looking for a way out..

I will try to add to this.
Almost anything is out there for the ones who look hard enough. The real problems often have to do with the searcher not being done searching.
I myself was not ready for my ideals when i first began attempting them, and still fall short often. Many say that one thing or another is not important to them, but when faced with the total lack of money, or cigarettes, or soda, or tv etc, most will balk.
The same is true of what we wish to have. Most folks will say that they like to work and get up early. That they are not afraid of the long haul. But the faith, the mental and moral fortitude, required to do it every day is like a tree; the trunk is grows fast first, but becomes thick and strong with time.

My point is that we need to know these things so we can be forgiving of the moment, so that we can enjoy the nourishment and strength that flows from the right kind of relationships.
Swimming seems very hard the first several times you try, but with some fluency becomes very simple. So to with communion.

My advice is still. . . if you can afford it, vacation in a few places this year while applying for residency.

My oldest is 25 and my youngest is 7. I understand that you could watch your child grow up while you try to make a decision. IF YOU INSIST on moving all at once, i will take you. We live in a small town on an organic farm and we work hard all the time. my children live with me. No tv.

smile, have faith

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I never thought of letting him play in a pool in the living room... I think you have some good ideas. Thanks for sharin em with me. =Ash <3

 

I see where you're coming from. It's not that I can't stand drug addicts. I used to be one myself. My mother has hep B ...... I know that no one person is the same. I just get the vibes that they would rather us not be around their "business". I don't have a car. And even if I did I wouldn't be able to afford the inflated gas prices. I think that we ( the human race) might have some more serious issues to be thinking about other then what I was boo- hooing about anyway. I think within the next 1 1/2- 4 years this planet is going to be in complete chaos. I knew I was having some bad vibes before and I thought that was why. I now think that my feelings are steming from something much greater then I ever could have imagined. I'lll opst more about it soon

 

No prob...I love sharing ideas...sorry 'bout my bit of an attitude, I just have a low tolerence for focusing on finding problems rather than solutions

Do you have a 'Parents as Teachers' program in your area? Kansas City has one & I knew several people who enrolled. It's free & they come to your home; they'll help you come up with fun activities that will stimulate your son & help him progress along the ladder of baby/toddler milestones. they have a website parentsasteachers.org

And be sure to check out the HipForums Parenting forum...there are a lot of experienced mamas over there that are always willing to offer advice & ideas
http://www.hipforums.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=62

 

First, get married to your son's father. Other kids are more likely to make fun of him if his parents aren't married than for not watching teevee. If he refuses to marry, ditch him and find a real man to raise your son. Trust me, if a man really loves a woman, he'll WANT to marry her.

Some say "well, it's just a piece of paper imposed by society." That's ridiculous. If it's "just a piece of paper", then why not go ahead and do it? Also, beware that in some states, if you call the other person a wife or husband in public that equals married. In Texas, if you shack up for longer than 6 months, that equals married.

But more importantly, the kid needs stability and adult parents.

Second, get rid of your teevee. Take the time and effort to do things with the kid. For infants, if they're not sleeping or nursing, take them for walks or read. If toddlers, play with them & their toys, help make up scenarios, collect leaves, scribble on paper, etc.

Tell him stories. Sing. Read. Read to him. Read instead of watching teevee. Library books are free. A kid does what he sees his parents doing.

Good that you breast feed - that's the best thing you can do for his future health. A lot of health problems we're seeing now and in the near future are the result of baby boomer babies being raised on formula made of soy.

Don't let him have sugar or processed foods and snacks ... or at least minimize them.

Third, if you really want to reduce as much mental poisoning as possible, think about home-schooling. But keep in mind that the kid has to figure out how to survive in a world consisting mainly of others near his age.

Fourth - you and his dad quit playing "house" and get married. Go find a J.P. and pay him $50 for crying out loud. You made a baby. It's not a game anymore. He needs you to grow up. He needs structure & stability.

I speak from experience.

 

trust me,, being married legally can be a liability also.. i speak from experience as well..

 

^ Yep. If I weren't married, I'd be making my way to Patch's farm with my kids...

 

Why do you think that getting married means structure & stability? Having a marriage license doesn't mean either of these things, it just means that it costs more if the people decide to go different directions. I've watched a lot of young'ens grow up & some of the most well-adjusted kids I've ever know are kids whose parents didn't get married to each other and had an amicable relationship if they split with both parents accepting responsibity for the
child(ren) (doesn't happen often but it does happen) Some of the most awesome children who are now grown up that I've known are kids who had no stablity, every little structure but they had Love & Guidelines. I'm pretty sure that if kids have Love & guidelines that they'll turn out just fine.

 

Yeah it makes all the difference in a relationship if some child molesting catholic preacher declares you are not living in sin and then you get in a legal bind that takes a slithery lawyer and lots of money to get you out of.

It is just like a magic ceremony from heaven that makes it all better that’s why more then 65% of them fail.

 

65% of marriages fail because one or both of the two are selfish and CHOOSE to end it. Once the child is born the marriage can no longer be about either of the two parents, it has to be about raising the kid(s) and being her/his/their rock. How can a marriage fail if both parents place as their first priority the proper raising of their children, putting selfishness aside?

It's sad enough that two people would break (or never make) a commitment to each other, it's tragic that they don't commit to a helpess child and assume he/she will be ok if they split up and go "do their own thing". It's even worse that society accepts this irresponsibility and immaturity in the name of "free choice". Our jails & prisons are packed full of people from broken homes. And how about the child's choice?

There is absolutely nothing wise nor noble about abandoning a child.

An abusive or molesting parent can't be in the picture; the kid needs ADULT (i.e. mature) parents. This girl didn't say the kid's dad is abusive. She just said he's out playing and not out working to support his family. And I agree, if this jerk won't respect and commit to this child and its mother, she needs to go raise it in a more positive and stable environment, hopefully find a real man who'll raise the child properly and be a good role-model.

Probably everyone I've known my whole life would called me "well adjusted". They do not nor cannot know the pain I've lived with from being abandoned since infancy. If your parents don't love you, who will?

Forget the church - they'll say/do/permit anything as long as it keeps the coffers full. If you want religion, just study the bible yourself - it's not so complicated to need a degreed theologian to explain it. (One interesting place to start is Matthew 19, verses 18 - 24.)

 

I still don't see how marriage would have changed this part of your life, nor do I see how marriage equates structure & stability. My parents stayed married & focused on doing what they thought best for their children; unfortunately my grandmother's unstable & abusive childhood was carried on to me thru my mother and every day I have to fight to break the chain so it does not get passed down thru my son to his children. I have a couple of friends who experienced similar childhoods; having married parents who believe they are doing the best for their children is not a formula for a perfect childhood.

Bro, it seems you are projecting your issues on this young mother; she has a problem with the inner-city environment & rightly so. She didn't ask about relationships, she was asking about the environments in communities and expressing a concern about exposing her child to television. I'm not sure why you have abandonment issues or why you are projecting them here, but I feel there's a reason. Something you said sticks out in my mind,
'There is absolutely nothing wise nor noble about abandoning a child.'
Were you abandoned or is this how you perceive what happened to you? I was 16 when I got pregnant for the first time...my boyfriend was an alcoholic & when we were living with his mother, his father came over drunk to beat & rape his ex-wife. When my boyfriend got drunk & hit me, I left & gave the child up for adoption...I wanted to keep that baby more than anything but I knew that he would have a better chance in life with stable, mature parents & it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I know that I made the right decision. I gave my son up because I love him.

Sometimes it's not the point of view but the view you point it at.