Making the effort to talk to girls

He is quite amusing, as are you dear.

 

Yeah well, if I was you, i'd stop it with the laughing and this is a serious issue to me!!!


The fact that you get your laugh from hearing about other people's problems shows how sad you really are - Daft cow.

 

Temper, temper.

You have to admit it Chris, you do sound like a whiny teenager full of angst and anxiety. There is no viable solution for you, or at least that you seem to be committed to yet.

*shrugs*

What do you think YOU can do to improve your predicament?

 

Well there's not much I can do to be honest with you Aristartle, and when that girl said on the Tuesday how she didn't like me, I thought about it last night in bed (Thursday) and wished that i'd said:-

"I heard what you said, and I know you're embarrassed, but don't be ashamed of yourself, and everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm not exactly likeable, and even though I don't like what you said, i've got nothing against you. I'm not all bad, and if you talked to me and got to the real me, you'd realise that I wasn't so bad, and I have got a nice side, although I don't look nice on the outside."

I'd then put my hand out to introduce myself and shake her hand, saying what my name is and then asking her what her name is.

 

Chris, you will never have a girlfriend if you don't learn to accept yourself.

 

Well ive read through this thing and im still convinced if it's not about fucking it's about image.

Why do you feel jealous of people who are friends with the pretty girls if it's not about fucking and it's not just about image?

You want a friend for the sake of having a friend, how are you really going to connect with people like that? you cant and you wont.

You are angry and you are bitter but for some odd reason your convinced you're a "nice guy" well if your posts are anything to go by you sure as hell not, im not surprised people dont like talking to you, if they were you friend then they'd constantly feel like they're walking on egg shells.

Im not even going to go into the whole gay thing but i will say this, there a plenty of gay men (and women too) who have more female friends that are hotter then you could ever hope for.

Finally when it was said that you have to talk to women as people it wasnt so much that you talk to them (or about them) like "scum on your shoe" but that you talk about them like objects or goals to be obtained.

I think you need to really ask yourself what you are looking for and why, good luck.

 

Ideally, if it was an ideal world, i'd like to have a beautiful girlfriend with either blonde/dark hair (red is fine as well) and green or blue eyes (hazel eye colour is fine I suppose as well) and i'd love to have good sex with her, spend time with her, such as going for a drink down the pub or at a nightclub - I'd love to have good sex, but there's more to it than that, and I don't want us to be husband and wife with kids and having to put up with all that crap.

Come on then Xac, how do you suggest CONNECTING with a friend? - Ideas? - WELL?

I'd like a beautiful girl to talk to at college because i'd like to have good time talking with her and enjoying her company.

When there's no pretty girls around, being sat by myself doesn't bother me as much, but when they are around, i'd love to talk to them, make conversation, and have a good time being in their company - There's nothing wrong with that is there and it's a good enough answer/reason and it ISN'T stupid?

I wonder why some of the guys are with such pretty girls sometimes, and what is it? - Have they got the pulling power where they're able to whisk them off their feet and attract them? - HOW DO THEY MANAGE IT!!???

It always has me wondering, and it makes me feel sick to my heart, knowing they CAN do it and I CAN'T - IT REALLY TRIGGERS MY ANGER OFF.

 

Ok i think right here is the crux of the situation. The first problem is that you are competing with these guys, you shouldnt feel the need to do so, you should go get what you want because you want it, not to prove anything.

You really have to try to understand these "hot women" are people they have emotions needs and desires like everyone else and like most people enjoy having friends both male and female. You speak as if these males must have done something amazing to bring it out of these women but the truth is as i said like most people they enjoy company.

Have you even considered that perhaps these guys didnt really do anything? and the friendships may have come about mutually? or do you always assume that they must have some special powers?

Your first problem is you need to take these women off the pedestal you have placed them on in your mind and re-humanize them in your mind. At the moment you seem to see them as goals that only very special men can obtain.

Once you've done that maybe you could just walk up to them and say "hello"? why not? get to know them, involve yourself in some group discussions, work out who you can relate to and who's company you enjoy the most. perhaps you wont be able to relate in which case that particular person might not be the right friend for you but you can still be civil and friendly.

Finally get your self a hobby, you want these girls to be more interested in you, then make yourself more interesting.

Im not saying you couldnt make friends at the moment but "im chris and i dont really like anything" isn't the best opener.

 

I'm not doing it to prove anything, and if anything, i'm because I want to do it for myself.

Yes, I DO speak as if these males must have done something amazing to bring it out of these women and they must have done because they don't just get these women cheap and for nothing - I'M ALWAYS RACKING MY BRAINS TRYING TO WORK IT OUT BUT NEVER FINDING THE ANSWER.

When you say that they enjoy company, I DO enjoy their company without question, but what have the males got what I haven't, apart from good luck?

Well even if the guys DIDN'T do anything, there must have been something that got them together in the first place, and NO, these lot are just lucky, or maybe they DO have some special powers - THERE'S OBVIOUSLY SOME REASON!!!

I CAN'T take these women off my mind or get over them and they are goals that only "very special" men can obtain - Have they got the golden touch or something?

Well i'd be worried if they were disinterested and it wouldn't surprise me at all, and i'd feel silly if it didn't work.

