Married people! Do you get discriminated against?

I have been living with my pardner for 3.5 years and right now we have no reason to get married. we have a really fuckin weird relationship - like, I have had sex with other people in front of him - so I don't even know if I am authorized to speak on the subjects, but I think the institution of marriage is, inherently, a crock of shit.

http://www.divorcerate.org/

check that out.
monogamy is a cultural construct. I don't think humans are meant to be monogamous. I certainly couldn't be. I'd go nuts. Lucky I have a man who understands that, and I DO think he is my soul mate, I'll love him forever, but love and lust are different things, and I think for many marriage and monogamy complicate things. They lead to a lack of honesty for many when you can't admit to your partner that OMG, you actually might be sexually attracted to someone else! So then there is lying, cheating, dishonesty of some sort, or maybe just a general sort of restlessness for the moral types who don't cheat (like myself in fact) that lead to divorce.

But like I said, we have a very unconventional relationship and I am a societal deviant! so feel free to give me a piece of your mind.

 

Zilla that's really interesting! I do believe that Humans are not meant to be monogamous there are studies that proove this. However, I can easily commit to my husband.

Me and my husband are open about whether we find someone sexually attractive. For instance we can say that "I saw someone in the street/at uni and I thought they were really hot." I know he looks and he knows I look. But we wouldn't dream of cheating. It's cool that your soul mate completely understands your views though, but it's not for me if you get me.

 

All the posts here make sense, even if some are opposing one another.

I've been with my bf for almost five years and lived together for 3. It is inevitable that he is the one, but people are constantly asking when we're marrying and having kids. FUCK PEOPLE!!! We're 21/22 years old, stop rushing us.

I believe in marriage, but want to wait, solely because I want to be married where I want to start a family. I'm young and want to travel without the burden of kids ( I know they're not really a burden, but you know....). And I want to have kids pretty bad, but people always asking me, makes me want t o wait even longer. I would really love to consider adoption as well, and obviously you have to be able to support a kid. I'm fresh outta college, how can I support/raise a kid, when I can barely support myself? I, too, think I'm to immature for kids right now. I like being lazy, playing video games for hours on end, and a lot of the time, I make cookies for dinner. That doesn't sound like a fit home for a kid.

 

I am really glad to read that there are people here that choose to wait to have children because they know they aren't ready financially or mentally. I knew I was ready to have my son and I thought my husband was mature enough as well but wow did he do a 180 when I got pregnant, and not a good 180.

 

yeah, exactly. and I would probably be content never acting on attractions if my man didn't happen to like it... lol. but yeah, cheating is so out of question for me considering I can much more easily be honest and probably ending up doing little more than fueling fantasies. but yeah, my bf is just ridiculously open sexually, which works for us. when it comes to emotional attachment, though, we only have eyes for eachother.. in a very intense way.

melyet - that's how we are, his family wants us to marry but we are still young. why so soon? maybe in another 3 years.

 

I had a brush with an open relationship and I thought it was pretty fucked.. I can see how it would work if all people were genuinely into it, but I found that I am definitely not!

It's great that people are able to swing it and trust each other like that though.

 

^ I agree, I think you'd have to be totally trustworthy. You'd also have to have a lot of self confidence and no self doubt.

 

well.. we live together and most of my relationships outside of my main one are with women and not at all serious. the few times I have hooked up with men, he has been there, too.

but yeah, I could never have seen myself in a relationship like this before, it totally blew my world open.

and like melyet said, there is literally not a cell in my body that doesn't trust him. and I'm no fool.

 

Does he have other partners too? Or is he just accepting that you do? It is nice you two are open and honest with each other.

 

Id have been married to my ex years ago if things had gone my way, although tbh I think I probably would behave differently, when I thought I was moving to worcester I went into serious mode and started getting all my shit in order, now I can't be bothered, if there's a few 100 quid in the bank then I'm reasonably contented. I don't know if I'd have been any more "mature" just far less inclined to piss my life away one day at a time.

Also marriage is srs business as far as I'm concerned, being catholic and all, although I wouldn't have many qualms about marrying a certain divorcee.

 

This is how me and my bf are. We are totally open about eveything, and the open/group thing is of interest xD

 

Queen and I got together in '96, she was 21 and I was 23 … only got married 4 years ago as the contractual aspects become beneficial. Still no offspring, still no major plans to have offspring ...

Hmm ... no real point to make about the social norm of marriage ... I mean everything stemming from Babylon is dodgy … just follow your heart, your relationship with your true life partner is a sacred blessing and your union is between you and Creation alone.

Jah Bless!

 

It's a beautiful thing...

