Firefly completely. You're smart, Firefly, and you would be good at debating.

I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend did once I was married. But unless she liked it, I could NEVER do that next to her. And I don't mean if she was ok with it. I mean if she likes it. But my input might not be valid yet. For reasons involving age and beliefs. But whatever, I like analyzing people on this forum, everyone is so truthful.

 

Yep. This forum is expressive . Interesting comments

 

i think more couples do it than not.

in response to firefly's general feelings about this issue, i ask... if somone with whom you sleep with (and have sex with, presumably) is really uncomfortable with this, don't you believe that the masturbation issue is the product of a far greater problem?...which is likely being ignored? all i'm saying is, if you really have a problem with someone doing something that should not in any logical way affect you, you need to look at yourself (read: the relationship) a little closer and consider wtf you're even doing in that bed in the first place.

 

You can trust him because he has dr. before his name.


Dont scare people like that. Not everything has an interpretation or deeper meaning. Sometimes Reasons are unreasonable.

The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence!

 

Thank you both. I appreciate that at least a few people agree that there are two sides to this issue and more than just one person should be considered. Mutual respect and consideration is all I ever ask. :sunny: