mixed race dating...

OMG! I just accidently gave this awful thing pos rep! I DIDN'T MEAB TO DO THAT!


So, are you trying to make friends here?

 

what? i have standards.

 

Unfortunatly close mindedness like this seems to be the norm within the white community. Or at least that is the way it seems here. I was once told that a "self respecting white girl will never date you after you've been with a ******".

Sorry for having to drop the dreaded N word but that is exactly how he said it...And he's full of shit. It's 2013-not the 50's. People's perspective's regarding this subject have changed.

 

Some people respect their heritage and their bloodline instead of tarnishing it.

 

where are you, prison?

 

Interesting, I didn't know that.

I have. Even though I've seen a big decline in racist cultural pressure in dating over the years, some places are still a lot worse than others.

Around here (mid-south), the differences are a lot bigger than you know, except for black families that make a lot of money. There is not a lot of cultural interaction, except in sports.

Class differences often come down to behavioral differences, if you look more closely and really think about it. A friend of mine in college grew up in a poor family, but everyone treated her as middle class. Everything about her speech, mannerisms, clothing, and attitude seemed right for middle class or upper-middle class, so people made assumptions about her family. I didn't know the truth until I had known her for over a year.

To me, this seems like a big public school success story. This is the way it's supposed to work. :cheers2: If you can hang with people who are a step up from your upbringing (or two steps), you should get your shot at moving up.

It's the primary driving force in lust. Serious dating is often more complicated. Pissing off your parents can be a big deal.

I know; it shouldn't be that way. It makes no sense, but it happens all the time.

I think this may also be a factor with black women, who are often highly influenced by their mothers and grandmothers. Not 100% sure about this. Obviously, black men are more open-minded about race, for some reason.

If so, you should kill yourself.

 

I think you’re confusing culture with something else. Can you give some examples of situations where culture prevented 2 Americans from dating one another? It’s so easy to just claim everything to be an aspect of culture. I don’t agree with that. Culture has to be something that’s embedded in the actions of society, almost similar to ritual. You can’t just say, “oh I dress in black, or wear baseball caps because that’s my culture”.

So you’re saying that a boy and girl that grow up in the same house with the same values from the same parents, the girl is more likely to be brainwashed by the family values than the boy? Just doesn’t make sense to me. Sorry.

 

none of these are generalizations, but from what i've observed in my life, a lot of black women tend to be very loyal to black men and SOME black men just date black women until given the opportunity to date outside of their race. those who make it a point to date outside of their race for reasons other than love sometimes see it as a status symbol (this is constantly confirmed in a lot of rap music/videos nowadays as well, at least in the states).

there have also been many instances where i've found out that guys have refrained from pursuing romantic relationships with black girls because they assume that the girl only likes black guys anyway.

 

I'm using it as a broad term that covers a lot of different things. I'll try to get more specific.

When I was in high school, white girls who were caught with black guys were sometimes beaten by their fathers, sometimes severely enough to put them in the hospital and their fathers in jail.

A friend of mine in college was really into black guys, but didn't dare openly date one because she knew it would lead to some sort of a bad incident on campus. There was one black guy who sometimes came up to her room to fuck her, but they were never seen together at a social event. All our social events were segregated voluntarily, not officially.

I had a few off-campus dates with a black student. We got some cold stares in public places, but nobody said anything to us. That relationship didn't last long. We both realized quickly that the whole thing was going to be more trouble than it was worth, since there were plenty of other people we could date. We didn't need the extra drama.

To this today, church is a very important part of the African-American social and ethnic world, especially for women, and white people are never seen in a black church in the South. A mixed race couple would not be accepted there, giving a young black woman a strong incentive not to get seriously involved with a white guy. Why give up something important for someone you barely know? There is a lot of ethnic bonding that revolves around the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's.

Some small town and rural white redneck families are still just as racist as they ever were, but they're a smaller percentage of the population. It's much easier to find white families that don't have a problem with mixed race sexual relationships.