...want to respond to so many posts, but am too tired...
:leaving:

 

I like the opposing views too! Commitment means different things to many of us. It's cool.

 

Are you referring to the 'open-relationship' thing Sister?

One Love!

 

Everyone's view of commitment really. Everyone has a different view!

 

My partner and I are not officially married. We plan on having a ceremony of love next summer [haha that prob sounds so cheesey] but I really am not into the whole marriage certificate thing or the big wedding thing. To me...all of that takes away from the point of being commited and in love with somebody.

My man is 15 years older than me, has nappy dreads down to his arse, is covered in tribal tats, and refuses to have more kids.... so heck yeah Ive gotten a lot of grief from my family and even some friends about our relationship! My grandma is always lecturing me when she see's me. She thinks my interest in an older man is all very Freudian. lol. My parents are bummed because my hubs and I have decided not to have anymore kids and they have dreams of having about 501 grandchildren. Our decision not to have more kids is mainly based on the fact of our age difference. I dont want to be a widow with a million babies. My rents are always trying to push the baby issue onto me. Just about a month ago my mom pulled me aside and asked why I dont want to be with a younger man who wants more children! Oi Vey! The most annoying aspect of my families critiscism over my relationship has been the dready issue. My parents who are devout wacko christians feel that my husband and his rasta faith are of the devil. They also think our vegan diets are completely absurd. My man and I are raising our daughter vegetarian and my parents are always trying to push meat down her throat when we're not around. Furthermore, they hate HATE dreadlocks. they think its disgusting. My grandparents are also completely baffled by my husbands hair and belief system. They dont know what to think. They dont understand any of it...eventhough Ive explained it a million times! Most of my family is from Orange County....in southern California. Orange county has a reputation for being a very vain and materialistic place to live....which is true. Most of my female cousins and 2 of my aunts down there have had boob jobs and nose jobs. In O.C if you dont drive a hummer and get weekly manis,pedis, and botox injections then your'e absolute shit. So.....you can only imagine what the rest of my fam thinks of us! lol. Every year when we go down there for christmas....I swear Im the only woman with hairy armpits and legs [I intentionally let it all grow just for the occassion]. I also make sure to wear my best twirley hippy skirts, doc martens, and t-shirts covered in peace signs. My fam is usually disgusted. My aunts are always trying to get my hubs and I to go with them to the salon to get haircuts and manis. lmao. It used to really hurt my feelings. I mean...why the fuck cant my own family just accept me and the people I love for who we are?! Afterall I accept them for being them. But now, I just find the humor in it and expect the comments, glares, and salon offers.
The only things my friends have said to me is their concern over our age difference 20 years from now when my man is 62 and Im 47. They think its totally gross. lol. However, now that I have a ring and everybody see's how serious and in love we are the nosey comments have lessened.
I find it truly annoying that people feel they have a right to interject rude opinions into my relationship. I'm a grown ass woman who can pick and chose as pleases! lol.

 

on a sidenote about being married to a fellow dreadhead and having a child.....the most ANNOYING thing is the judgements casted upon us by other parents. There is only 2 parents in my daughters class that talk genuinely to my husband and I when were at school events. The other room parents seem scared of us! I think they think were stoned half the time! lol. It sucks though cuz I never get approached to volunteer my time for class events. The two main room parents are very conservative and also happen to be soccer coaches. Apparently half of my daughters class is on the same soccer team....so the soccer parents are all very cliquey and sign eachother up for volunteer stuff during game times over the weekend. When I approach them to ask if I can be of any help they always decline my offer saying that the positions have been filled. I know its because of my "funny" hair and "Free Tibet" bumper stickers. My husband, who is an amazing drummer, offered to bring his drums into class one day and do some african rhythms with the children...two of the room parents opposed the idea with no reasoning behind it! Bwah!
anybody else with children experience discrimination from other parents?

 

Mandy I regularly read articles about how some parents discriminate others. Apparently they like to pretend they are in high school. You're better than those shit bags. I'll see if I can dig out the articles...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...-playground-bullying--thats-just-mothers.html

Here's another about how they judge you by your clothes
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...hool-run-pyjamas-start-yummy-mummy-rules.html

 

Oh yes, absolutely. Not only am I dreaded, but also live off-grid with an outhouse and no actual running water. While there are quite a lot of us in the area that live like that we aren't really thought highly of by your average towny, soccer family. Our two older boys are out on their own now, but oh my the years of little league games and the stares from other parents and I wasn't even dreaded back them. We just looked like hippie types and my wife was certainly the only unshaven woman among the little league mothers.

Quite a few of our teenage daughters' friend's parents actually forbid thier teenagers from coming over to our house because we must be potheads. I don't suppose my NORML sweatshirt helped that much.