Men are a waste of time.....

something to play with

 

Well seriously, if you are going to talk with other humans, it would help if you had your definitions clear.
Confidence = a healthy understanding of yourself and your abilities
Arrogance/over-confidence = an unhealthy excess of deluded belief in yourself and abilities

Seriously, I pity the fool who hasn't had a woman try this. (Or man, if that's what flicks your bic)

 

My definition is very clear --- confidence = conceit. You just disagree with it. Knock yourself out.

People say confidence. But confidence in what, per say? In our fallible selves? Exactly what in oneself?

A healthy understanding of oneself and one's abilities necessarily include weaknesses, embarassments, fuck ups, awkwardnesses, nervousness, fears, perversions, insecurities, regrets, guilt, self-deprecations.

None of it comes to mind when we think of "confident" guys who pick up a lot of women. Why? Because confidence is hiding/suppressing parts of oneself. Confidence is putting oneself on a pedestal. It is one-upsmanship, compensation, and self-elevation.

And conceit only works in picking up women who don't respect all parts of themselves either, and spend a lot of time calculating their social persona in order to gain validation, and don't feel that they are deserving of respect without that projected image.

Self-respect has more to do with oneself, not with what validation-hungry people find comfort in or approve of. Self-respect is an active acceptance of parts of oneself which aren't "confident." And every self-aware social being has those...perhaps, especially those that hide it behind charismatic manipulation and self-promotion. And who need numbers to gain a sense of self and view relationships as trophies.

Manipulation will indeed get you laid a lot (if you practice it). But there is something else that also works, and attracts women who have greater self-respect than the needy, judgmental women who fall for "confident" guys that will never treat them with the respect they deserve, and with whom they play co-dependent roles (who's the prize?)...and that is genuine happiness.

I'm not the only one who thinks self-promoting "confidence" and "self-esteem" is a harmful idea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4AOwmqTGPY

I just think that "confidence" places standards and expectations on our behavior ("We must be charismatic and charming like John Wayne in the movies!") that pressure us to fulfill what we cannot. And once you realize the emperor has no clothes, you also realize that those expectations are nothing other than self-importance and self-involvement (even if it's low-grade and moderated lest we are deemed "arrogant").

Also, notice that you seem to think think there is such a thing as "overconfidence" and yet, I cannot imagine the existence of "overrespect." Respect for oneself and others (they necessarily come together) is never too much.

 

We are very competitive-more so than women in work terms I think.Maybe over-competitive just "for the sake of it".
With many guys its to impress women.Or because the wives are into "keeping up with the Joneses".
Guys also show off materially to their wider circle of "colleague friends".But amongst closest friends they maybe don't think its as important.

I think we are probably less self aware.We don't talk amongst ourselves about self awareness as much.Plus we think and aim for things.But rarely ask why we think, or "feel" a particular way.
Very different to women pyschologically IMO.

<p>

</p>
<p> </p>

Whats described as confidence is very often vain, up their own arse, abrasiveness.
I've seen how some real slimeballs get recognition from women.
They have no respect for others but they *are* very interpersonally aware.

Self and interpresonal awareness and positive focus might be better than the miused "confidence" thing.

 

Men Vs Boys

Men - Don't give induce grief
Boys - Men who do induce grief

 

yer with the wrong man..

 

blaming the wife again. wrong thread. :biggrin: seriously, the men i've known are terribly competitive with their close friends, distant friends, unknown neighbors, siblings and anyone else with a schlong. or me. for some reason, certain men feel compelled to compete with me. it's funny and sometimes tedious.

 

i like competing. thats that really.

 

damn straight. go lay down!

 

I'm not married-but if I was I'm sure I'd hate her

Actually you're right some guys are pathetically "competitive" with supposedly close friends.
Like in England, all this crap is it a 2009 number plate or a 2008 etc.
Whats the chip on their laptop blah blahhhh
And guys in their 30s can be worse than 20s guys.Sometimes, people of 50 odd are worse again.I just think they need to get a life sometimes.

But having said that, one of the main objectives of a male, from early age is to appear desirable by women.We've all had it conditioned into us that we need to be wealthy and competitive, or we won't be as important/desirable etc.

I actually doubt whether most jobs contribute much that is truly worthwhile to society.If I lived in Communism, I'm sure I'd have loved to be a scientist.

My conditioning has told me "make money, it'll give u freedom... and other things".But if I started a society from scratch, I don't think I'd put materialism in it..

 

i' not competitive wth my friends. i'm more a cheerleader.

 

It comes down to men needing to be eulogized.... they thrive on that stuff.

 

you know how many people are going to be at my funeral when i finally die?

tens of thousands

 

i'll be lucky if i get 15.

 

so far this thread is running right on track. Lots of truths here. I cant argue too much. That being said, I love me!

 

me too, haha.

 

did you hear me gawddamnit, I said I love me. pay attention

 

You killed the thread.

 

I know.

 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/confidence

Exactly. And just because you are confident in your good abilities or overall abilities, doesn't mean you don't recognize faults.

Again, you are not describing confidence. You are describing arrogance.
A truly confident person is confident even in their faults. Whether they are confident that they can overcome their faults, work around their faults, or simply avoid situations where there faults come into play.
It's an arrogant person that sees themselves as flawless.




My brother has this friend (who is also my friend's brother =P). When this friend was single, he devised a theory (that you seem to be proving) that women have trouble telling the difference between confidence and arrogance.
Sometimes, you can't outright tell how confident a person is, when they just have a healthy dose of it; but with arrogance, it's so blatant. So, when he was trying to get a quick fuck, all he would do is act as arrogant as possible. He'd blatantly hit on a chick and walk away. He'd come up to girls that were talking to other guys. He'd talk about himself. These tricks had women chasing after him. He didn't go home alone one time that he went out. Not once.

Instead of telling people confidence is a bad thing (what, should people all think of themselves as inept losers?) you and your fellow women should be focusing on learning the differences between the two.