It doesn't make a huge amount of sense to me either, but you and I don't get a vote on this. The typical African-American household isn't anything that I can personally relate to. It's a matriarchal system, thanks to an extremely high percentage of births being outside of marriage. Girls grow up being very close to their mothers and grandmothers, emotionally and physically, while boys are more disconnected from the family structure, and from the black church. Boys spend a lot more time outside the house, where peer groups influence them more than family. This makes them more likely to get involved with gangs or petty crime, and less likely to graduate from high school or go beyond that. After they reach puberty, they are less likely to feel any responsibility for their kids because their fathers and older brothers have not set that example.

Of course, there are highly stable and functional black families where the children are brought up by two parents to value education, work, and personal responsibility. There just aren't enough of them.

It's a sad story, but true.

 

How are you going to know that she never did that? and if you asked her I know a lot of women who would never stick around with you had they done it or not.

 

Ok, but what you’re describing is due to racism, not culture. You could argue that in the American south racism is embedded in the culture there. And that may have been true with older people who grew up during the segregation times. Just like apartheid in S. Africa. But that’s ended now (segregation). I know it takes time to change, but young people can’t claim their racist actions on culture anymore. Just like white people can't own slaves anymore and claim it's part of their culture.

If your family teaches you that whites shouldn’t date blacks, that’s not a cultural norm. And as long as people in your town/society keep trying to pass it off as such, it will be detrimental to inter-ethnic relations.

The one cultural element I see in your statement is the church. Church would certainly be considered cultural. But who chooses not to date someone because they’d feel uncomfortable going to church with them? Maybe I’m the wrong person to understand that notion because I don’t go to church, I’m not taking a girl on a date to a church (unless we’re going to have some fun in one of those confessional things :devil, and I would never go with a girl to church unless I were going to visit an ancient cathedral as a tourist.

Again, to me this is much more related to socioeconomic status than it is to culture. Usually lack of education, involvement in crime, etc. is due to economics. People don’t say, “I’m not going to get an education because education is not part of our culture.“

I understand that there are people that like to “stick to their own kind” because they feel more comfortable. If you just moved to a country from Italy, you’d likely try to find other Italians who know your language so you can communicate with them. You’d likely live where the other Italians live so you can be around that familiarity and comfort. But once you’re in that new country and your kids are raised there, as natives, if you instill in them that they must find and marry another Italian, that’s not culture. It’s separatism and discrimination, racism, etc.

 

What is this?! It's all bull shit and racism. Dick is dick and pussy is pussy. If ya want some go get some it really shouldn't matter where the person came from a good person is a good person. People who have a problem with mixed couples are useless to society and the future. They have no place in the world and should never speak.

 

Unfortunately, racism can become deeply ingrained in a culture. We've made a lot of progress down here, but there is still work to be done.

It depends on where they live.

Millions of young black girls, that's who. I think it's impossible to understand anything about African-American culture without having a good understanding of the black church. Even if you are black and don't ever go to church, there's about a 100% chance that one or more close family members are actively involved, so you have to deal with those attitudes all the time. The typical white church plays a much smaller role in white society, mostly because white people have never been an oppressed minority in America.

I know that the services in black churches go on for hours, and people put a lot of effort into getting dressed up, but the rest of my information is second-hand. I wish somebody would post who has been actively involved.

I've had jobs in the past where I worked with a few young black women. I don't recall ever hearing one of them ever say anything about a white guy looking good, not even a movie star or pro athlete. I wonder what their comments would be about Janet Jackson marrying a white man.

They don't talk about it, but they do it. Boys don't grow up in the ghetto seeing examples of people getting an education and doing well. They see rich athletes on TV, and say to their friends, "I'm going to go to the NBA and become a millionaire!" But it almost never works out. Worse yet, the richest black guy they know may be the neighborhood drug dealer. So many of those bad neighborhoods are so isolated from mainstream America.

:cheers2: Maybe we'll put an end to that bullshit in my lifetime. I'd like to see that.