As for getting a hobby, I CAN'T get one in college as there aren't any and also, getting a hobby OUTSIDE of college won't help me INSIDE college will it?

 

Exaaaaactly

How do you connect with people?

You are OPEN to them. You are willing to SMILE when they crack a joke, to LISTEN to what they say, to treat them with RESPECT which you absolutely have not done in ANY of your responses that I've read.

 

Jesus fucking christ.
"Get women for cheap?" Are you insane? Women are not objects you can buy. Fuck, no wonder no woman wants to befriend you.
What have these men got that you don't? Well, let's see. 1) they typically like themselves 2) they don't think about hitting a woman/person just because they looked at them 3) they aren't so intimidated as to near hate any person larger than them 4) they laugh and smile 5) they have interests that can be talked about or done together ie in group settings.

do I really need to go on?

 

Yes, I'm OPEN and AVAILABLE to them, and whether I smile or not is MY choice, and it depends what the joke is or how funny it is to really smile. I'd listen to them and treat them with respect, but if they're just over-confident pisstaking bitches messing around (as most do) then i'd just look at them in disgust.

Yes, i've been rude at times with some of my comments, but i'm not exactly and willing to let some daft fools mess me about - I DON'T let these things go.

You're a nice girl Ihmurria, and if you spoke to me and got to know me, I wouldn't be rude or unpleasant with you, unless you did something to deserve it such as hurt me or do something cruel, and that goes for anyone else who does that - I'm sorry Ihmurria.

 

"I CAN'T take these women off my mind or get over them and they are goals that only "very special" men can obtain" -Chris


Fine have it your way and suffer but dont become another hitler and make the rest of the world suffer.

 

For fucks sake dude are you that affraid? you cant even compliment a woman over the internet without a fucking disclaimer!

 

No you aren't. You want to hit people who are happy with who they are. That's not open nor available.

Yes, and it's their choice to not want to be around a sour-faced person who refuses to laugh or smile or take delight in life... and most women will avoid men who don't laugh or smile.

You seem to think that at least 90% of the female population is like that though, so how does that amount to treating others with respect?

You'd only be nice to me if I spoke to you and got to know you? Hmm, well, someone who wasn't nice to me at hte start would give me NO reason to continue speaking with them or get to know them better.

Looking at you hurts you Chris. C'mon, you have ridiculous high standards of hurt and refuse to treat others in a pleasant or non-hurtful manner yourself.

 

I NEVER said that women are objects that you can buy, and the point I was making what they must have done SOMETHING well to attract them if they DIDN'T BUY THEM - Now do you understand?

1)I find it hard to like myself because i'm worried they won't like me, and it's hard a person like me to like myself, and i'm not some arrogant bighead that's full of myself

2)I don't think about hitting a woman/person just for looking at me

3)Maybe you're right, but one girl was intimidated when she knew that I overheard her comment about me

4)I can smile at least and look friendly, but laughing out loud aint my style

5)Interests as in hobbies?

I suppose one thing I could try and do at college over the next week or so is go over to the Sports Centre and see if there's any leaflets with activities at college - I aint the sporty type though, and i'd hate the idea of me dressing up in tracksuit pants and t-shirts.

I'm worried all this though, and I can't afford to soften up or mellow too much - I CAN'T AFFORD TO SOFTEN UP BECAUSE MY PRIDE IS AT STAKE, AND I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK I'M A PUSHOVER OR WIMP.

 

I'm NOT Adolf Hitler, and I definitely AIN'T a dictator.

 

Oh, i know your not please understand my point, you are OBSESSED with setting yourself up for pain and thats your choice to suffer but you also seem very hateful and bitter and people who are alone and angry tend to try and make other people suffer too, Hitler was just one extreme example but the point remains the same.

And the point is this, you are suffering because you choose to suffer, DO NOT impose such choices on other people.

 

Hey chris you remind me of a few guys I used to know in high school, one of them being myself and how I used to be as far as social skills are concerned. I never had many "real" friends until basically after high school, but that was because getting kicked out on my ass when I was 16 made me realize how much of a hot tempered asshole I can be, and started me thinking about why I offended or upset so many people.

No matter how much people shit on you in life, you just have to be friendly and polite to everyone regardless. People reflect back the same treatment you give to them, so if you're nice to them unconditionally then they will usually be the same to you. Ones that still shit on you, just avoid them you don't need them anyway.

Like many others said, women are still people and you have to treat them with respect as much as with any guy, and in my experience much more so, as they seem to usually be more easily offended (tact wise) and would rather walk away and never talk to you again than fight or argue with you.

As for talking to girls I'm not exactly a ladies man by any means but I've got/had a few good female friends (one really hot one too) that were always just friends, and helped me a lot to understand how women think. I know for a fact that some guys thought we were dating, but just because you see some guy with a hot girl doesn't mean he's fucking her, they might just be friends...

Maybe try to befriend a girl or two first, and hang out with them just as friends. They might change your view of the world, and tell you stuff that you never knew before, but will seem so stupidly obvious once you know it. Women will also have friends that are other women, and they might introduce you to them and you might end up partying with them someday

 

Maybe you should try being extra nice and befriend an ugly girl. I'm sure she has "pretty friends".

That would be the best place to start I think for someone like you who has problems talking to any girl.