Major P's Poems

wow . ur fucking innovative, i love it all

 

thanks guys

 

I'll have to come back to some of this again, I like "The Green Mind" a lot.

 

its a bit hard to believe that you were only rated four stars...i really enjoyed all of these poems...you really use imagery and your powers of evocation well

 

I hope to one day write something as fluid as this. I love reading this aloud. I can see them all. Perfect!!!

 

Sketch 1

"Can you make it
in a blender?" she asks,
singing a little
behind those eyes.

"I can make it
in a coffee pot," I say,
harmonizing as best
I can,

working
up to my
highest C.

 

i also love this is how it happens, true story -anyone can relate, very human.
the sketch 1 is a little too personal for me, but the last 5 lines are enjoyable

 

"a little too personal" - how so?

 

i just cant really relate to the quotes
it sounds like something u actually said to some1
idk its a matter of opinion

 

oh ok

nothing in "sketch 1" ever happened, and if the quotes sound random it's because what people say is not important.

ps, if you think you can't relate to that, check out "four foot cow string."

 

is that one about God? or what we percieve as God?
7
i like it

 

Sketch 2

"In every place
there is a certain time of day
that shows off the land
to its best advantage"
said John,
and it was buried
among all the very many
things he said.

(No one would remember,
when later questioned,
this specific line of inquiry
on John's part.)

"I am -
- in love with this town,"
he grated,
rubbing his forehead,
"And it's a case
of Stockholm Syndrome
if there ever was one."

I know
what he means
but I didn't hear
him say it
I was too far
gone
looking
out
the
window.

 

this poem is great. i can relate for sure...

and the subtle psychology, how clever...

 

["I am -
- in love with this town,"
he grated,
rubbing his forehead,
"And it's a case
of Stockholm Syndrome
if there ever was one."]

I love this part..very real, your depiction is amazing. It almost felt like a scene from a movie.

 

[Sketch 1

"Can you make it
in a blender?" she asks,
singing a little
behind those eyes.

"I can make it
in a coffee pot," I say,
harmonizing as best
I can,

working
up to my
highest C.]

This is precious..it made me smile.

 

Sketch 3

I saw the kids singing sad songs in the woods
in the big round tent that our parents built in 1971.

I heard the sad songs in the woods -
and I hummed along in snatches,
but I didn't know the words.

I saw the kids take the water from the stone.
Some among them hadn't had a drink since 1991.

I saw them take that water from the stone -
and they knew it wasn't magic,
but at least it was their own.

I saw the kids ask a question to the air.
They used their voices, and the telephones,
and all the birds that were there.

They asked a question to the air -
and they never got their answer,
but they didn't even care.

 

I like sketch 2. I'm impressed by the way you(I'm not sure what the word is) oganise the words. Short lines, long lines, one word lines. You control the tempo and pace of the poem really well. I especially like the last stanza. It pulls me out of the window with him.

As usual, goodjob.

 

Sketch 3

is now available in song format:

http://web.mac.com/ask2339

 

Heart Attack

In emergencies, we'd all agreed
not to interfere
with the work of the EMTs.

I'd had a heart attack
which made me tear
my bedroom from my head.

We all remembered,
unless one of us was pretending,
that we'd made a decision

not to waver,
expect,
or try.

 

Hi, i really like your work!
have you been doing it for long?
Im kind of new and i was wondering if you could give me some advice.
if its not too much hassle could you please read my poem and let me know what you think?
i posed it as a new thread, it's called my poem 'To'
thanks a lot.
Tom (username, householdappliances)