 

We both agree that racism “can” become embedded in culture. But I just don’t buy that’s what’s happening in the American south today. In the past yes. But culture, just like language, changes and evolves over time. Perhaps there are still older people that have difficulty separating from those past norms. But no young people in 2013 grow up with racism as their culture. They may be taught to hate by their parents, but it’s not in the culture anymore. Anyone who thinks that is only using it as a copout to try and justify their hate towards others.

Even if their family is crazy religious and attend church 4 days a week and twice on Sunday… so what? People who let their family approve of who they date are weak minded individuals. I could give a damn if my or my gf’s parents approved of our relationship. None of them have to live my life, so none of them have any say in what I choose to do with it. I'll date who I want, when I want, and I say fuck anyone who has a problem with that. People just need to "grow up" and date who they want, and learn to accept others who do the same.

And I've known black girls that were attracted to white guys and openly voiced and showed it. Perhaps your just meeting the wrong girls, or they're also scared to voice their true feelings because of what their parents or family might think if it gets back to them.

Agreed. But again, that’s not culture. There are tons of oppressed people all around the world that never get equal opportunity (or any opportunities at all). But it’s not because of cultural differences.

 

A culture of racism was never confined, and is not confined today, to the American South.

No young people grow up with racism ingrained in the culture they are brought up in? You need to get around more. It is still very real in many parts of America and their cultures.

Weak minded? Sometimes it is all they know. I don't think you have a real grasp on just what "culture" means. Or, if you do, and you discount someone's culture as weak just because you don't agree with it, well, that just makes you a bigot.

That isolation you agree exists effects the culture in those areas. It may be ugly and inconvenient to you, but it is very real.

 

I just want to elaborate on this for a minute...

I get the impression that in the states many white people view blacks and Hispanics (perhaps even Asians too to a lesser extent) as being somewhat inferior to them. You can trace such views all the way back to when they first started colonizing the new world. Even in S. America, the Spanish considered those not born of pure Spanish blood to be of lower class than them. And that it was frowned upon for them to mix with the local natives or anyone else not of pure blood for that matter. But the irony is at first they had to mix because the only abundance of women at that time were the native people already there.

My point is, it seems to be human nature to want to separate and class people, whether it’s by religious views, looks, or whatever else. So I imagine it must be hard to date someone when you only see them as Hispanic, or black, or Asian, instead of an actual person of equal value. I know there are American porn actresses who won’t even do scenes with black actors. Can you believe that shit!? A porn star who says they won’t fuck someone because of the color of their skin!? That’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard. I’ve never known of any girls with such ignorant mindsets in Europe.

But I don't know that you can blame that on culture. Perhaps to a certain extent culture is to blame, but I have a hard time believing that is the prime driving force here in modern times.

 

I've said this before and I'll say it again: you need to get out more. I've met plenty of European women who think like that. I've also met plenty who don't. It is not uniquely American.

Then what do you think is the prime driving force?

 

Well, I’m on the outside looking in. And we were just using the American south as an example, ok.? I don’t know what’s happening in neighborhoods all over America. Perhaps you can provide some examples? But your view of what culture encompasses appears to be different than mine.

If your culture tells you to listen to and obey your parents’ wishes, as they should be looked upon as the guiding force in your life, then I do feel sorry for those people. And yes, IMO they are just as weak minded as the idiots who blindly follow the word of God that comes from some moron running a cult that truly believe that their leader is some messiah. That doesn’t make me a bigot, it makes me educated and intelligent enough to know better.

Yes, of course what happens to people can have an effect on their culture. But that was not the question or the issue. I’m saying that culture is not the cause or the primary reason for why people around the world lack opportunity.

 

I’m not sure. I’m still wrestling with that. But people use culture as such a broad, sweeping term. It’s so easy for people to claim everything as being part of culture. Anytime someone does something new, they can claim it’s now part of their culture. I don’t see it that way. And I said this in an earlier post. Just because you did it in your house growing up, doesn’t make it culture.