Marriage or not?

I want to get...commited one day.

Whether it's a marriage or a civil union I still have to decide - it would depend on what my partner wants.

I like the idea of a civil union (and the subsqent legal additions, such as next of kin status) as it provides the commitment without having to go into the whole social/religious history of marriage.

But, if my partner wanted a marraige i could be talked around.

I do want one of them though, I feel that they are more than just a piece of paper. I mean, there's something nice in the idea that this one boyfriend (or girlfriend, whatever) is somthing different to every previous boy/girlfriend. And I like the hope behind it as well.

 

Oh my. I was hoping there would be no children involved in this mess.


What is going to happen to this child? Heaven help him or her.

Worse comes to worse, there is alway Child Protective Services. And, in most states, you have to be tested for several STDs when you are pregnant. The chance of her being honest with her HCP while she is pregnant is about 0. But, a lot of midwives and OBs have a second sense when things aren't right.

I have nothing against no marraige families with kids, none at all. But, everybody screwing everybody else with a child in the house. Shudder.

 

DFACS around here is joke.

 

Yeah, in Illinois, too. They leave kids in homes with psychotic people who have killed other children, and take away children for breastfeeding "too long." Sheesh.

I just feel for that poor child. I can't imagine how I would have felt, if my parents were openly screwing around. It is hard enough to keep your own married sex life going, with small children in the house (you have to get creative) I don't know how people could screw a number of people.

It's none of my business, I guess.

 

That's exactly the conclusion I'm trying to force myself into. It's hard, because she's my sister... But I guess her not speaking to me at all is making it easier in ways.

It really makes you think - for hell's sake, she's MY big sister - shouldn't SHE be the mature one?!

On the bright side, I know she is good with kids. She's worked in nursery/preschool education since she was in college. Maybe having the baby will knock some sense into her.

 

My husband and I are monogamous, but we have friends that are married who are in an open relationship. Except that they never seem to have other partners, especially now that they have a kid. So while they are in an "open relationship" they don't really exercise those freedoms.

My huband and I are common law, we've lived together five years, share bank accounts, leases, present ourselves as husband and wife, we've just never gotten a marriage license or had a wedding.

 

That's exactly where I am in my relationship with my love, but we choose "partner" or "boyfriend/girlfriend" instead... Other than that, we bank together, and lease together, own a car together, etc...

 

I'm still trying to get rid of my first husband.

 

I believe that a government does not have to grant me the paperwork to prove my love for my partner. I will have a handfesting, but not a legal one because that is not important to me. Marriage is a spiritual thing, not a money thing.

 

I Have been with my partner for 5 years. We have no desire to be married. Kids yes. I think the desire to be a parent is biological. Marriage is primarily a social 'Institution". I make more money than my man. But that's no issue for us. We are life mates. We have the same dreams, goals, desires, interests. We Love each other every day in every way. We actually LIKE each other and have no deisre to add the additional complexity of a legal marriage into our mix.

 

My guy and I don't really live for that whole marriage deal. But, we've talked about it. If we're still together in 3 or 4 years we'll probably get married....but only for our families. Why would we need to spend money just to show we love each other? I don't need a ring or his last name to know he loves me.

 

sometimes morality and practicality go hand in hand.

one woman for life completes the desires of a man, and one man for life completes the desires of a woman.

It may sound completely traditional, but what is everyone looking for?

 

"Marraige" isn't about love. It is about law. Insurance, children, ownership of property, bank accounts, ability to share a credit card, you know, all the trappings of real life for ADULTS are made easier by the legal contact of marraige.

I have also, fair or unfair, seen children not treated the same by schools ect if their parents are not married. I am not saying this is right, but the fact that my dh and I are married, and ALL my kids have the same last name makes things like doctor's appointments, money borrowing, and school functions ect a lot easier. And, if ONLY making things easier for my kids was ll marriage did, that is a good enough reason to do it. I am NOT saying this is right, but it IS the way things are. I know most pediatricians, and especially ER doctors are more quick to call CPS on a hurt child, when the parents are not married, and although this is not fair (as married people can be HORRIBLE people and unmarried people can be lovely parents) this is the way things are. I can't tell you the lack of respect womyn who are unmarreid get in the Maternity unit and the NICU or PICU. I am, again and again, not saying it is right, but it is the way things work. These things made easier for my kids are worth it. And not to mention how hard it is to get insurance.

But, it is your life.

 

moon flower, I am just curious, what are you going to do about health insurance for the baby. Your parent's insurance may cover YOUR maternity bills, but they will not be able to put the baby on their insurance, unless they adopted it. I know many girls who have babies younger, who don't realize this, until that first bill comes.

It is almost impossible to get coverage for a baby after they are born, unless you have very good health insurance. One of the reasons Bear and I got married BEFORE the frist baby was born, was so that the child would be covered. And, seeing as I had preterm labor, which could have resulted in close to half a million dollars in NICU bills, it was worth it.

Do you have coverage for her set up, yet?

These are just practical questions, not moral ones, you know that. Morally, it makes no difference to me whether people are married or not.

 

Saw this on CNN today

Town wont let unmmarried couple with children live together:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/05/17/unmarried.ap/index.html

 

Wow. That is just messed up. I mean, wow...

 

and you're absolutely right. My children will take their daddy's last name even if we are not married. I hate how our society works.

 

our country is scaring me more and more as the days go by. this is absolutely rediculous!

 

I'm kind of jaded against the whole marriage thing.

 

Interesting. There are days when I want to be married and days that I don't care. Usually the days that I want to is because I watched some sappy romance thing on tv or in a movie, or because someone else I know is getting married. Don't get me wrong, I would never get married just because everyone else is doing it, it's just that sometimes I do wonder if it does make any difference, like prove something or make your relationship special. Other times I don't care if I prove anything to anyone.

I know that I love my boyfriend and he loves me. We've been together for over 5 years and have been through some really rough patches and we have always managed to work things out and our love grows stronger with each trial we go through together. I don't feel like I absolutely must be married. Honestly, I could take it or leave it. Though I do think for legal protection and such it makes sense for some people. I just wonder though, if you don't trust this person to do the right thing if the two of you do split, then why would you marry them to begin with? I mean I got married when I was 18 (too many issues to get into there) but when I filed for divorce, I did not want to hurt my ex or screw him over in any way. As a matter of fact, I should have and legally could have made him pay half of the bills that we incurred together. But I didn't. I decided that I was the one who wanted out of the marriage so I would take responsibility of the bills. I didn't love him, but I'm just not a mean person. I'm fair, almost to a flaw. The bills actually put me in bad debt. And now, my boyfriend and I own a vehicle together but neither of us are worried about if one of us leaves the relationship. I wouldn't be with him if I thought he would do something like stick me with a bill, or ruin my credit or something.

Anyway, I'm babbling and I can't answer the poll cause nothing really fits with me.